Okay. The offer is there at any time. I will probably be in contact w/her during the holiday season and I will be happy to pass on your thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
BRNR, Just wanted to say again that I'm in a very similar sitch and I really feel for what you are going through. Just one small for instance:
My H was ordered by the judge during settlement to lodge his tax returns so that we could ascertain what his income was.
I thought I had finally gotten somewhere after years of trying to make him produce some relevant info.
XH simply ignored the judge. I imagined he would have been in contempt or something... but nothing happened.
In the end he simply withdrew from the process rather than lodge his tax returns. I was left trying to run an uncontested case - which I thought would be good for me, but it turned out to be harder and more expensive to argue than a normal case which is argued by 2 spouses. XH had won again.
It's so weird, I agree with you that the caring dad and loving husband they once were shows no skerrick of resemblance to the devious obligation-voider that we have been left with in mlc.
It's so weird, I agree with you that the caring dad and loving husband they once were shows no skerrick of resemblance to the devious obligation-voider that we have been left with in mlc.
It's not weird..it's sad for our kids. I feel for my boys and has been more of the pain I have felt during my journey. I can understand my stb-ex handing out terror left and right on me...an adult, one he wants to blame for everything, but his kids...smh! And what hurts more is that the people he will sorta listen to (maybe-idk) his mother, OW, her family, don't even seem to care and in fact condone and encourage it...bunch of enablers!
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Oh, and again, NLW, I am sorry you are part of the "club". It is a hard one to be involved in and I am sorry for all the crap you have to go through.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
And what hurts more is that the people he will sorta listen to (maybe-idk) his mother, OW, her family, don't even seem to care and in fact condone and encourage it...bunch of enablers!
Oh, but the stories they tell such people - I can only imagine...
But what we do know is that they have become (or maybe always were) masters at lying and avoidance. You would think that their mothers might recognise this if no-one else... but then again, we, as wives, didn't.
It's hard not to feel resentment towards the in-laws however, when they, too, pretty much abandon their grandkids.
Oh I know it. My in-laws haven't reached out to my kids at all...but I'm the "bad guy" there too! It's all my fault they don't see them. Never mind that they don't see my ex, but somehow I keep my kids away too. I've missed family get together a and funerals and such because of all this, but blood is thicker than water and everything the ex does/did is justified to them. But I'm not angry about it. In the end they (in-laws) are missing out on my awesome boys.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
First and foremost, I wanted to say that no matter where everyone is on this journey, please, please find something positive this holiday season and enjoy it. For me that's my children and my family and friends that have been right by my side with every twist and turn!
An update on the sitch...my STB-EX's journey has continued to follow the MLC script. Almost exactly two years later his relationship with OW has ended. He has been living with his mother for about a month now and his life has been spiraling out of control...legal issues, law enforcement issues, and money problems. I really, truly feel sorrow for him and hope that he can put his life together for our amazing boys.
My divorce seems to be taking forever, a lot of non-compliance on the ex's part and now it seems he is trying to get everything he left behind...the house, the kids, my car, etc. The support is starting to come in, which is really just paying my legal fees, so not much relief or help there to support our children and mutual debt that was he decided was solely my responsibility when he left.
My kids are going through a rough patch of emotions it seems...now that there Dad is done with I guess "Replay" I think that they think things will return to "normal". I know better and i just remain positive that they will come out of this with an understanding of some of life's hardest lessons and that in adulthood they will be better for it.
Me, I am doing very well. I am finding my happiness and joy in life. The holidays this year contribute big to that and what I thought would be a depressing time has turned into one of the best I have had in a very long time. Everything has progressed forward sooo much!!! Something I couldn't see ever happening just two years ago, but I am sooo thankful and appreciative of everything in my life.
Well, I just wanted to touch base and say Happy Holiday's to everyone!!!
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Your stb-xh is definitely going to have some serious withdrawal symptoms for a while. Many mlcers break up and make up, so let's see what transpires in the months ahead. Until he hits the major depression/withdrawal from everything, he's not out of replay. I will add a prayer to my list that he can navigate his way through the depression and withdrawal and hopefully come out the other side and grow up and be there for his sons.
I'm sorry the divorce is taking a slow train up the mountain, but it sounds like your h is the one dragging it out w/the noncompliance issues. Hopefully the new year will be better for you and your sons and the divorce will finally go thru and you can move on w/your life w/o this hanging over your head.
I'm sorry the kids are hitting a rough patch and I hope that they will be in a better place in January. The holidays tend to create some real emotional rollercoasters for the children as well. They see their friends w/family or they see their friends w/one parent and then the other and yet, there father is out to lunch. It's hurts and it's disappointing to them. They feel like they are being punished and want it all to go away and things return to normal. Unfortunately, normal may or not return in years to come. By then, the bridges are torn down and it will be up to your h to either build new ones or forever be cast aside by the kids.
I'm glad that you are doing well. BRNR, it takes time to begin the healing process and it appears that you are healing nicely. Enjoy the time you spend w/your children, for they grow up fast.
BTW, I have been in touch w/Golfmom. She and her children are doing okay. She still has some issues that she's working out concerning her xh.
May you and your family have a happy and blessed holiday season. May the new year bring you peace, happiness and your finalized divorce decree.
Merry Christmas to all!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello all...I just have to put this out there because it has been bothering me all morning. for starters, I know I haven't posted in a while...I've been busy with work and my boys, so no time for anything at the moment.
Anyhoo...dreams. I had a strange one last night. My ex appeared in it, and honestly, he hasn't appeared in my dreams for about two years...shortly after BD I stopped dreaming and about a year ago I was able to, but never about my ex.
Anyway..the dream was odd...I was invited (? or at least welcomed) to a gathering where my ex's family was. My ex was there, and while we didn't interact, he was clearly on drugs or something and looked really much zombie-ish. Ex's family was like "yeah, this is who is...always on drugs, and can't get his act together". It was so odd.
I didn't say or do anything in the dream other than to observe him and feel sorry for him, but sorry in a compassionate sort of familial love way.
I just want to jot it down while it was still fresh. I am a firm believer our dreams mean something...when and if I have time later, I am going to delve deeper into this.
In the meantime, anyone have an opinion or reflection about this?
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Could Valentine's Day be a holiday that you have been thinking about? Holidays and anniversaries tend to remind us of our MLCing spouses and you may not even realize you are until you are asleep and your subconscious takes over.
Then again the man upstairs has a way of showing us things and maybe your dream was to open a small window so that you could see some of his struggles and show him some compassion.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
