afraid I have waited too long #5

[DaddyLongShanks]

There will be no winners at the hearing tomorrow.

Depending on who comes out "ahead" I guess will determine how talkative or nastily silent my W will be.

I do wonder and maybe someone has had this happen in their sitch.

I know there are stories about R on the way to sign the D papers.

They are truly miracles. Now that we are at the spousal support stage and a little beyond because I am fighting to have it lowered. What is the % of R after this has happened?

Don't know.

My W says no negotiations till the 2 yrs date but her date and my date differ so it most likely will be up to the courts to decide which one will hold precedent. If it is hers that will be in 6 months mine would be 17 months. I have been given the gift of time but now I feel some pressure of a deadline.

This is even more pressing now that W has moved out and can't see my changes any longer.

It's easier to make changes when they are not able to monitor or see you very often. Do it for yourself.

I can forgive the A if my W is willing to work on things(at this moment my feeling is she is not ready). I sit patiently and keep doing what I think will help and not doing things that I think will hurt. It is agonizing to sit and think Am I doing enough? because I an willing to do more. What that "more" is I haven't a clue. Waiting for the A to cool isn't so bad because they almost always do right?

Haha. It's funny. As long as you support them, that A can go on for ever. Once you pull your emotional and financial support many of the affair partners did not sign up for all that, so they will pull out.

I don't compare myself to OM but I wonder if my W is just having the A to spite me.

With all the Ashley Madison's, all the shoes on TV, all the GNO's, all the propaganda... It's in the back of their mind. So wifey may cheat on someone who is the exact opposite of you just because. Because what you are now no longer "attracts" her.

OM has no job, has 2 children (11) and one younger then that. He is only 1.5 younger than me and is still at the house owned by OMW all the time accept when he is at the gym or at night staying at a friends house(not where my W is staying). I know most women have A for the emotional aspect and my W was not the Nympho type so I don't think it is for the sex only.

Wife may not been the nympho type with you, but what about with him? Perhaps she's a raging sex maniac with the guy. Affairs do bring that out in people.

Most of your posts are worried about your wife and what she thinks and your changes, that she can see them. What about YOU and your own needs? Aren't your needs important? Isn't what you think important?



Do woman really do things just to get back at men for what they feel was a horrible M?

Sorry went on a little ride there but I do think of things and scratch my head.


[/quote]

[nit84]

Well the modification hearing is in a few hours.

Not really nervous just want to get it over with.

I have prepared as best I can I feel. Nothing is in my control though when it is in the court system.



One of my friends who used to be a mutual friend of both my W and I, Just texted me and reminded me that she still does want to be friends with my W and if I talk to her to relay that message. My W ended a friendship with this person because she felt like they dropped her for me. That was never the case but it is how my W feels.

I told this friend I would relay the message to my W.

More later I suppose

[Wonka]

Nit,

Stand tall with a straight back and be calm with a confident demeanor. STFU and let your L do all of the talking.

As for the friend, I would simply tell W that this person is interested getting touch with you. Then leave it at that. Their friendship is between them. W has her own reasons and they are hers to own alone.

Good luck!

[nit84]

Thanks Wonka, I basically did exactly like you said above.

It didn't go as I had hope for and their was some problems at the very end not bad just me getting upset where I think I had right to be. I will let the board decide if I was justified or not.

More later because I am at work.

[nit84]

THanks for the thoughts DLS!!

I will respond to some of your comments when I can. Thanks again

[nit84]

Still at work but bored.

DLS, You couldn't be more correct this OM is completely opposite of me in everyway. Some of which I will not go into. other things I have already posted about.

Yes, my needs are important but I put them on the back burner for now while I am standing for my M. Rest assured though I have a vision what my life will look like if I end up D.

You are correct when you say that maybe now she is a raging nympho. When we first dated she was very sexual for about 5 months. then after I was hooked it slowed down. If she is like that now it is to attempt to hook OM and then her pattern will repeat. IMHO.

All my changes are for myself, I just hope that at some point my W will trust these changes she sees will stick. That is up to her not me.

I still love my W but I also realize she may never come back. Our interaction is still very tense. Mostly on her side but I have my moments. I wish no ill will on my W. Just would like to her face some consequences of actions.

As it stands right now and if I were her I would be thinking to myself I should have done this years ago. This is awesome. Mostly due to legal things that are legal but really not fair but that is our justice system. It makes it easier to D now days that why everybody is doing it.




Thanks again for looking at my thread.

[paul19510]

[/Quote]=Yes, my needs are important but I put them on the back burner for now while I am standing for my M. Rest assured though I have a vision what my life will look like if I end up D[/quote]

begin to put your needs first. You matter....

[nit84]

Thanks Paul,

That's nice of you to say. I know I matter... I guess I am confusing people again. I am doing things for myself everything but dating. I am alone in my house for as long as I own it. I do what I want I when I want and how I want. Could I do better absolutely!! On the whole, I am getting better everyday.

Thanks again

[nit84]

Wonka,

I walked in confident, looking and smelling good. to make a long story short at least this part. There will be no change in Spousal support due to our incomes. I had some bad info and it basically was a waste. My fault. No mortgage help because I make too much. W is not required to pay credit cards at this point. I will get credit for all I have paid down the road but it doesn't help the present.

After that was all over. we were left in the lobby alone so I decided to speak to my W. This how it went down. I said "W would you please wish FIL a Happy Birthday for me?" She said she would do that for I said Thank you. I then said "our friend wanted me to let you know that she still wants to be friends and might email you." She said Ok.

My W then said she would like to by the house and get a few things. I said" fine just text me when you are coming like I used to do for you. I said There actually is a lot of stuff in the living room for you to take also that I put there after you left." She inquired what and I honestly I cant remember. She said "my dolls?" I said" no those are still in the bedroom I am sleeping in I didn't touch anything in there."

She said OK and I just reiterated to her to text before she got there. W said it would most likely be on a Saturday. I said" fine it is still your house, I haven't changed the locks but I would like to be present."

All of this was pretty calm. Here it comes though. since it was going well I decided to ask about my cat.


I said "how is our Cat?" She said in a matter of fact way, "Unfortunately, she passed away 2 weeks before Christmas."


My jaw dropped I turned away and walked away for a couple step to compose myself. I said "Why couldn't you call me and tell me???"

She said "well with all this going on I didn't think I should contact you."

I said " W, I have no ill-will towards you. this(meaning support hearing and possible D) is what it is. WE need to separate certain things from our sitch."

She started telling me that our cat knew I loved her and it also happen very quickly and suddenly. I just said "I wish you felt like you could call me."

She started bring up when our dog passed away and I said "stop what you are saying you know you are lying right now. If you want the text of how that went I have them." she stopped talking about the dog and went into a couple of excuses of how the cat died.

At this time the L came back and I turned mine and said "W just told me the cat died. Lets go"

As we were waiting for the elevator I heard my W telling her L the story she was telling me. My L just looked at me and rolled her eyes.


Oh and my W finally got the car inspected 4 months late in the last couple days because it is good through Jan 16. Maybe she got it done because she possibly thought she may have to pay me something.


There was no yelling during the Cat discussion. just disbelief and a couple of a "this is BS" and a "I think you may need some help. I know this is stressful but that is not an excuse to act like this. We are adults for GOD'S sake let act like them please for both our sanity's."

What bothers me is if I didn't ask about our cat it would have never been said to me and I would still be thinking about how she might be missing home.

Did I do a good job even though the end was confrontational?


Because of the non action of the hearing. It is now most likely I will have to sell the house. actually this might hurt my W with getting money that she wants but she is steadfastly against letting me refinance the house while allowing her to remain a 50% owner.

One of my friends mentioned to me that my W is listing to a Christian Music station and is listening to Sermons on the computer. I hope she finds Peace by doing this. I know it helped me.

There a couple songs out that get me through this. I hope she listens to them and they strike a cord with her. I pray this is the case.


I have a possible email I would like to send my W concerning the house and her D wishes. I need to consult my L and then I will run it past you guys.

[Wonka]

Nit,

Good job with your posture and keeping your composure. Well done!

Because of the non action of the hearing. It is now most likely I will have to sell the house. actually this might hurt my W with getting money that she wants but she is steadfastly against letting me refinance the house while allowing her to remain a 50% owner.

Why is she refusing you to refinance the house if you DO have the means to do so?

Yeah, please do post your draft here for input and feedback.