Small things are important, build on them. I hope that it is begining to turn around for you.
I seem to be moving the other way. We went and watched a game with some friends last night and I got a picture of the two of us that I posted on facebook and tagged her. She immediatly got mad. I removed it. I told her that I did not know why she didn't want it, as it was a good picture. [censored], broke the "give them space rule" again.
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
My step son has been asking a lot of questions about the separation. I answer without crossing the line of what an adult should tell a child. One topic he sought interest in was the significance of the wedding ring. I explained to him that when adults get married, they wear a wedding ring as a representation of that union. He asked why I had his mother's ring and why is she not wearing it if we are still married. I answered : "She needs to put it on because we are still married. But, I have it now for safekeeping" I had the W's ring (I kept it when we separated) cleaned per the agreement with the Jeweler and picked it up. It was in my room and my Step son saw it. He wanted to watch a movie and I said no. He started to cry so, he asked to speak with his mom. I called her. He immediately said the her: "Mom? Daddy said you need to put your ring back on." I believe he said to kind of get back at me for not letting watch a movie. I attempted to grab the phone from him and in the struggle he accidently hung up on her. I immediately called her back and explained to her that he said to get back at me. She was with her friends and she switched to speaker mode and asked him to repeat what he said. He didn't repeat it but I heard the laughter in the background.
Its not what I said exactly, but I understand how he arrived at that. However, I felt embarrassed and I don't know why. I have been following sandi's rule and I feel like that threw it all out.
Did I handle it well?
Me:28 W:24 M:4 years S5, SS5, S2 Separated: 07/01/14 Asked for D 1/09/15
You did well with the explanation of what a wedding ring means, but you should have turned it on your W from there, because it's not up to you. IE: "That's a good question and I don't know the answer. You'll need to ask mommy why she's not wearing her ring."
You saying, "she needs to put it back on" is a controlling statement.
Also, now that I think about it, don't get into power struggles with a kid, IE: "he was trying to get back at me". You are an adult. You need to be authoritative and not get into little tit-for-tats with him.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Yes, my wife also took off her rings for a period of time. I asked her to put bak on which she did then took off agin, my oldest son saw her without them and asked, and she hasn't taken them off again. We have 3 kids together. She does not admitt but I strongly suspect that she is having a EA with OM. I think she is waiting for the hollidays to be over until she makes changes. I do not know what they will be. we still sleep in the same bed and hold each other (75% initiated by me 25% by her) at night/morning and embrace before leaving for work. Nothing I have tried has worked so far with her (180, fixed myself, GAL, detached)I do not know what to do. I have been very patient (since July) She seems to have shut the door. I have little hope.
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
Facebook is kind of a weird thing. They don't want to unfriend you and you don't. it kind of opens the door to each other's life. And if they are the kind who posts their lives on FB, it lets you peak into it. I would stop tagging her in pictures. She or someone else has the option to do so if she or they want to. For me, My W's sister tags my W on my pictures and I stopped peaking on her page. Keeps me detached.
Me:28 W:24 M:4 years S5, SS5, S2 Separated: 07/01/14 Asked for D 1/09/15
Seeing what you said made me realize that I would not usually get into a power struggle with him. I have been in his since he was 6 months old. If my W and I would to get a D, I am still trying to figure out how my relationship with him will be effected if that happens. I want to be in his life. I consider him my son. I am worried. However, I shouldn't let it change on how I discipline him. Kind of open my eyes to what was happening. Thanks.
Me:28 W:24 M:4 years S5, SS5, S2 Separated: 07/01/14 Asked for D 1/09/15
Tough for me to detach with her in the same house and spending time with her is fun (she still says we are good friends). I have been trying but without any reason for her to leave (she simply said that she does not feel passion for me anymore) I have hope that she will reclaim it. I will stop visiting her FB. Stay close to your son, he needs you now more than ever.
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
Good Morning! I need some feedback. Late last night, I receive a text from the wife asking when will I be ready to finalize everything?
Me: I have the forms and they are filled out. I did not pay to file them, yet. (I did not intend for her to know that or to even file. but , it was late and I was tired. I filled them out just in case she had left me no other choice. i.e. she is in a serious relationship with someone else and its public knowledge)
Her: Okay. Also, my mom will be busy tomorrow and I have to go to work in the morning. Can you watch the boys?
Me: I leave for Orlando this weekend. I have a site visit.
Her: Ok Thanks
Me: Hey! I know it took a lot of courage to make this decision and I am proud of you for it. And, I wont fight you on it because I understand why you want it and why you had to make a tough decision. Whenever you are ready, I am. Just let me know when and what you need.
Her: Okay. Well, I have my part over next week.
Me: So, you will be the petitioner?
Her: it doesn't matter.
Me: ok. just keep me informed on what you do when you are done. Just call me when you have to serve me.
Her: I thought you said you already filled out the paper work.
Me. I have, but I would prefer if you were to do it because its something that you want.
Nothing after that. Did I handle it well? I was kind of emotional about it.
My thought is that she doesn't need my consent or to notify me to file for divorce. Why would she ask me? She knows its not what I want and I don't believe in it.
Me:28 W:24 M:4 years S5, SS5, S2 Separated: 07/01/14 Asked for D 1/09/15
HJ, not too bad. Letting the conversation end after W's "Ok Thanks" might have been the play. You answered the question and it isn't real clear what your next move is.
But you didn't and that's ok, so
Originally Posted By: hjoseph
Me: Hey! I know it took a lot of courage to make this decision and I am proud of you for it.
The "Hey" is to keep the convo going. That should have been a sign to stop it. And now isn't the time for the courage stuff. You haven't been posting a lot lately, but from the content of this exchange, W most likely doesn't care that you think this. If things start to mend, there may be a place and time for it, but not now.
Originally Posted By: hjoseph
And, I wont fight you on it because I understand why you want it and why you had to make a tough decision.
This isn't drawing her in. And be careful. W may think this means you won't fight her on the terms of the D. I hope that isn't what you meant.
Originally Posted By: hjoseph
Whenever you are ready, I am. Just let me know when and what you need.
So you are ready for the D?
Originally Posted By: hjoseph
My thought is that she doesn't need my consent or to notify me to file for divorce. Why would she ask me? She knows its not what I want and I don't believe in it.
There are several strange comments by W in here, but you don't need to waste time and energy on interpretting them. Instead of doing that, read or re-read DR/DB, use what is in those, and if you want feedback here, post often.
Thanks for your service to our country HJ. You are the few, the proud. We are all rooting for you here.
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
Nettles, I haven't been posting because I really have been focusing on GAL and myself. To answer your questions, I did not mean I wouldn't fight for her. I was trying to convey I don't want to try to stop her if that is what she really wants. But, if she would give me a chance, I would take it. Now, I am thinking she might have taken it that way. which leads to why responded the way she did and now wants to follow through on D. Also, GAL has really prepared me for if and when she would ask me for D. Its not what I want, but I am prepared for it.
Me:28 W:24 M:4 years S5, SS5, S2 Separated: 07/01/14 Asked for D 1/09/15
