Because he's a ASS!!! (As in donkey, ya'll! Got one of those too. )
He really doesn't get my goat. Not these days.
It's just me being disappointed that he is still such a child.
I made the mistake of hoping he was starting to grow a little as a person, that he might be learning to cope better and not blame others for what's wrong inside him.
I couldn't care less if he calls/texts or not.
It's simply his pathetic-ness that is getting to me. I am really starting to wonder what I ever saw in this guy.
Anyhow, as per my experimental guidelines and Amoeba Training Manual, I will continue to ignore bad behavior while rewarding the behavior I am seeking.
So--he can "talk to the hand!" as I will not say another word until H-E- Double Hockey Sticks freezes over.
Plus, I could really do without another night of his weird texting stuff. It's too bizarre, but it does make me laugh!
--(G)GGG
Who is feeling more and more detached every day. In fact, I think I can say that, while I can still feel emotions around GUBU's behavior, I have no connection to it other than some emotional reaction that I now am capable of getting under control without too much trouble.
GG - About this, from the other day: Laboratory Notes:
1. It has been determined that there is a correlation between my pulling back and H pulling back--more. After his decision to not have Thanksgiving with me (I'd invited him), I pulled back and just went to minimal, friendly contact. Immediately he stopped with the "Goodnight" texts and calls for no reason. He stopped with the friendly texts and now it's back to "all business."
I'm not sure what to think/do about this. But it just can't always be me that sticks my neck out. I have no doubt that he knows I was a bit hurt that he blew me off. He even said he "wasn't trying to be a jerk". But even though he hurt my feelings a little and I pulled in to protect myself, is it possible that HE feels rejected when I do that? How can that be? When I go dim/dark, he goes even darker. Like he's respecting my wishes or something. In any case, he DOES NOT REACH OUT TO ME when I pull back. AT ALL. Some days I feel like I don't understand anything.
...My H does the EXACT same thing. I've been trying and trying to put myself in his shoes, and try to see my actions/words as he would. But, I just can't. I just don't have any idea what he's thinking these days, because he does not talk -- like yours. And this has been the pattern for our whole M, also. GG, I think you're doing great, and you'll be fine no matter what. I think I will be too. And with me, nowadays, the biggest reason I think I don't want to D is because I will have to move out of the new house that we built together, with LOTS of blood, sweat, and tears, so that some other chick can move in and live in it someday. It's hard to walk away from a M, but also hard to walk away from the life you built around you.
You have alot to think about GG, but it sounds like you have a plan. Maybe it's time to start kicking it into action. I've just jump-started mine. I'm hoping for the best for you, whatever that may be!
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
My biggest reason is also because I don't want to move out of the house we built and leave all my animals.
But I just don't understand the dynamic we're talking about here. I have said before that H seems to take all his cues from me and seems easily hurt, which comes off as this passive aggression.
But for Pete's sake----the man steamrolled me and he gets upset if I say I'm the least bit peeved about what position I find myself?
If I am not happy, friendly, non-confrontational, acknowledging every little thing he does and do not dare mention that he might be human, we appear to get along well if he can stand to be in my presence.
That doesn't bode well for any kind of future and I'm really getting tired of this dance.
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Help me out, DBers! Ggrass, I think this is right up your alley, but you ladies know you can make this hysterical! (Oh yeah, and some of the guys, too! )
"On the first day of Christmas, my True Love (???) gave to me..."
* An OW/M--guess that makes THREE! * The results of test for paternity * A full screening for STDS... * *
"On the second day of Christmas, my ??? gave to me..."
* A parenting agreement * No Christmas card * Half of the dishes * Discounted Eggnog *Cute little Love Child
1. I am very kind, and care deeply about people. 2. I am smart in an unusual way 3. I have integrity. 4. I have made the most of my innate talents by applying hard work and perseverance 5. I have overcome my "disabilities" so they are no longer detracting from my life. 6. I am an autodidact and I continue to learn and grow. 7. I find life very interesting and I am curious about a lot of things. 8. I know who I am, what I like, what is important to me. 9. I am cute/sexy, and know how to play up my assets. 10. I learn from my mistakes. 11. When I do something, I really DO it. 12. I am open to exploring new things 13. I like to read 14. I have this strange memory for voices. It's eerie. 15. I can imitate other people singing 16. I am funny. (Granted, in a quirky way.) 17. I am good with animals, in an intuitive way. Some weird non-verbal bond. 18. I know a lot about a lot of things. Can pretty much find common ground with almost anyone. 19. I love ground black pepper. Don't know why. It goes on virtually everything. Waiters laugh at me because they have to stand there grinding away... 20. I also think everything goes better with onions of any kind. 21. I have a smashing hourglass figure for a woman of any age! 22. I have a vibrant head of wavy blonde hair and I'm learning how to style it. 23. I have a good sense of color and design, interior and product. 24. I am highly creative, highly visual and auditory. 25. Most people seem to like me pretty well, and the ones who don't are usually just crabby. 26. I can light up a room if my PMA is solidly in place. 27. I am humble. I believe in myself, but I also know that it was only luck that gave me some of the qualities I do have, and that it all can be gone in an instant. 28. I give encouragement and support to others I meet in my journey, try to inspire them. 29. I am a total kid magnet. Kids love me, probably because I'm one too. 30. I am an animal magnet, always had a way with them, wild and domesticated. 31. I am a great singer. (Really!) 32. I am a really good guitar/ukulele player 33. I am an awesome swing dancer! (Great musicality and technique.) 34. I can draw, paint, sculpt... create something from nothing 35. I learned architecture skills so we could do the remodel without paying an architect. I was the GC on the jobs, and did all the designs myself, including stairs, and more technical aspects. 36. I taught myself landscape architecture as well, and designed and built stone walls and outbuildings 37. I can swing a hammer, but not as well as I can drive a backhoe. 38. I am an excellent tree climber. I once made it to the top of a climbing wall at an event and won a prize and had never done that before.I didn't even know I could! They called me "Catwoman"! 39. I like vintage cars and identify all the classics. 40. I know some Spanish, German, a smattering of Italian, and speech French. As in "wine" 41. I used to work in the wine importing business, and have a good appreciation and palate. 42. I am a darned good cook too. 43. I can learn anything I put my mind to. 44. I can make good pottery 45. My friends love me 46. I can make strangers smile (unless they're crabby.) 47. I have traveled quite a bit, and plan to travel more 48. I have this nose that everyone says is adorable, but I hate it. People want to kiss it and rub it and make wishes on it. 49. I am a good songwriter 50. When I sing, I can make people laugh, or get all misty. Or want to get laid. 51. I know my plants and trees 52. I can grow a good vegetable garden 53. I can identify all kinds of wild birds and other wildlife from around the world 54. I can identify birds by their calls 55. I like to hike and am part GOAT! 56. I can drive a Three-on-the-Tree stick shift 57. I like playing with fire. And in the mud. 58. I can do a Hula Hoop 59. I am not afraid of heights, I’ll climb anything 60. I have good muscle tone, was once a novice bodybuilder 61. I used to have a blue mohawk 62. I got my first piercing before it became popular 63. I have a long and graceful neck 64. I have some real swagger! 64. I get freckled in the sun 65. My eyes are an unusual shade of denim blue—and they are my best feature. 66. I have really long and full eyelashes! 67. My dreams are vivid and intense, sometimes prophetic or psychic 68. I have a good sense of smell, except now when I’m all stuffed up. 69. I can groom a dog--even a Poodle. 70. I can castrate a cat—and a pig. Know animal husbandry. 71. I am a good horseback rider. (Western, not English) Can groom and saddle up quickly. 72. I am not afraid of very much at all 73. I love to travel alone. I went to Europe alone when I was in my 20’s, and just bummed around for several months. 74. I am a good and prolific writer 75. I am a pretty decent photographer 76. I can imitate lots of sounds 77. I can come up with novel constructs/solutions to problems. 78. I am not afraid to look silly or make a mistake 79. I am very loyal and protective of my family and friends 80. I make the effort to treat everyone with dignity and respect 81. I obey the rules, laws, and do not try to get away with things 82. I treat others as I would like to be treated 83. I will stop and help anyone in need 84. I am a good person to have around in a crisis, cool head and think on my feet. 85. I am really good at handling blood and guts! (Still can't kill a chicken, though. I can't hurt things. I think that's good though.) 86. I stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves 87. I try to learn from everyone I meet 88. My hair grows really fast! 89. I am comfortable being “one of the guys”. 90. I can hold my liquor, and I don’t do “foo-foo” drinks. Give me that Glen 20, Ggrass!!! 91. I appreciate fine dining, great hotels… I have very good manners. 91. I am grateful for everything I have in my life. What landed in my lap, and what I make happen. 92. I work on being happy, and generally, I am 93. I can split and stack firewood, and can tell which kind of wood is which. 94. I can find my way around strange cities—and I never get lost in the woods. Naturally good sense of direction. 95. I don’t like shiny things. The jewelry I like is never shiny, I don’t like diamonds and precious stones. I’m more a “sterling silver and amethyst” kind of gal. Earthy, is more my style. I don’t like shiny glazes on pottery either. 96. I love nature and spending time in it 97. I like to be alone a lot, I have a very rich inner life. (Good thing, considering my current status.) 98. I am right brain dominant, so my spatial skills are more like a man’s. I can visualize and rotate in 3-D.. etc. 99. I am great at organizing things. 100. I HAVE GOOD SELF-ESTEEM!!!!!
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Many years ago, I read a self-help book and did an exercise in it. You were supposed to write down 100 things you would like to do in your lifetime. Somewhere in there I wrote "Play in a band".
I honestly have NO memory of writing that, or even wishing that in the past. I suspect I was digging deep to come up with 100 things to list.
I put the list away and promptly forgot about it. About 10-12 years later, after my divorce, I ran across the list. I was shocked to see that I had written that there - because in the meantime, I had learned to play the drums and had joined a band!!!!!
)