He knows I've kept track of the amount of time he didn't contact the girls. I made a point of that. Stupid. I'm sure he is coming up with ways to defend this lack of parenting and I'm sure it will be my fault.
D12 Counseling Homeschool letter of intent Call local school and set up time with guidance to see if it's possible to get her enrolled and what that would mean... Contact homeschooling mom/teacher Church...join a church? Landline so he can't say she is unable to contact him or vice versa-shid, do I just pay the bill?
My rent and car payment are both going to be late because of the car insurance and other expenses here.
Question: Why hasn't my effin atty sent letters about temp support. Why are we on the defensive? I don't like how reactionary my atty has been so far. I'd rather be the one sending the letters than receiving them. Dumb$$
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time right now Heather, I know it is so very tough. I'm confident that you will work through it, and be able to look back at this time and be proud of how you handled it. Of that I have no doubt.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Breathe! Express your anger here today so that it's not so evident around your daughters.
There's nothing you can do today or tomorrow about calling the local school. They reopen on Monday. Have your list ready w/questions for them.
Contact the homeschooling mom tomorrow.
If you are already attending a church, I think you are okay on that one.
Counseling? I think you've already started this process.
Call or go on line and schedule a landline order be put in place. They reopen tomorrow. Can't he contact her thru email on a laptop or computer? If he can do that, then I wouldn't be so worried about the phone issue.
Also, you did tell him that you would be moving. So, he was very much aware of the move, the job and that you were going to be going very soon.
The tools, dig out your email where you advised him and your lawyer what you did w/them. You'll probably need to address this issue again. The one thing in your favor is that he's had ample time to come get them before you gave them away. He knew that you were going to move and should have come to get them, in fact, he should have gotten them when he moved to his new place. But, that's water under the bridge now.
I would also pull any documentation that you have on what you paid to have repairs, upkeep, etc. done on the home since he left. If he wants to squeeze every dime out of you, then you need to have your documentation too.
Get all of your documentation together because the questions are now going to start coming. Why? Because he's angry about a lot of things, the house situation, tools and yes, the holidays are upon us and he's not happy that you are doing well, and because of this, he doesn't want to pay one red cent because you are working.
You need to address the retirement savings that he cashed out, if he did so. Even though he worked a job and you were a mom, you were still entitled to half of that when it comes to divorce. Whether you can get any of that back, will be something to address when the time comes.
The questions that are being raised a normal questions that are asked when separation/divorce is taking place. It's all part of the discovery process and as long as you have your documentation and what you've done w/things, you will be in good shape. You've got to keep a level head about this stuff because if you don't, you'll mess up.
I'm sure his child support didn't cover everything that your daughters needed in the way of clothing, etc., List what he paid you for support and when and then show what you had to pay in addition to what he gave you. I'm sure it's a bit more than what his check covered.
I don't think your lawyer is reactionary. I think he's been waiting for them to show their hand, which they've begun to do. Reactionary would be sending letters back and forth consistently and he's not done that.
Bottom line, you are going to have to do some homework and get your lists together very soon. Have you gotten the discovery package yet? It should spell out exactly what you need to address and yes, it's a lot of work, but it's got to be done. Heather, when I went down this road, I made a list of everything that was given to me as a gift, the value and who gave it to me, i.e, this also applies to anything in your home and not just personal items. I also made a list of what expenses that I had incurred on the marital home, and who I paid to have the repairs done, once he walked out, since he claimed that he was still co-owner of the home.
Try to stay calm because you need to stay focused and keep a level head. I know you feel that you are on the defensive, but this is normal stuff to the lawyers. Going thru the divorce process isn't easy or fun and it's got a lot of headaches attached to it, but when it's done, you'll feel a whole lot better.
Your rent and car payment being late is not a good thing...I know you have expenses, but the late fees are going to be tacked on and you don't want to set a pattern of being late and this will appear on your credit rating. You now have a landlord and he may frown upon lateness.
No 2X4's from me...but this is why I was encouraging you to talk to your father about the money he gave you because you may need to rely on your father and mother to help you out again with finances. Heather, please do not put this conversation off any longer. You are digging your hole deeper where it comes to your finances and I'm worried about that because it's difficult to get out of the hole once you've started sliding down into it.
My father isn't going to help. That just won't happen.
As far as my father is concerned, there is absolutely NO excuse for lying to him. I was already on a tenuous line with him.
My father will never, ever understand drug addiction, MLC, depression, a sexual assault that happened at my house, etc...
Dad understands Ferraris and trips to Italy.
I love my dad and always will...but, he has worked hard to create a relationship with each of his kids where the ugly, nasty truth of life never creeps in. We all follow the rules. You don't talk about unpleasantness with dad. You just don't.
When I lied, I was following his rules. In fact, chances are slim, he would have loaned me the money for the move had I told him the truth in June. Actually, I probably would have been bludgeoned, like he is now bludgeoning D20. I would have been annhialiated for allowing myself to get into such a precarious financial position again. That's just my dad.
There's a reason I lied. Even I didn't understand it completely at the time.
You think Smokey is a hard-a$$ about money...you never met my dad. He loves to be in a position to bail people out.
And, the reason I never called him?? Because if I have to hear the sighing, disappointed sound in his voice one more time...well, I think I will vomit. I'm not that lady anymore. I'm not that victim who the family can gossip about and say, "Poor Heather" OR "What is she thinking?"
He will quickly paste me right back into that mold. No explanations will do the trick.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'm sorry, I don't mean to jump on you, especially today.
I know you are trying to help.
It's taken me a long time to gain enough confidence to understand that I, often, have perfectly good reasons for the actions I take.
Talking to my dad will set me up for more abuse from him and it won't mean anymore financial help. I'm afraid that bridge is now burned. Not that I wanted to ask again anyway.
I don't want to ruin anyone's holiday. I'm sorry for all of this today.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I had a one weak moment in more than 6 months with Smokey. That's ok. I need to let it go. Compared with the volumes I used to text him...well, I lost it for a day or two and yearned for the man I used to know. It's ok. I'm trusting God on this one.
The letters from Smokey's atty arrived just yesterday. A clear effort to ruin our Thanksgiving by Smokey and his atty.
I have one A$$hole of dad...he loves me, but even his best friends don't accuse him of being a warm, fuzzy. I had stepdad who abused the shid outta me and my mom and my siblings. I had nearly 3 decades with Smokey who loved emotional, underhanded, passive-aggressive abuse. I also had the world's most evil in-laws.
This is nothing I can't handle. In fact, so far, they are behaving exactly as I anticipated and it could, actually, be worse.
Little Heather has now climbed to the edge of Niagara Falls and considering a jump. I'm talking her down. God is on my side and so is the truth.
Anyone who can handle being a grad assistant AND pregnant with my first baby AND a MIA husband who didn't want the baby AND still get straight A's...well, I'm glad I'm not Smokey or his atty. I kicked Smokey out when I was 6 months pregnant. He was smoking dope like a dope-smoking chimney at the time.
I'm tougher than I seem.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
