I trust Wonka to come up on my tail and tell me I screwed this ^^^ up yet again.
This Goat Gal is so wise, yet so clueless. Such is the life of a Goddess!
We're just useless at doing anything practical, really.
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Thanks for checking in, job, Wonka, Bright, Maybell, nero, Lou... Rest assured I am sticking to the DBing plan! I appreciate you following along with my crazy sitch!
Here's a "quick update" for all you GUBU fans:
I did invite him for Thanksgiving if he had no other plans, and said that I wanted to know by that morning whether or not he'd eat with me.
That morning he said "I will not be eating there." via text. Totally expected, really. He then said "not trying to be a jerk".
Ok, so I was annoyed. Like what do I have--the plague or something? And FWIW, I am a great cook.
But as far as he was concerned, I sent a pleasant text: "Figured you wouldn't. That's why I had backup plans."
(Which I didn't really, just eating alone and playing music alone... same old, same old. Yay me being an introvert. Thank goodness for small favors.)
He apologized again later, via text: "Don't take offense, just in a weird place today."
Ok.. whatever. I validated: "I often feel the same. Don't sweat it. Perhaps another time."
Funny how he never says "Thanks for the invite..." or anything that actually recognizes that I asked him... it's always this third-person sort of response that minimizes what I asked into some soul-less transaction. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thinking about all these "Nice Guys" on here who are working on rediscovering their manly assertiveness, I recalled a convo GUBU and I had early on after OW discovery last year. He had this printed paper that was all about "Codependency". I asked him about it, and he said that he and OW were trying to figure themselves out... (!!!!!)...and "decided they were Codependent."
Well...DUH! It's the "Captain Save-A-Ho" syndrome...
NOW it seems he is very aware he is massively codependent, (just things he's doing and saying that point to trying to reverse this tendency) and after doing a lot of reading on the subject myself, I can see how this has played into our R over the years.
He did at one point try and "explain" to me that because he is codependent, that I must be as well, but--sorry--nope! Probably why he was so weird around me and felt so "GOOD" with OW. She was so needy and messed up from everything he said. Clearly.
As for me--I'm seen a few psychologists and one good psychiatrist over the years and the label "codependent' or 'narcissistic" never came up. I have a "healthy" attachment style, am independent but compassionate... aside from the ADD and Asperger's, pretty darn healthy. And I work really hard to make those last two not define me or what I can do. I've taken every freaking online test and "Codependent"--it's just not me. Never was. ---------------------------------------------------------------------
GUBU was probably always somewhat uncomfortable with me because I was NOT the classic needy, messed up one who he could rescue to make himself feel needed and therefore have value. I guess was scary for that reason.
Yet, I was somehow what he wanted. He married me, didn't he? I think I was the exception among all the needy, messed up women he had before (and during) our R. (Yes, I see that now. I was the first non-train wreck, except for one old girlfriend decades ago who was lovely, and yes--he dumped her too!) I think I was the case of the "relationship that could have been healthy if the codependent wasn't so busy sabotaging it...."
Anyway... I digress... This is just historical filler, as Dr. GoatGal is writing her dissertation.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------
The point here is that I think this *might* be something he's working on in therapy, since he's gone from "Mr. I'll Do ANYTHING for You" to "Mr. I Don't Give a Rat's A$$ and I'm Learning How to Say NO and Your Feelings are YOUR BUSINESS."
All well and good, except that he exploded my life, I'm living here alone, and he does have some responsibility for that. He's crossed over into minimal compassion land. In fact, he's been there for a long time now.
Yes, he'll do what I ask. But he never offers to do anything and basically just does whatever he wants without thinking of me. So--no one wants a codependent mate, but a compassionate one... well, that might be nice for a change of pace.
I figure it's going to take some time for him to learn where the middle ground is between "Indecisive Passive-Aggressive, Covert Contractor" and "Total Jerk-o-Mo, Non-Empathetic, Self-Centered Pr*ck." Time will tell. --------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyhow, on Thanksgiving I just focused on what I had coming up for the weekend and made the best of it. But yeah, it did suck being here alone on yet another holiday. Last year sucked too.
But my Gala was great and I enjoyed that very much. Today I'm home, but then have another event Sunday evening, dinner and dancing with friends. So I'm staying busy.
Even at my age I am still working on improving my dancing abilities and working in new techniques and problem solving. Same for my music. I have been working hard on that and it's paying off. I'm surprising even myself these days.
Ragtime guitar. I'm killing it! I don't know where this stuff is coming from. There must be an old blind mountain woman deep down in my soul.
But really, it's just hard work over time. And I've had plenty of time, no doubt about it.
Back to GUBU and my laboratory notes: It's hard to think of all the little things he's been doing that show me progress, but there have been several.
* Ongoing pleasant phone calls, for one. More laughing, more eye contact. Just more light interactions without so much drama.
* Extending our health insurance benefits * Keeping all the finances jointly * Not getting his own place, still working on the house... more clothes have appeared.
* He stopped asking what time I'd be leaving or getting home when I go out. He knows where I'm going, what I'm doing, and who I'm with. I have nothing to hide.
* He still gives me his whereabouts, makes a point of letting me know he's at "his" place, (highly doubt he'd have another woman there for a bunch of reasons, plus, he wouldn't be calling/texting me so much), he says when he'll be late, etc.
* His truck is a wreck. Can't imagine he'd actually take a woman on a date in it. It's filled with pistachio shells like there was a squirrel in there or something. (Did someone say: "Squirrel"??? Is it rabid???? ) Outside, it's dented and there's hay stuck in the cracks. It's a shambles.
*There have been times where he's pointedly avoiding seeing me when he's been here which I thought was odd, because mostly we've been pretty cool around each other---until I realized that on those days he was grubby and unshaven... and I *think* he didn't want to be around me looking like that. (???)
* He HAS been around when he's been shaven and wearing decent, clean, non-manure barn clothes.
* I haven't noticed his beard getting any longer, but at least he's not doing the grubby thing and leaving it as stubble. He knows I hate that.
* He was going to stay here Wed. night even though I was going to be here the whole time, because we had a snowstorm and he thought he could help. That was nice. But he quickly decided that it wasn't enough snow to justify staying. So he will be around, he just needs an "excuse". Still, it's forward motion.
Yet---he's still locking his truck when he's here for 10 minutes. Weird. Creepy. I always wonder what he's afraid of/hiding...or what. Then I think about something else--like... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the record, I looked KICK-A$$ last night!!! I asked him to fasten my pearl necklace for me... (made him touch me) thanked him for doing that, and how "being a girl" takes a lot of work! (I can be a bit tom-boyish, so I'm playing that up.)
The Gala was a black and white theme, so it was a form-fitting vintage black sleeveless dress with a low back/neckline (tasteful), with pearls and a pearl comb in my upswept blonde hair. Ruby red lips, perfume, vintage makeup with pale skin, dark eyeliner, blood red fingernails, seamed stockings, vintage black heels... get the picture?
I KNOW he did!
Then I made a comment about how unfortunate it was that the "scent of the hairspray was conflicting with my perfume..."
"Oh". He says. "Hah. I guess it would." (Bit of sarcasm I heard from him, but my point was made!) I looked good, smelled good, and was concerned that anyone in my vicinity might not get the full benefit of my perfume. Ahem....ahem...
Anyhow. Sometimes it's hard. I haven't had any physical affection other than hugs from friends and dancing. No bodywork since my therapist has had family issues and can't work on me. No one really touches me, holds my hand.
My animals are good, but talk about "needy"! I want someone to GIVE to ME for a change. That does make me sad sometimes, always being alone.
But then I remember that you wonderful folks are out there in the ether, and I'm grateful to have people to talk to.
Time to feed the mutts and make myself some nice Thanksgiving leftovers, which apparently I'll be eating for the next month....
And, oh yeah. I'm pretty detached. That's good.
Your Pal,
The Goat Gal "The Queen of the "QUICK UPDATE"!!! I'm working on that. And yes, I double-posted this from my old thread because it was locked.
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Sounds like you looked positively scandalous last night!!!! Glad you are well. Keep it up:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
It takes a bit more work these days, but I do enjoy getting dolled up and going out. People talk about how important it is to get out there and be around people of both genders, not dating, but maybe testing the waters with a little flirting... this is all new for me.
I've had that "I'm MARRIED" badge of protection for so long, I feel naked without it. And I never flirted with anyone while H and I were together. Heck, I never even flirted before we met! I never had to. Things were different then.
I am making the effort to be less Tomboy-ish and more--I don't want to say "sexy" because that's not it, just more "Feminine" I guess.
I'm still a Tomboy at heart, I think that's obvious, but these days I clean up pretty well.
1. It has been determined that there is a correlation between my pulling back and H pulling back--more. After his decision to not have Thanksgiving with me (I'd invited him), I pulled back and just went to minimal, friendly contact. Immediately he stopped with the "Goodnight" texts and calls for no reason. He stopped with the friendly texts and now it's back to "all business."
I'm not sure what to think/do about this. But it just can't always be me that sticks my neck out. I have no doubt that he knows I was a bit hurt that he blew me off. He even said he "wasn't trying to be a jerk".
But even though he hurt my feelings a little and I pulled in to protect myself, is it possible that HE feels rejected when I do that? How can that be?
When I go dim/dark, he goes even darker. Like he's respecting my wishes or something. In any case, he DOES NOT REACH OUT TO ME when I pull back. AT ALL. Some days I feel like I don't understand anything.
2. I was deleting some of our old emails and read a few before trashing them. At one point I'd said that my decision was to stay in the house and wait for the two years for the D to be finalized before I moved, or did anything. I said nothing would change my mind. (Still true.) Makes me wonder if he's just hanging out and "waiting" for this non-negotiable period to pass, before he can prove we've been separated for two years and can get the uncontested divorce at that point. (Maybe why he wouldn't eat with me. They have this thing about "sharing meals and doing laundry" on the books.)
3. No matter what, I will be ahead of the game if we D. He will have a house that is under a massive remodel, a property that requires constant work, a long commute, a ex-wife with a hefty alimony payment, a bunch of dogs and a house to keep up on a day-to-day basis. He doesn't have the time or the money to do this on his own. That's a fact. He will have no leisure time whatsoever, no time for another R, and there is not a woman in her right mind who would live in this chithole. (This is my home and my animals and even I can't stand it!!!) He doesn't like to be alone, he needs to be needed. He is going to be one very lonely and guilt-ridden man. That is also a fact.
As for me--I will be happy living away from him and the chaos he has brought into my life. I will be relieved to be living any place where I can put my clothes in a closet, have friends over and sit in a real kitchen, be able to be organized and live my life the way I want.
I know I will have friends, my music/art/dancing, I will have a full and happy life. I will be free in so many ways. H might take my home, my life as I knew it, but he can't take away my spirit, my talents, and my choice to be happy. I will be getting the better end of the deal, no doubt about it.
4. H is still about where he was several weeks ago in terms of our interactions.. He's sort of stuck, at least from where I'm sitting. He alternately looks sort of healthy, other days like he was on a five-day-bender. He still wants to stay here if I'm going out, and will stay for at least a week while I'm gone over Christmas. He has been on the fence a few times about staying here while I'm actually here, but that has yet to happen. He has not mentioned "talking about the future" again since the last time a couple weeks ago.
5. I don't know if he's still in therapy; I no longer look at any statements or bills to see if he's writing checks to his IC, or anything else. He has mentioned his "writing" and "reading" as if they're assignments, but I have not asked about this.
6. I don't think he is involved or trying to be involved with anyone else. Since he's here virtually every night after work and calls/texts me in the evenings and is still living with his employee/codependent lesbian friend, (doesn't seem motivated to get his own place), he doesn't really have the time, money, or place to carry on.
He has called me from "his" place (Guest room) and has told me to call him there, *seemingly* to let me know that that is where he really is.
7. He continues to be transparent about finances and I have all the banking passwords/credit card info, all statements still being sent to the house. He has *said* several times that he "wants me to feel secure." (Ummm.... ok?) I would see (if I chose to look) any weird charges that would indicate hiding money, unexplained charges which might point to a new OW. Frankly, I think since his work OW and how that all blew up on him, I don't think he'd go fishing at work again. Too many eyes on him now. MAYBE he learned his lesson, he could have lost his job.
He also just doesn't have the self-esteem to go out there and date. He is like a whipped puppy. (Not attractive AT ALL.) He has no confidence, looks like hell, and, I'm pretty sure, feels like a real heel. I think playing around in fantasy on-line dating land and maybe chatting with (lying to) some "possibles" is about as far as he might go. Because to go further might mean REJECTION. And he can't take that. He needs a sure thing. OW was a sure thing--and then some. (Fact. She made the first move. He wouldn't have had the balls, sorry to say. I do know that about him.)
And right now, I AM DEFINITELY NOT A 'SURE THING".
8. He can view my phone bill, I can't see his, but I don't care. I have nothing to hide. I don't think he's involved with anyone. When he's here working he's not on the phone...when he was with OW he was on the phone CONSTANTLY. Can't say it's not possible, but if he is, he's not spending any money on her or spending much time with her since he's always here.
9. He *seems* to want me to reach out to him, but then when I do ask him to do something, he declines. Although, if I had to find a positive it would be that the first time he declined, he said 'I will NOT be going" and some other nonsense about how sad HE was---blah blah blah. This second time he declined as well, but said he wasn't trying to be a jerk, not to "take offense" since he was "just having a weird day." So baby steps, right? At least he recognized that I went out on a limb and was nicer about blowing me off. Plus, I was SO COOL about it I sent him home with a nice doggy bag for him and Co-D Landlady-Friend. He texted me later about how much she loved my cooking and could I write out my recipe for her. And I did. I think he appreciated that, and maybe it made him feel like more of an A$$hat. Can't be sure on that one.
10. He has yet to go out of his way for me without me asking, and in fact has spent a lot of time working on projects here that really are all about making HIS life easier, not mine. He put new lights in down at the barn. (So he can see what he's doing at night.) He's put a new door on "his" bathroom in the basement. Man needs his privacy, I guess.
I have already decided that if puts a lock on that door, and keeps the only key, I will have it removed. In the past he has been very secretive about his porn, alcohol use, and OW. He is still behaving in a secretive way and I won't tolerate that in MY HOME. My suspicion is that he is going to want to move into the basement (ridiculous, the more I think of it), and that having a door that locks will facilitate him being able to hide things from me that he thinks I shouldn't know about (Fill in reason HERE.) Of course, this ^^^ is total mind reading!
BOUNDARY: There will be no locks on doors in this house as long as I'm living here. If that's how he wants to live, he can go somewhere else!
11. The fact remains that I am living in a chitstorm of chaos, yet he busies himself with HIS personal projects (on "our" house.) bathroom, and HIS lights, and HIS electrical and HIS privacy doors.
When I asked him--while he's doing electrical stuff--to please set up the light on the master bedroom deck where I put the dogs out at night, (because I can't find them when they get lost in the yard, there are predators, I end up stepping in a pile of doggy doo in my slippers in the middle of the night), he acted put out.
I've only brought it up a handful of times over the last THREE YEARS, yanno? But no one can say that I am a nag! (Oh I know. He's MAD because I threw him out. If he were living here, he'd probably get that done in a heartbeat. I keep forgetting that HE is the victim here.)
Anyhow, when I asked about the bedroom deck light: Big sigh from GUBU---"That will be SO much work. But I can TRY and do it over Christmas while you're gone." Guess it's not a priority FOR HIM. This has not changed.
EVERYTHING IS STILL ALL ABOUT HIM. EVERYTHING ABOUT ME IS ALL ABOUT HIM. And it's everyone else who is paying for it. I'm sick of this.
He's got this issue: He'll do twenty easy things that take little thought, not plan them well, and have shoddy results, rather than have to plan and do ONE THING that really needs to be done. For my part, I SAY NOTHING.
I *think* there is a fear of failure or something. That if he doesn't put in any effort and just "throws it together", then it's not a problem if it's half-assed. He is now diagnosed with ADHD. Duh. I've known that for years, takes one to know one, right? But supposedly he is "coping SO well." NOT! He is NOT! He's a mess.
Doing something right requires forethought, cooperation, and planning. Three things he avoids at all cost. I am the opposite. Whatever I do, I do well. I am not a perfectionist, but I don't do things half-assed. Why bother?
BTW--all that talk about staining the decks and the expensive power washer he bought that's still sitting in the garage... well, how come he's not washing and staining the decks? Why is he putting up all these ridiculous light fixtures? He's spent HOURS on this busy work, and meanwhile, well... nothing on the long list gets done.
He seems to be distracting himself by all this "busyness". I really can't stand this about him and I now can't even see this house getting done as we planned, even if we are happy as two peas in a pod.
And that's another reason I think I might be happier without him. Sad to say. It's true.
It's just logistics now, unless he pulls a Magic Talking Perfumed Rainbow Unicorn out of his butt at the final hour which speaks the words of his major epiphany:
"I have made a terrible mistake. I understand all the awful things I've done to you, with OW, the porn, and all the distancing and emotional coldness over the years. You did nothing to deserve that. Nobody deserves that.
I did it because I refused to deal with my problems. I am dealing with them now and I will not stop working on myself. I realize how important it is.
You deserve the best me I can be and I want to be that man.
I want to make it up to you. I love you and want to try again to have a M. I will do whatever it takes, and I will never give up.
You mean everything to me and I can't imagine life without you."
And this ^^^, my fellow DBers, is just about as likely as it sounds.
*sigh*
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
I know I will have friends, my music/art/dancing, I will have a full and happy life. I will be free in so many ways. H might take my home, my life as I knew it, but he can't take away my spirit, my talents, and my choice to be happy.
Amen sistah!
Quote:
Makes me wonder if he's just hanging out and "waiting" for this non-negotiable period to pass, before he can prove we've been separated for two years and can get the uncontested divorce at that point. (Maybe why he wouldn't eat with me. They have this thing about "sharing meals and doing laundry" on the books.)
Well, this might explain his thing about only staying there when you're not there.
Quote:
I now can't even see this house getting done as we planned,
Just a thought - if he doesn't finish the house, then its value will be less in a divorce, and he'll have to pay you less for your share, right? Maybe that's part of him not finishing the big stuff?
Also - I know you're busy with the animals and such, but have you started to think about employment options for yourself? Never too early to start learning new skills or brushing up old ones.
Who knows what's going through his mind? I doubt he even does!
To me, if he's sleeping here while I'm here from 11-8, rather than 9-8, it's really not that big of a difference.
It's hard to imagine he'd be that calculating. As per what I said above, he usually rides on pure emotion.
If he was really putting any thought into it, he'd be doing plenty of other things to set himself up better for after a D and he's done nothing.
As for the house, it's a big concern. Right now we're upside down, and it can't be sold as is. He can't keep it up alone. I am not going to walk away from this with a mountain of debt. I'll declare bankruptcy and they can foreclose on the damn thing for all I care.
I am not going to carry such a tremendous burden for the rest of my earning years because he was a d*ck about being a husband.
We have a lot of money sunk into this house, it was our dream. Or, it was MY dream and he allowed me to operate under the delusion that it was HIS dream too...
IF it could be finished, it would sell for much more than we bought it. If unfinished, it's a massive liability.
There is no way he's going to buy out my share of the equity (very little), then finish fixing it up and pocket whatever profit is made. I put a lot of sweat equity into this project and that counts for something. I have easily done the lion's share of the work.
That's a discussion the lawyers can have. I am going to try and get every red cent I can from him, whether or not he thinks it's fair-- I do.
He's taken almost 30 years of my life and thrown it away. Sorry, but he doesn't get a "get out of jail free" card.
As for employment, I have a lot of skills, have had various jobs over the years. If and when I have to, I'll pursue that.
Right now, I can't have a "regular" job because my "job" is being here and taking care of the home/animals/property. I can't be gone more than a few hours at a time.
And neither could he! He knows this.
However, I am working on my music, putting out feelers for some writing/promotional jobs, organizing events and such. A lot of that I can do from home. Advertising, working for a magazine, things I could do part-time.
He will be paying me at least 50% of his income in future, so that will set me up fairly well, even after taxes, providing I can live frugally. That's our law, thank goodness. Plus I get 50% of all our investments, etc. I will lobby for not taking on the debt (he makes good money and I haven't "worked" for over ten years), I will keep my car (paid for) all the things I came with, all my personal things and at least half of the household furnishing.
I don't think he'll care. At some point I will receive a small inheritance from my mother. I really don't want him to be able to spend a penny of that, even if we stay married. I will keep that in a separate account as a "safety net" for myself.
(Something I always wanted in the past, per Suze Orman "A woman should ALWAYS have some money of her own." Subtext= Ladies! MEN CHEAT! Anyhow, H always balked at how I'd never need that, why can't I just trust him, hasn't he always been trustworthy? Well---he was. Until he wasn't. He spend a TON on OW, hotels, driving around, trip to NYC...gifts. Ugh.)
If we D, he is not getting a penny of anything my family worked for. That's going in any agreement I make with him.
Oh, and if we DO stay married, a post-nup is non-negotiable. Funny, after OW discovery he said he'd do one, I was a bit slow on the uptake, and he ended up filing.
So it goes.
But yes, even though I am sitting tight I am doing a lot of thinking and planning. As I said I have lots of feelers out in various places. I don't think I'll have a major problem finding something.
As I said, as of Feb. I will put some more wheels into motion. That was my plan. I want to get through the holidays and see what transpires. Then this next year is about getting my motor running to move forward in my life without him.
Who knows? Maybe that's just what he needs to see.
Thanks for checking in, kml!
--(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Right now, I can't have a "regular" job because my "job" is being here and taking care of the home/animals/property. I can't be gone more than a few hours at a time.
This is what keeps you stuck and H knows this. Is this the life you want? Chained to that Charlotte Web's farm for an eternity? You do matter. Very. Very. Much.So.
No one else is looking out for #1. You are the only person who can look out for yourself. My worry is that you will wait and wait. By then, it may be too late.
I know we all have to ride out the MLC chit. At what cost?? That is the beauty of having that choice as the LBS. We can either decide to pull the plug or stay put.
If I were in your shoes, I'd pull the plug and buy myself a nice little condo with a low HOA fees (or a small cottage). Then dance up a storm at the Dance Hall and know that I will come home to a nice, decent condo/cottage.
I have had a similar thought many times. Having my own place--I like to live alone, truth be told. I like doing what I want, how I want, and not being around the kind of negativity that GUBU has been giving off the last several years.
I don't feel "stuck" at all though. I feel trapped by some responsibilities, the time of my chores is difficult, but I am not stuck in the sense that I can't get past this. I can get past this.
And H has always been happy to be here for me to GAL my butt off. During the week, it's hard, but on the weekends I'm often traveling, and I'm out a lot dancing, DJing, playing music and now recording.
Left to my own devices, I'd be home alone all day anyway, busy with my own stuff. So it's not all that weird.
And right now, I don't need a job. I am grateful for that.
But leaving H and my M means I will be leaving all my animals, my studio, my home, all the work I've put into this. That's a huge thing, and not something I want to do if it can be avoided.
Emotionally, I am moving on and planning ahead. But my plan is still not to move physically until the ink on the D papers is dry.
I don't feel it's in my best interests now for a bunch of reasons. Not the least of which is--I have a lot of studio equipment/ceramic and musical, and packing, moving and storing that stuff is going to be a tremendous amount of physical labor. Not to mention emotionally draining.
I don't have to, so I am not going to. That has been and will continue to be my decision. GUBU can think about it whatever he likes. That's his business. I am spending this time I have very wisely and it's really not wasted "in limbo".
It may be "limbo" as far as he is concerned, but I am making great strides.
Not to worry. I will not wait and wait. I will wait until I know what I want to do and I am ready to do it. Not before then.
Because as everyone says, this is my choice now.
And I do have a deadline. That gives me a full year to solidify my plans. Which I still will not act upon until the year is out/divorce is final. Because it will only be at that point when I will know exactly what my financial situation will be.
--(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
