Does anyone else have the problem that when they wake up and face there present situation it seems daunting? I'm just curious... I absolutely know that I'm doing the right thing and handling it well, but it still has its sucky moments. I guess it falls into that category of the W acting nice, and me knowing its a trap.
Last edited by Andy125; 01/10/1506:24 PM.
M:34 W:34 D:8 D:5 M:10 T:15 BD: 10/10/14 D filed: 10/21/14 PA/EA:09/2013 EA:09/2014 - on going (online)
Thanks for being so vulnerable and open with your feelings. I and many others can understand just how you feel. The roller coaster they can put you on...well I think your doing great. Every thought that leads back to wife just remember it can be an opportunity for you to self reflect on yourself. The feeling of "A Trap" can make you go into some dark waters. It a good idea to look at what your feeling and change the thought pattern. More importantly look and see what you need to change in your own roller coaster we did not get here just by their doing! Focus on you!
Me:34/EXH:29 Kids: S13, D5, D4 M/o7 HaskedforDgavetohim6/14 decided to work on get remarried counseling. Kids work went back to old routine. Left Nov 10 2014 OWDec92014
Thanks faith2b. I think that is some good advice. I know that my thoughts often can lead to dark places, and those thoughts have caused me more trouble then helped. As I was just describing to a friend of my I am my own worst critic and then that leads to blame (of both me and my W). What I have started to try and do is approach my W actions with compassion and empathy. And when those dark thoughts creep in to reflect on where they are coming from, wether they are constructive or not and let go of them if they aren't...... I'll be honest it is not easy!
M:34 W:34 D:8 D:5 M:10 T:15 BD: 10/10/14 D filed: 10/21/14 PA/EA:09/2013 EA:09/2014 - on going (online)
My dear Andy, you are hurting, I see you, I feel your pain... We could be brothers, you and me, similar ages, our respective Ws similar age, our children similar ages, I too have a D(5) and a S(3). My BD was 3 months earlier than yours.
Let her go, she has to go sort her $hit out. There is nothing you can do to help. Do not try to understand her, you can't so don't even try.
DETACH, GAL, 180 and be the best dad in the world for your kids. Don't think about your W, she currently does not give a rat's derrier about you.
It will get better, I promise you, just focus on you and your kids, try to live like she is a neighbor. Be civil, but nothing more. Always have your game face on, let her wonder why you are happy (even if you are not). Do not show feelings around her, if you are overwhelmed, cry in private, tears do wash and clean your soul. Stay busy and keep your mind off her. She is not worth your brain power. I am sure you have a ton of stuff you always wanted to do. Guess what, now you have the time. Go do stuff. Being single in a refreshing change after 15yrs. It will feel weird at first, but I am loving it now. Movies for 1? Why not? Having a beer too many with friends from time to time? Why not? The battle axe is not around to give you a hard time... Liberate your soul, the hurting does no one any good. She will not just snap out of it, she will not come running to your arms tomorrow. Now that you have time, analyze your shortcomings in the M and own your $hit as well. I know you were not the perfect H. Admit it to yourself, own your $hit, forgive yourself and improve yourself. Become the guy only an idiot would leave. If your wife does not recognize the new you, some other lucky woman will.
And to wrap it up, go to joelosteen.com, go under messages and have a look at the video release control. 30 minutes you will not regret. Go now, do, BE!
Thanks Vapo... Words I definetly need to hear especially after she just told me what she thinks schedule with the kids should be. And is going to forward me a list of the things she wants to take with her. I'm on that hard journey right now, where I've been taking a tough look at myself.... And trying so hard to simply let go. It's almost like my brain doesn't want to. I know I need to you are very right she doesn't care. I really wish there was a switch. I will def look at the video!
M:34 W:34 D:8 D:5 M:10 T:15 BD: 10/10/14 D filed: 10/21/14 PA/EA:09/2013 EA:09/2014 - on going (online)
Ok so as part of my process I'm learnings a lot about thoughts and the power of the mind. I have a question to float out there. Obviously over the last couple of weeks you guys/gals have seen that my W actions have shaped my mood. Also some of the things that I have found out and over heard with the OM. Obviously I'm still learning to detach, and let go. So here is my question... If thoughts are very powerful things, and It seems like I'm constantly thinking about my W and the OM (their online sex sessions etc.) Then do you think that my that very act I'm giving the OM, and possibly my W, more power over the situation then they really have?
I just noticed that one of the things I was doing very well over Dec was to let go, and think positively.... The last week not so much, I'm fighting to detach, fighting my own thoughts... And it's all very negative. Again I'm on the hard road here, and am very grateful for everyones comments and support. I'm interested to hear what you have to say. What do you think?
M:34 W:34 D:8 D:5 M:10 T:15 BD: 10/10/14 D filed: 10/21/14 PA/EA:09/2013 EA:09/2014 - on going (online)
Ok so I'm learning that I have a big issue with control. It just kinda hit me today... It's probsbly at the route of my problems marriage wise, and probsbly has a lot to do wth my own happiness. I can't seem to let it all go.... I'm trying I know that it is probsbly the biggest 180 that I need to do: learn to let go and not be in control. Any advice on how to do that?
M:34 W:34 D:8 D:5 M:10 T:15 BD: 10/10/14 D filed: 10/21/14 PA/EA:09/2013 EA:09/2014 - on going (online)
