3 months after BD, the roller coaster ride hurts

[devotee]

And we were in therapy together for 2 months. Husband ended it because he said we were going just to make the transition to separation easier for me. Of course now he changes his tune and says the therapist lead him to say that and that she wanted our M to end.

[devotee]

He developed feelings and had a OM while we weren't even separated or even talking about separation, while he had a wife who told him how much she loved him every day, and life was good. I developed feelings for someone after my husband asked for a divorce, took off his wedding ring, told me he wasn't in love with me, changed his status on Facebook to separated and blocked me, and ended MC because he said he was only going to make separation easier for me. How dare he compare the two situations?!?!

He then proceeded to call me a whore, an awful person, someone he'd never care about again and many other terrible things. I replied, "well that clear things up. I was undecided on how to move ahead and a man who would say these things never loved me and doesn't love me. Thank you for the clarity. Goodnight". I stopped responding to him after that even though he sent a few more hateful texts including how I'd never mean anything to him again EVER. Fabulous Christmas this is going to be. All hell is going to break loose when he comes home this weekend I'm sure.

[devotee]

I want to let you know that things are really bad with H right now. He is on his way back from Arizona and told me I have till Friday to move out. I called the police and they just came by. They told me he cannot kick me or my belongings out. If he wants to evict me he will have to go to court, have a valid reason, and the process if the court even approves it could take 30-90 days.
I'm already looking for a place to move, I can't stay with family or friends because nobody is close and I need to be able to get to work and I don't drive. I can't afford to lose my jobs. I am going to be filing for divorce tomorrow which will also legally stop him from short selling the house out from underneath me and making me homeless.
It's going to be a hard time but I know I can get through this.

[Vanilla]

Devotee

I must tell you how concerned I am for your physical safety. Please ensure you have a grab bag, you may also want an emergency number fast dial in your phone and a personal alarm.

At the first sign of danger leave immediately, you can press for access later.

Please be very safe.

This spew is more than vindictive and venomous. It is angry and directive too.
No one has the right to insult you in this way, but if H has a drink in him you won't be able to cool it down. Ignoring H may make him angrier.

Devotee, no matter the financial cost please get out if you sense any danger.

Could really do with a vet on this. wonka?
Keep posting
Vanilla

[jim0987]

Devotee,

i've just caught up with your thread and all I can say in the first instance is that vanilla is right you should make contingency arrangements so that you can just leave if it gets to hostile or your H gets overly aggressive - A bag packed and in your car is a good plan.

Having said that your H is probably hurting right now and so some understanding might go a long way. Your relationship with OM will feel good and certainly better than what you have put up withrecently but you definitely are flipping the WAS/LBS dynamic between you two (includng any justification) - what you do is up to you but please remember how it felt for you at BD 7 months ago.

[devotee]

I do have several friends who can help me if anything happens. I will get out at the slightest sign of abuse but I dont forsee him doing anything, he has never been violent.
I am trying to be understanding and have reached out to him to talk. I told him I love him no matter what, he is still my best friend. I want us to be civil and to try and get through these hard times with the least damage and stress to either of us. He is not responding.
I hate that the shoe is on the other foot now, I never wanted to hurt him. But we need time to figure ourselves out. Giving him a second chance Rught now will just take us back into our rut.

[Calibri]

Devotee,

While I don't urge you to leave permanently, I do urge you not to be at the house when H returns. Especially if things have gotten bad. He's probably extremely upset about OM and combined with alcohol - you never know what can happen. I don't want to insinuate that your H would do so,etching, but stuff like this can set people off, and I truly believe that we aren't capable of knowing what someone will or can actually do until they're in the right situation.

Please, please be careful if you decide to be there when he returns, and have a bag ready to go if you have to.

[Ggrass]

Nobody thinks their husband is violent till after.

I never thought mine would hurt my son, but yet when I refused to engage in an arguemet with him he hit my son.
No reason no words spoken, but walked into his bed room and bam knocked him flat at 15.

He still didn't believe it's wrong that he did anything wrong, he is not violent according to him, but does have a slight temper.

Do not take risks. I have some plans in place in case.

[devotee]

I can't check any bank or card statement because our accounts are separate. I know a friend of mine said he posted Happy New Year on Face book 2 nights ago. I'm thinking he may in OK visiting his mom and brother. Tomorrow is the timeline he gave me to move out. I am not moving out, I can't right now as I've mentioned in my previous messages. I do worry he'll be coming home tomorrow when I'm at work and will try and throw my stuff out onto the sidewalk. I'm going to ask my building manager to keep an eye out and if he sees H do anything like that, to call the police.
Thank you everyone for your concern. I don't think he will physically harm me but I also know when he's upset he can be a bit unstable so anything is possible. I will be watching out for myself, I promise.

[Vanilla]

Devotee

If H starts anything, including junking your stuff then call the police put it on record and then if necessary get a restraining order to keep him away from the flat and you. Thinking and prayer for you Friday.

Be safe

Vanilla



Vanilla