The Black Knight

[job]

As to where your d12 would go if something happened to you, this is something that you will need to discuss with a lawyer at some point. Given your h's history of addiction, the lawyer may very advise you that she could live w/someone else as a "guardian" to oversee her education, etc. Again, this is something that will need to be looked into sometime in the future.

I'm sorry to read about your friend. Cancer is not choosy when it comes to knock at one's door. I've seen a lot of people who were healthy and did everything right and still they were diagnosed with cancer. I do hope your friend can beat it and go on to live a healthy life.

Well, at least the editor made mention that he saw some effort. Accept the acknowledgement and continue to focus on what you need to do to hone your skills on getting this paper out each week. Heather, it's not interested how much hard work you put in the paper...but the final product. The final product is what brings in the cash. I know, it's a harsh reality, but the bottom line is the final product and the $$$ coming in from interested readers.

Now that you have a better understanding of what he's looking for and what you need to do about Page One, I think you can figure out how to work this situation out and I do know that eventually you will get the hang of things and you won't stress like you are doing these days. You are still learning and yes, it's stressful when you've got someone breathing down your back like your perfectionist, but take his comments and suggestions and use them to your advantage to make a great paper.

Tackle one thing at a time and your list won't be so overwhelming.

BTW, how is D20? Is she behaving herself not taking everything out on you?

[LoisB]

D20 is, well, D20. Always a mixed bag of fun and angst. ;-)

Last week, we were driving home from, as you all know, a particularly rough week. Somehow, my dad came up in the conversation. D20 made some flippant remark about him and seeing him and so forth. I think it was about the holidays and going to Ohio.

Anyway, I, honestly, said, I'm not sure my dad and I will weather this last storm. I have worked this out in my mind, 1 million different ways, and I think this lie I told...well, it's been a good illumination into our relationship and how it works...I'm taking responsibility, but looking at the WHY's of the thing too.

So, I made this remark about the reality that my relationship with my dad may not weather this storm.

D20 said, "I'm so sorry mom."

"Is it because of me?"

I said, "You played a part."

I let it go and went on from there. I'm getting better at stating my truth and letting it go without taking on the responsibility of someone else's feelings.

Well, D20 went from perky and fun to sullen and mopey. She moped her way through Walmart and gave me the silent treatment.

D12, who had had a particularly hard day...we had met the counselor I want her to see and confronted her on some risks I want her to take...Well, I asked D12 what "fun" thing she wanted to do?

She said tubing.

At Walmart, I spent $30 on innertubes.

D12 and I blew them up at home.

D20 was still moping.

I dropped by her room and said, "Are you upset because of the comment I made about Grandpa?"

She said, "Yes."

"I said, well, I'm still angry and I won't pretend that I'm not. But, D12 and I are going tubing. It would be great if you could set aside your anger toward me and come with."

She did. She let it go.

Probably called my mother and sister and the President of the U.S...but she came.

We trudged for a mile in 3-4-foot deep snow to get to the (closed) tubing hill in the dark. We brought our choc lab with us. It was so worth it! This tubing hill is awesome and the lab loved, loved, loved it!!

I think she is still planning to head back to school next semester and work. I am certain she hasn't thought this through completely. I reiterated last week that she needs to go to counseling and/or meetings if she intends to remain with us. She assured me that she would be leaving soon...Okay.

I did tell her that I expected her to pay and cook for our Thanksgiving meal. I have no idea how to pay for it right now. I really needed some winter clothing/boots. Bills to pay, etc...

She had offered to cook, but wasn't too thrilled with the food bill.

Last week, she stayed home three days because of the snow. I think she could've made it to work for two of those days.

I kept my mouth shut.

She is driving D12 crazeeeee. She is nit-picking D12 and making sarcastic comments on every little thing D12 is doing...and, because d12 is hiding her grief and fear over this transition in her boy band obsession...she gives D20 plenty to poke fun of. D12 is so sensitive and D20 is so much like her father and loves to instigate...Maybe D20 going to PA isn't such a bad thing???

I'm not convinced it will happen though. I think she has a lot of variables she hasn't thought through very carefully.

The phone hasn't shut off, yet, that I know of. Probably today. That will be fun. I haven't the money to pay it.

I really have no reason to. I could add a landline to the house to keep D12 safe when alone for like 20 bucks, less. D12 doesn't use her phone anyway, because she hates it and hates when her dad texts her. She ignores it.

[LoisB]

D12 has a tablet and uses it to text her friends back home.

[job]

Heather,
I'm glad you didn't sugar coat how you felt w/D20. She had a hand in what transpired between your father and you and she needs to own her part in it. I don't understand why she was mopey and angry when she knows exactly what she did. But, time will tell what she does next when she's angry.

Have you figured out how you are going to move forward with the conversation w/your father? Please do not put it off because you don't know what the future may hold and you may need his support again.

On the other hand, I'm happy that you and the girls went tubing. It was something fun and unexpected and all of you needed this to lighten up a bit.

I do hope that things will settle down so that you can enjoy Thanksgiving. I hope this week will be a better one for you. Keep climbing that mountain because soon you'll reach the top!

[LoisB]

How did I accumulate 6 pages already?

So, yesterday, I get to work and my editor calls me when I'm still in the parking lot with some "bad news." Man did my imagination get to me!

He tells me that I was left off the email list and my newspaper is going to print Monday...mean THAT DAY. Yesterday.

Long story short. I was there until 9 p.m. But, this week's issue is DONE!!!

I was left alone to finish this one and I noticed that there were far fewer mistakes.

Nothing much else is new. Oh! The D20's phone is shutting off.

I'm not sure how to handle this one? D12 still has a phone on this plan.

I have to have a phone for D12. Or, at least a landline. IDK.

I'm sick of money today. Money, money, money...

No news from Smokey. Interestingly, he sent a text to D12 about five minutes after I texted the NC text. He asked her to take a pic of D12 and D20 and our dog in all the snow. He said that she didn't have to text back, just send a pic. He said he was thinking about the two of them a lot and sent his love.

I'm not sure she even read it.

Our first hearing is over the car insurance. What an effin waste of time. I'm thinking of just switching the car insurance over to my own personal insurance. Will need to anyway. That means I need to take care of my NY plates and license though. If I do that, will we even need the insurance hearing?

I got really, really, really REALLY angry yesterday. I think I've been depressed again because I've been stuffing the anger. I'm angry that this dickweed makes everything in my life so GD hard. Even the easy stuff, he makes hard. I express forgiveness and love and he makes it hard.

What a waste of time, energy and money. I hate wasting time, energy and money. HATE IT. Life is too short.

[job]

Yep, you sure did allow your imagination to get the better of you. I'm so glad the paper is printed and out the door for the week. You put in a very long day, but look at it this way, far fewer mistakes because you were able to concentrate w/o interruptions and/or distractions.

Why not go to Walmart, Target or Best Buy or any store and purchase one of those cell phones that you pay as you go? If she doesn't use it all of the time, this might be worth looking into and you can always put more money on the phone for her. It's something to think about.

You might want to also consider having a landline installed because if the electric goes out, at least the landline works if you have a regular phone.

Of course, you are going to get angry. Every time you turn around, he's got something bug up his @ss and is bugging you about it. I think you would be wise to get your car tags and insurance yourself and get everything off his policy. I think that if you get all of this taken care of, you won't need to have a hearing about it. It would be one more time to cut and he'd have no excuse to contact you about it. He may be thinking of trying to get you to pay half the premium if you stay on it or even if your D20 remains on the policy.

There's always an angle when it comes to crisis people. The angle is not to spend any more of their money than necessary, but they have no problem coming up w/ideas or how to spend yours. Don't be surprised if he doesn't come up with other things now that you have a full time job and getting paid.

All of a sudden he wants your D12 to take a photo of her, D20 and the dog playing in the snow? I just shook my head that after all of this time he's now admitting to thinking about them and missing them. I guess it's true...absence does make the heart grow fonder...but I would still keep on my toes w/this man.

Heather, get all of this frustration out now so that you can enjoy the holiday. Do check into the phones that are on the market and their plans. I do think that you can find something that is doable and cheaper for you and your D12. Also, think about getting your own insurance. One less thing for him to have control over when it comes to you and D20. Time to start cutting the ties w/this man and this would be a step in the right direction.

[LoisB]

D20 is on the warpath. Just need to vent.

Her phone is now shut down. :-)

I'm thinking that, for me, a landline is the most inexpensive solution to this problem. It would make a temp solution for D12 being alone. I can call her and she call me in an emergency. She also has her tablet for texting.

But, D20 has been cranking.

This morning, she called Verizon because she wanted "us" to handle this. The bill is now $450 or something outrageous because we are getting charged for two suspended phones.

At lunch, she asked if I would just use her card to put $120 down and I could pay the rest.

Then, I sensed her stand-offishness when I picked her up from work.

We get home and she comes into my room...full of condescension and arrogance..."Mom, how did this become MY problem?"

I replied, "Excuse me?"

"This phone bill, how did it become my problem?"

Me: "Well, you haven't contributed anything for two months now. That's partly how it became your problem."

I tried to explain that I just don't have it help right now. My first priority is getting D12 something in the case of an emergency, but I certainly don't have $400 to give to Verizon.

I told her that I did look into phone card from Walmart and they seem like a reasonable temp solution she could afford with ther $120. I told her she could get unlimited phone and texting.

D20: "But, what about data?"

Me: "What about data?"

D20: "Well, that's what I use the most."

Me: "Well, use your laptop."

Then, she threw out how she has paid for her car repair and been budgeting and paid off her school debt (with the money Grandpa sent) and how she is paying for Thanksgiving dinner.

I said, "That's great, but you still haven't contributed to the expenses HERE. Our rent is $1250. I have a car payment. I've been paying for food. I need to take care of the car insurance."

Then, she asked...ARE YOU BUDGETING?

Then, I lost my temper and told her ...well, go ahead and call Grandpa, Grandma, Auntie and let them know.

But, wait, she can't.

[job]

I am so sorry that this happened today.

We knew her phone was going to shut down soon. I can just imagine what she said and did. I can understand you paying D12's portion of the phone bill, but I do think a landline would be best for her at this time. That's just my two cents and she has a computer and iPad at her disposal.

Doesn't D20 realize that you can only stretch money so far, especially when you are the only one bringing in the money to pay things? I don't blame you, things that aren't necessary at this time need to be curbed until you get back on your feet.

As for data, use the computer. I don't know what kind of plan you had, but texting can become very expensive. If your D20 wants a phone, she'll figure out how to get one. Whenever she's stuck, she figures out a way to get what she wants.

I had to chuckle about her paying for the car repair...she's the one driving the jeep these days isn't she? As for her school debt, she didn't cough up the money for it...her grandfather did, so how did she pay for it out of her pocket? As for Thanksgiving dinner, she's got to eat too, doesn't she? It's not that expensive and you are the one paying the rent, electric water and garbage bills, as well as the other things that they need. Sure she's starting to pay something, but it sure doesn't cover as much as your paycheck has too. It's called being account and learning monetary responsibility.

I though it was priceless when she asked if you are budgeting! OMG! She sounds like your mother and not your daughter. I think she needs to learn to be accountable for her own actions and allow you to worry about yours.

Oh, don't worry, she'll contact someone about her current situation. She always does.

I really do hope you have a nice Thanksgiving. May you have a calm and peaceful day.

[Wonka]

Heather,

The nest time your D20 gets snarky about money issues, just simply tell her, "That is how grown-ups do it in the real world. Money doesn't grow on trees. If you can't handle this, then it would be good for you to consider moving out on your own so you can experience it for yourself without people coming to your rescue every single time."

[job]

Wonka,
I like what you suggested that Heather say to her D20.

Happy Thanksgiving!