I would caution you that this is not one-size fits all for each situation requires a different set of responses. It is all about context. Context is the key operative word here.
Originally Posted By: HPoirot
Thank you Wonka for this reply and vertex for posting your issue. I have been ignoring all communication from my W and I see how that can be a mistake. I note that most of her texts are just to get me to respond... but she does very rarely leave a VM or email where she admits her feelings. Even if the message is not what I care to hear... I should still respond with a "Thank you for sharing. Very thoughtful of you" message. I can still be courteous and respectful while I move away from her.
In your situation, it is appropriate to ignore W's gazillion texts because she's frantic to regain the upper hand to put you back in your place according to her own warped notions.
I would be careful with using "very thoughtful gesture (comment, action)" with your own W because she's been frankly thoughtless and downright disrespectful to you and S11.
You can unfollow your W on FB and remain friends. This will stop her post from showing up ono your fb page.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I wanted to circle back to explain why I think it is important for Vertex to respond to W's email.
1) It is courteous and respectful to acknowledge her heartfelt message 2) W's wall has come down a bit to reach out to Vertex 3) One needs to take this situation on context: mutual RO which has prevented them from communicating. Zero communication means zero connection.
Vertex, send out the simple response and then let it go. Don't try to reach out again or prolong it. You have been doing really well respecting W's space and her desire for no contact.
Keep your expectations at zero or at least low.
Thanks for your advice, Wonka. So you think I should reply even though she e-mailed me from her dad's e-mail address? I feel like she did that to perhaps let me know that even though she was reaching out, she still didn't want me e-mailing her directly. Thoughts?
Me: 29 W: 29 S: 7 S: 4 M: 8 BD 10/15/14 (Order of Protection) D filed 10/14 Letting God change my life. Doing the hard work to be the H my W always needed and to be the father my children deserve.
The delivery method/source doesn't matter and this shows that W is still in the self-protection mode. What really matters is that you DO acknowledge her reaching out by sending out a response.
First I am glad you are here, it does take a lot to open up and share your demons.
This forum and the people here are beyond amazing.
It is said admitting your faults, being able to see the dark parts of yourself, not living in denial is the biggest step, the hardest. I respectfully disagree. It is the first step, it is a necessary step.
Maybe it is noted as the most important since it has to happen before anything else can change, I do not disagree with that. What I am saying is, the change, the work, the actions, moving past the talk, at least for me, is the absolute hardest part and most important.
I have seen where you say you are making these changes for yourself, to be a better person. I urge you to really take some time to think about that. Is that true.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
