Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #3

[rd500]

From a novice ( me ) you seemed perfect. We'll done. Rd

[Starsky309]

Great job, HP!

[Vanilla]

Fantastic HP

Just wonderful

Glowing with pride for you

Vanilla

[TLEE86]

Happy New Year HP.

I thought you handled it very well and for the first time in many texts (from an outside POV) you were not antagonistic, but seemed very polite so thats awesome.

She's had a few panic attacks since I enforced my I won't live in an open marriage boundary. But she recovers back to her determined self. I'm sure she'll be that next I see her.

Thank you for saying this, I really needed to hear it myself. As you've been following my thread, W and I were on very friendly, daily interactions for the past 2 months. Then a couple days ago I told her I will not support her financially as long as she continues to stay at OM apartment, regardless of what the Army requires me to do. For the past 2 days, things have been...tense...but she is now actively looking for her own apartment, and I keep wondering if I made the right choice by rocking the boat and enforcing that boundary.

Sorry if this is a semi hi-jack, but it makes me feel good to see that after what you did, your W slowly is accepting it not as a punishment, but just something you drew the line in the sand in.

[HPoirot]

Hello rd500, Starsky, TLEE86, and Vanilla. Thank you so much for the support. I felt like I was fair and brief and businesslike. I hope she sticks with her agreement and I am prepared in case she does not.

Just saw her as she dropped of S11. I did much better... prepared on the elevator ride down. Came out with a smile. Kept the PMA. Stayed more relaxed... not completely but much better. Did not really greet her or say good bye as she looked very tense and stressed and hurried off. Less than 30 seconds. She had that look in her eyes which I see is different than the W that I knew.

On that point... she sent me a picture the other day... she and S11 ran into an old acquaintance of ours. They took a picture together and sent it to me. She had that strange tense look in her eyes and that's when I noticed it. Her eyes are hard and she looks different like she's aged a lot. But then another acquaintance of mine who I ran into said I looked 15 years older too. Oh well.

...

For these first 3 months... I came out of blissful denial into anger... pushed too hard with my boundaries... pursued with my yelling a few days ago... but also really conquered some fear and pain to take some very hard actions for me. I've relaxed to much for 3 weeks and now finally getting back to GAL and self growth. I'm also in therapy and on antidepressants.

My plan is to check in with myself in 3 months on how I'm progressing here... my growth and where my M is.

My goals for 3 months are to learn to tango, workout at least 2x per week, run at least 15 miles per week, save at least $4000, make at least $2000 from side business, make at least 1 better 2 therapy session per week, put in a full day's work everyday, and plan a spring break trip for me and S11.

For my M... I'm going to consistently be neighborly and PMA around W.

Though I want an R... W is looking very unattractive to me right now. I am committed to 6 months of standing... but I do think of filing D now every few days. I will go see another lawyer in the next couple weeks about custody, alimony, and the fault clauses here on adultery.

Even so, I would like to find a way to get me and my son out of this city, so I know I should cooperate with W. So I will work on myself, being, looking, dressing, acting, working, living better. While getting better... I'll check on W to see how her life is treating her.

I have a DB Coach call with Chuck tomorrow. I didn't follow his advice to meet for Christmas... and 25 also talked about spending time with her. We'll see if there's anything more I can do now to maybe smooth things out with her in a way that I can successfully do.

Part of me, though, knows she's someone who only really respects leadership. A leader in my position wouldn't be waiting for her. He would leave her behind, live, not give her much of a chance to R, and D her. Right now she knows I'm standing... just realized I'm still wearing my ring. Now it's off. Let's see how that feels for a while.

In six months, I want to have a new car, a new little home of my own for me and S11 near his school, money in the bank, new wardrobe, and a new permanent confident and happy attitude about my life.

I image 3 rocking chairs on a porch. I'll sit out there with S11 on warm evenings. He'll be reading his comics and I'll have an iced green tea and an inspirational book to learn from. If W can and wants to join us in our happy home... there's a chair for her too. If not... I won't have any trouble finding a lovely wonderful woman to sit with me. I can feel the warm breeze on my face now.

I'll be there soon enough.

Onward.

[Vanilla]

Fantastic plans HP. Very determined and manly.

As you move away from booze and you replenish the glow will return.

Vanilla

[HPoirot]

Thank you Vanilla for your always beautiful and inspiring words. You are a blessing.

...

I touch of concern and headache with the W...

We have the one family car. When I left the condo with S11... I also took the car.

I told W that I would pay half of a rental car for 30 days. She seemed to forget I said that the first week of S. The 2nd week, she wanted access to the family car. I had to remind her I offered to pay half of a rental car. She asked for $300 which seemed high. She ended up taking $400. She eventually put the extra $100 back (after I asked her about it). The next week, she asked for $300 again. I gave her $150 and explained why.

Now, I sent her a plan yesterday for buying her out of our family car and using that money to pay for her part of our move from our old home. She almost immediately agreed to it by saying "That's fair." This morning, though, she said she couldn't afford it. I explained how the plan is fair and she said "If that's the right number, I'll have to honor it."

I also asked her for the keys to our car today. She texted she would leave them in our old home (for me to get tomorrow). When I saw her today, I asked for the key. She got kind of weird saying "oh I left them..." then she started waving her hand around like she was trying to think of the name of the thing where she left the key. She never said. Her car key is on her house key.. always in her purse.

Back to earlier this morning... I went for a drive. Got in the car and noticed, the rear car seats were up when I had left them down. W had been in the car yesterday when she came to pick up S11. No problem, I think. She wanted to get something.

But then I start thinking... Why say she would leave her car key in the house when she's driving in her rental to see me today?

One of my fears since the condo move idea (thanks Wonka) was that she would fight for the car. She has argued a few times about the car as joint property that she should have access to. The car rentals were good... but I might pay for only one more week. And she won't have money on her own to get a car and an apartment next month easily with all the other bills she now has to pay on her own.

I'm pretty sure she will try take the car tonight or tomorrow morning when she comes to pick up S11 to take him to hotel overnight in the mountains (when she has no money). I imagine she feels stuck and trapped (her words) by all the financials now. I've seen her lash out terribly whenever she feels this way and she was jittery this morning. I really think she will do this.

I am very sad about this. I hope I am wrong. Even so... I parked our car down the street and around the corner instead of the condo parking lot.

Even worse... before I BD her about the condo and hr PA... she was being nice to me about buying S11 a computer for Christmas. She mentioned she wanted to use it too for her business to "look good." Even after we moved, she kept texting "Are you going to get a computer for S11?" She even asked Christmas morning. I never answered. Of course I got him the best PC out now which he loves. Since, she has asked S11 to bring it to her so she can see it. For this little trip their going on, she has texted to me again specifically to pack it.

She is going to get S11 in the middle asking to borrow the computer Dad brought for him. I hope not... and I wouldn't like it if she did.

Anyway... a bit of a headache now about this. I really really do not trust my W... especially now that she seems cornered by her choices. She agreed to the plan to easily yesterday and this morning... both time bringing up the low cost of the condo... the low cost she was depending on to finance her adventures.

I really hope she's not trying to disrespect me again. Before I left... in one of her sad moments... she talked about how all her plans and ideas for her dream life had failed. I hope she remembers now she's married to a genius. I trusted her before so I was in full denial. That's no longer the case.

Man... if all this is true... how can I possibly keep standing for this woman? Is this MLC or anger or fear? Or is this person the real person she's been hiding all this time?

She really sees me as the enemy to her happiness.

How can we ever R?

...

Funny... the doorman here recognized the tension between me and my W. He confidentially told me his story of separation and near D. HE and his W got all the way to the D table after a 6 month S. She hated him. At the table... they decided to give it another try. It took and they've stayed M 40 something years now. Maybe not happily... but still.

[Vanilla]

HP

Such trickery and manipulation.

Get s11 to leave his computer with you, virus or other excuse.

Buy a boot or a hook for the car.

Be pleasant to W as you are being now. detach from the other stuff and the other rubbish stuff.

W's dream life has disappeared, well there is a wake up to come. Followed by cold shower ala HP style.

Personally HP I would not change a thing.

Vanilla

[Maybell]

HP, maybe not happily? What's that about? Why would anyone want to live unhappily just to avoid D?

[HPoirot]

Hello Maybell and Vanilla.

Maybell... The doorman kind of implied things in his M aren't 100% happy. He's a super interesting man though... so he deserves better if that's his case.

Vanilla... I had a better idea. I'll act clueless and let W use S11s computer. It will just have a secret keylogger on it. B/c it's my son's computer and I'm a good dad and I want to know what sites he visits and all his passwords for safety. Absolutely.