Newcomer Living in Hell 2

[labug]

Those were your words. It's very hard to get your full story in an understandable way as you do the walking back thing.

I wish you well.

Happy Thanksgiving.

[bravo61]

Sorry bout that. Didn't mean to leave the NOT out as that most definitely changed the message.

I get to have my kids for the night. Yea!!!

[labug]

Simply put, the comment about treating her horribly for years is kinda muddy. Was I unkind during fights at times, yes.

This is what's confusing. Many times throughout your thread you've written about how terrible your behavior was and now, it seems it wasn't that bad.

It's difficult to understand what exactly is going on because the picture you present keeps changing.

Enjoy your kids.

[bravo61]

I can understand that confusion. Did I while arguing with her call her names? No, never. Did I question her love for me during fights? Yep. She was nagging me in fights(my perspective). I was telling her how she should or shouldn't feel during fights. I felt that I was being attacked when she was asking me to address her needs or even just listen. I had no idea of the differences in which we were both assuming the other thought.

I'm looking at our relationship as she saw it and I can see how it was horrible for her. There are no excuses or even justifications I could offer. The point is is that although I never hit, called her names, or cheated on her the emotional pain I caused is just as real. I didn't tell her how much I appreciated the hard work she did. She worked full time, took care of two kids, was in grad school all while her Dad was sick. And her husband was cloistered up in his man room. I sucked!

That in combination with not being a generally happy person and not being their for her led her to this decision. It has led me to see a lot of things about myself and my behavior I didn't like. I know it would take a long time if ever for her to give me an opportunity to be together again as in, or for her to even forgive me.

But my behavior and who I am is the only thing I can control.

I do miss her so much and I know how great it could be.

[bravo61]

So I just had the divorce papers notarized and sent off. Even though the M was over the second she decided it was that still really hurt. Especially as it seems so few WAW ever come back.

So I booke a hotel for just me and the kids for a couple of days before Christmas so we can explore a resort area we've never been too.

I also got an email from George Kenworthy yesterday that he was praying for me. God I hope and pray that you'll reunite our family someday.

I've decided im going to Tgiving w/them tomorrow. My S pled with me to go. Gonna go & be pleasant and soak up my kids.

My schedule changed & she's gonna wanna talj about how to cover the 5 days she & I r both working. Im gonna leave that in her sandbox. What do y'all think. I told her that I had the option to stay on old schedule & she encouraged me to change. Also this is what she wanted so she can pay for childcare for those days. She also makes twice the money I do. Not to mention that several times in the past months I've taken days off for coverage not her.

[vertex]

What makes you think so few WAW come back?

[bravo61]

It seems from the threads on here that a WAH is more likely than a WAW to come back.

Anybody see any hope for the W and I reuniting after D? Really struggling for hope right now. I am resolved to allow her to put on her BGP. It's gonna be a challenge to let her know it's not punitive and still have the hope in the box & not throw away the key. What's the best way to let her know she's on her own w/out throwing it her face that she wanted this? And I'm sure she's gonna couch everything in terms that it's for the kids. Could really use some encouragement right now!

[bravo61]

She really doesn't seem to care at all and doesn't seem to be struggle with the ending of our R.

[bravo61]

just got back from Thanksgiving with the W,kids, and MIL. we met out a restaurant and had decent time. she sat by me and we laughed and flirted a little. when we spoke, we looked into each others eyes and leaned in close to hear each other. i said the prayer and thanked God for them and for the impt work that she (nurse practioner) and MIL does (teacher) and also prayed that we would be an example to the unsaved friends, acquaintances, and strangers that we met. we held hands during the prayer. i asked her if she wanted D to sit by her and she said "no you can sit by me". funny thing is D always wants to sit by her but i think D is trying to help me.

i was pretty charming told W and MIL that they both looked great and connected with MIL like never before. looked her in the eyes and listened to her. asked her about school and asked questions to show i was listening. W picked out my wine and we shared hers and mine. she talked about the needs for babysitting cause her schedule (sorry honey you are on your own). told her i knew she would figure it out (in a non-snarky supportive way). gave MIL a big hug and told her i hoped to see her before she flew back home and to call if she needed anything and it was great to see her. W gave me a big hug and presented her forehead so i could kiss it. she smiled real big and said that she's see me next week.

as they drove away, i only cried for a couple of minutes. i smiled and was pleasant without being needy or pushy. is there any hope for R after divorce or even a miracle to stop the D?

she did text me at 3a (both working nights) about a doll for D that she found. i did not reply. she brought it up today and i simply said i'd handle it.

i miss her so much. how is it possible for her not to miss me at all? does she have to date someone else to do that? i'm so confused and lost but i don't show her that.

[Little]

i miss her so much. how is it possible for her not to miss me at all?

I wonder this, myself. I don't get how (in my sitch) you can spend 10 years with someone and not be fazed when they're no longer in your life.

I'd give my right arm to have BF tell me he misses me, even in some tiny capacity.