The changes I've made over the last few months have been around insecurity and jealousy issues I had during our M. I have not mentioned the OW since I first saw them together in July. I have not asked him about his life or his plans. I have not been been needy and I try to remain positive when he's around. I always try an look my best. I have become super-fit and train 4 times a week - the difference in how I look and hold myself is amazing.
I honestly do not know if he has noticed any of this. I figure he must have. But he has not mentioned it, or asked any questions about me or my life. He just does not seem interested in me at all.
I continue to hope he will get fed up with the OW and the excitement will wear off, or that he will come to realise that what we had was actually quite good.
I do go out with friends and have been asked out on a couple of dates, but the thought just repels me at the moment.
Everybody tells me to move on and forget him, and I tell them if it was that easy I would have done it 6 months ago.
Hoping 2015 is better for us all.
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
The changes I've made over the last few months have been around insecurity and jealousy issues I had during our M. I have not mentioned the OW since I first saw them together in July. I have not asked him about his life or his plans. I have not been been needy and I try to remain positive when he's around. I always try an look my best. I have become super-fit and train 4 times a week - the difference in how I look and hold myself is amazing.
Great job! Keep up the good work. You deserve to hold yourself up high, because you ARE amazing. Always tell yourself that. If husband chooses to see it, lucky for him. If he chooses not too, We all feel bad for that poor fellow.
Originally Posted By: stacey9
I honestly do not know if he has noticed any of this. I figure he must have. But he has not mentioned it, or asked any questions about me or my life. He just does not seem interested in me at all.
He HAS noticed, but he isn't willing to believe it....yet. You have to keep consistent and make your changes stick. Even long after, you feel the changes you have made are permanent, he will still be questioning if it's an act. Keep working on yourself, always working on yourself.
Originally Posted By: stacey9
I continue to hope he will get fed up with the OW and the excitement will wear off, or that he will come to realise that what we had was actually quite good.
He most likely will become tired of the OW, or she of him. That is usually the way these things work. What he probably won't realize though, is that you marriage was quite good. Clearly it wasn't, or you wouldn't be here today. That is why we work on our personal growth and fix as many of our poor character traits as we can. Your old marriage is effectively dead. It is in the past, so give it a hug and let it go. Tomorrow is what you are working towards
Originally Posted By: stacey9
I do go out with friends and have been asked out on a couple of dates, but the thought just repels me at the moment.
Don't worry about dating. Your happiness doesn't hinge on anyone but yourself. Keep going out, and keep staying active. You will accept a date when you're ready, or you won't. What you will do for sure, by continuing to GAL, is save yourself. If you want to be happy, get out there and find your happy place.
Originally Posted By: stacey9
Everybody tells me to move on and forget him, and I tell them if it was that easy I would have done it 6 months ago.
Stacey, this is your timeline, nobody else's. Just stay positive and work through things as they come. That rope will drop when you least expect it. I guarantee it
Suckerpunch thank you so much for your wise words. Your positivity helps so much.
It's true our m was terrible in the year before he left. And he has said our m was over years ago. Not for me though. May I ask you what was the turning point for you? When did it all stop hurting so much and how were you able to detach enough to allow this?
He asked when he could come round on Christmas Day with the kids presents. I can't believe he will be waking up without them. I told him to come anytime in the morning, I think it'll be upsetting for us all when he leaves again. His choice, his life.
Wishing everyone a peaceful holiday.
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
Well, I still struggle with it on a daily basis, but now I am at a point where it doesn't monopolize my thoughts or control my actions. If anger or hurt about my marriage comes into my mind, I can pretty much turn it off, shrug my shoulders and get on with my day. You and I have soooo many similarities. That is why I relate so much to your sitch. I was paralyzed, maybe even more so than you. I couldn't believe the level of hurt that I was feeling. I never thought life would get better, and I never thought I would be able to let go.
I was told over and over, by some amazing people here, to GAL and work on my anger. It took me a long time to get with that program, and it held me back in my healing. I finally found myself moving forward, when I was able to get my feet in gear and start living life again. That is why I stress so much to you, to GAL. It will be your saving grace. Put it into motion ASAP. I think another big step forward for me began when I was able to simply go dark, or at least as dark as I can be with a child involved. I have found the less contact I have with W, the better I feel. My hurt and anger are noticeably more present when I have seen wife, heard of her or talked to her. Contact always seems to stir the emotions. I think there is a lot to be said for "out of sight, out of mind". Today, she has been out of sight, out of mind long enough that I really don't pay her much thought. I am becoming more and more ambivalent in regards to her, every day. You will get to this point too. It just takes time. Everything you hear on this site, the GAL, exercising, working on self growth, doing your 180's, acting "as if", all of it is VERY solid advice for all of us. Putting all of this great advice into action is your only obstacle. That's the part you have to figure out, and you WILL figure it out in time. Right now, its just hard to see it, but it is there. Right in front of you ....Happiness
Thank you again suckerpunch, that is all so good to hear. I do want to get to where you are but I am still hoping he might one day want to come back.
I survived Christmas day. He came round with presents for the kids but it was quite awkward. There seemed to be long gaps in the conversation, so I came through from the kitchen to try and help. We made small talk, but there were no hugs or warmth. I gave some family members a framed photo of the kids and I wondered if it would be a good idea to give one to H, but decided not to. He went off to spend Xmas day with the OW and I had a hectic day with a house full of family. It was fun. There were only a few tears,in private,when I remembered the last 20 odd years of preparing dinner with H, laughing and dancing in the kitchen....so many magical memories that he has chosen to forget.
And I do agree it is so much harder when there is daily contact, it's also difficult hearing about him and the OW - everyone I know seems to want to share their stories. And she really is nothing special. It's just a living hell thinking about them together.
I am so looking forward to happiness....
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
Rpp thanks so much for checking in on me! And a very happy birthday to you.
Not much to report I'm afraid, not seen much of H during the last couple of weeks, although a fb friend did post photos of a new year party and there in the background were H and OW, smiling and happy.
I don't post much but I do check up on all your threads - very strange indeed about your H flirting with you RPP (if it was my H, I would be overjoyed!). I especially like reading up on yourself, Mozza, Little, SS, Lisa, Maybell, Toots, Jim, Hpoirot, Kgirl, Raliced, Vanilla, card, and the advice and observations really really help. I also read back often on the advice given to me and cannot thank everyone enough for that.
I just wish this sinking feeling would go. I think of H and OW most of the day, I just can't seem to detach from them. I feel so much more hopeful when I think it may not last although from everything I see it seems to be very serious between them. I think he must have been so bored with his life with me and now he is living the life of a single guy with no ties and he seems to love it. And he seems so in love with her.
MWD says to visualize a positive outcome and when I do this I feel so much better, but is it giving me false hope?
I am busy with work, family, pets, the house etc and I am grateful for so many things in my life.
I just keep looking for a sign, any sign, no matter how small, that he is sorry for what he's done, or has a bit of doubt in his mind, or just misses something about me. And I hate this OW so much for being half responsible for breaking up my family.
Thanks for listening! S
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
MWD says to visualize a positive outcome and when I do this I feel so much better, but is it giving me false hope?
I am busy with work, family, pets, the house etc and I am grateful for so many things in my life.
Stacey - When you say you are visualizing a positive outcome - what does that outcome look like? Are you only visualizing an outcome that includes reconciliation?
