He's traveling all week and usually has a lot of evening events when he's away. So I assume I ought not to bother him. I guess I should just drop him an email putting it out there? And see what happens?
A couple of weeks ago we had a freer week than usual so I offered him a second week night with the kids. He started to get defensive and I hurried to say I want criticizing, I was offering. He relaxed and ultimately took me up on it. So I hesitate to say these things because I don't want it read as commentary.
I'm so tired of all this. Wish we could just speak freely with each other and come back to fix it all and be better.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I don't know if reconciliation is in my future and I'm really afraid it's not. I do want it, if it can be good (I don't know if he has it in him).
Wow, this really caught my eye today. I've been very down and wondering why I'm putting up with what I am right now.
As far as the in-laws are concerned I think it's in our nature to want our loved ones to "do what is going to make them happy." As far as I know my H hasn't told his family except his sister and BIL that he is closest to. I don't agree with everything she has said (have not talked about it since shortly after the BD) but I know she wants to support her brother. She told me she wants to support me too but I know she is not a person I can talk to. Also told me we would always be family.
I know if my brother or son were doing what my H were doing I would not support it.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
I'm so tired of all this. Wish we could just speak freely with each other and come back to fix it all and be better.
I'm wondering about that. What use is DB if we're just waiting for our S to come back and resume what we consider a "normal" mode of communication ("speak freely")? I'm wary of falling back into old patterns if my W were to come back. Part of my concern comes from knowing I have this desire that things return to "normal", and normal is part of what sent her packing. Sometimes I think that the DB way of communicating -- no criticism, no pushing, assume good intentions, hold back some communications -- is actually a lesson on how we should be communicating all the time in a couple (and beyond?).
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
So I have received a screenshot of his Tinder profile. My friends are urging me strongly and unanimously to follow up with any of the (unmarried) guys entertaining me last weekend. Nobody knows what I'm holding out for and it's hard to explain. I feel a slight inclination to send him a brief email saying I've seen his profile and that I'm tired of all the lying. Apparently the profile has been active since the summer.
On the other hand, I have been dark for two months and I'm ok with being dark longer. I certainly don't have any interest in connecting with him at the moment. Nor am I going to audition for a role (wife) that I've long since earned, especially not against the sort of women who would date a married man.
I'm not especially upset at the moment because I'm not surprised. But I am disgusted. I had been thinking of getting him a Christmas present. But I definitely will not now.
Should I let him know I know?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Oh Maybell, I'm so sorry to hear... If it's any consolation, I've heard (never used it) that Tinder is pretty hard on men's self-esteem. I read this Huffington Post article by a relationship guru who got on it by curiosity and never got a date, if I recall. He was judged unworthy by hundreds of women. The grass is unlikely to be very green on his side of the fence, as he tries the app. Sounds to me like he may have trouble meeting women and that he needs a boost to his self-esteem that he's unlikely to get. Keep the high road and increase your worth in his eyes.
PS: I don't see any reason to let him know you know (did I miss something?), nor to start dating as if you were in a competition with him. Date when you feel ready, it has nothing to do with him.
Last edited by Mozza; 12/03/1402:41 AM. Reason: PS
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
You're probably right, Mozza, but I am absolutely not going to have anything to do with him for Christmas and if he is bothered to ask why I'll probably be honest. I intend for my Christmas to be as enjoyable as my Thanksgiving was. He won't be part of it.
Oh, and my H is a FOOL.
Last edited by Maybell; 12/03/1403:01 AM.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Don't let him know that you're not getting a present for him. Just don't give him anything, and if he asks you can just say you didn't think you guys were doing that this year, given the circumstances. Enough said.
And this: "Nor am I going to audition for a role (wife) that I've long since earned, especially not against the sort of women who would date a married man."
Just -- yes. I am exactly where you are right now Maybell. Now I know what it really feels like to drop the rope. I'm tempted to cut the rope up into tiny pieces, but that would take too much effort on my part. Better to just walk away. Have a wonderful holiday without him -- you deserve it!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
