thanks for note. i do feel like a rat coming here to totally "dump" when i notice i'm blue . it seems like i would be heaping on more junk out there in the forum where everyone's suffering already.
but thanks for invite- and i sure do manage, don't I, to speak up. it's the only place i "know" some folks are out there- listening maybe, having some good thoughts & words to offer.
this whole " sufferin" stuff- it sure make you realize how few people really are there when ya need it, help, understanding, etc.
nothing dramatic- just a pat on head and a "we understand" , feel free to come here, etc.
it sure makes all the difference in the universe to hear someone say - it's okay- feel free. so thanks- made my day-
i'm outta here- tons and tons more to do -
not to mention own mess of a house/life, etc.
whew- the "misery years" - saying that makes me have to laugh - at my drama - oh well- fingers cross4ed that they are (almost???) thru??
it's all gotta be over someday - rite????
xxoo have a good day.
you're sure right about our " treasures" being crappola to others. BUT - we've all taken things from mom's , and my n3eices and friends, soooo, i think she's being thought of daily in alot of places - i suppose that's the most one can expect or ask - huh???
she and i drove each otehr nuts alot- but she was a good egg in so many ways- no kidding. i think (hope) the people she helped all remember the good things she did & her kindness. *(and her sense of humour (which was v good back in the day bevfore old age got to her).
you're so nice - to offer help. just thinking you'd be willing to help - helps. then i say to self - buck up man- get this stuff done- it's my "job" in life for the moment so just shut up and do it and get on with it.
ta da.
so - that walk- i'm headed out door- remember world is out there.
I HEAR YA about 2winter coming. i love the fall colors and bright colorfulness of the unniverse. i am in no mood to be cold and blue. something about it being all barren outside - adn feeling chillie allll the time-
eeeek- not thinking about it.
i can't even imagine winter-m uch less holidays. halloween made me cry- can't even imagine what christmas will be like- not gonna think about it.
trying to tell self- no obligations of self- don't think about it- don't streeess about shopping- don't STRESS in life- just be
just want to say have a nice thanksgiving to anyone out there that sees this. I plan to be very busy- hopefully laugh alot with the kids in the family (only ones not crabby - eeek) and enjoy myself by hook or by crook.
thanks to all for being there - i am grateful i found this forum and have been thru alot of awful awful times here and with you all - so thanks for propping me up when needed & listening.
how the heck i would have made it thru - well, to here anyway. i'm not " thru" and i still have no ideas about this all at all. but notr going to even think about "my life" until after christmas. total denial-
xxoo happy thanksgiving all and remember to remember allll the things we have to be grateful for (still breathing for one?!) and etc., there's always plenty if we begin tocount them...
Happy Thanksgiving to you too! I'm glad you are spending the day w/family and not staying at home alone. Yes, we all have something to be thankful for.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
hope your thanksgiving was nice and you're rite- there is always SOMETHING we can trot out to be thankful for- it's a good habit, looking at the good instead of rehashing the old (painful- done to death - wrongs, etc).
it's easy for my mind to roam backward now or then- and i have to jolt self awake and say uh uh - donot go there- why would you want to relive any moment of awful times???
with determination i can yank myself away from unproductive thoughts and DO SOMETHING.
it's wierd - it's "work" sometimes - even now when i am not nearly as ocd about it all as i was. not having to worry about my mom is a mixed thing- maybe worry gets to be a habit-
i'm not saying i miss the worry. i do miss having here there - and knowing it - habitof a lifetime i guess.
oh well- had nice holiday and hope yours was too-
heading up to nj tomorrow morning- should be chillie & hopefully fun.
see neice up there- she's got alot of spirit-
where the heck would we be without kids to remind us what's important and how to laugh (alot) at just about everything??? i'm askin ya...
i think about you all the time - hope yourholiday was good - i've been really busy and "lost in space" here.
it's soo old habit to just get dug in and get busy and keept hat way.
i guess it gets ya by and becomes a lifestyle as well as a way to get self to do chores and what needs to be done.
i'll leave off inspecting everything til another day.
i make myself tired with the thinnkign. just been floating along day to day- playing with the kids - they are soooo crazy and all the usual things needing doing day in and day out.
i do get it why nobody came around when mom was alive and needed company rather badly and me there by self- it is soo nice to get to another town - it all fades into the background and isn't a "worry". i haven't even thought about "it all" since getting here.
i aint saying it's "right" - i'm just sayin i do see it. now, hopefully some day i will not be all grudging about nobody helping out.
they're a wierd bunch- cannot wait til estate is allover and there is no giant "bone of contention" around.
thanksgiving was nice- we cooked - too darn busy for week before to even think - prepare&clean (and play with kids).
all okay with me. have been having okay visit- only got totally pissed off a couple times- no major exchanges- rather amicable all in all.
found a box of old letters & cards & pictures and went strolling down memory lane yesterday - had to stop that- i'lllever it for a few years. too sad
pretty good mood for me all things being considered - so i'll take it.
gu4ess i'll get out of here- i need to be loading car really- just popped in while he's playing tennis- to say hi- no time to go look around much- i need to find your posts- will try later (or when free again).
hope you're hving a good fall/winter? and your son too. so that's me- loading up craft crappola - why? idk- i just do it- the junk transferral process.
xxoo thanks many many times for all your support- you and everyone that have propped me up past bunch of years.
i feel like a different person these days than i was. i can't even flesh it out properly- but i view that as progress tyhat i'm losing the desire to inspect and define- i swear- i don't give a d@mn much these days. i'll take it tho. hope it stays- i'm sick of thinking about this mlc crappola and sick of talking about it and that is that.
just leaves me here awaiting the time when i can face another giant change and then go ahead and change (it all).
we'll see what this year brings huh???? i keep wanting to gonuts and move to some foreign country- for a year. it is rather crazy- but it's a pleasant fantasy for the moment. england? netherlands? idk- just a huge HUGE ADVENTURE.
Hi Nero, Yes, I had a nice Thanksgiving, but Christmas is upon us and came entirely too quickly from the last holiday. LOL!
I'm glad you are coming up the coast and will spend some time w/your niece. Kids have a way of taking our focus off ourselves and seeing the world through their eyes for a short period of time. My niece is 14 and my nephew is 17 so they are growing up and both have different personalities altogether. They are good young adults and are very helpful when asked. We have some fun things lined up for when they are off for the two weeks.
It looks like you might have some good travel days to come up the coast. It's in the 50's here today and I am hoping it will stay that way for a bit. We've had a lot of rain and the ground needs to dry out a bit, but other than that...life is good here and I'm having fun people watching during this holiday season wherever I go.
Travel safely and enjoy the holiday.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey Nero. My Thanksgiving was lovely, thanks. It's only me and my sis left so it's small, but, loving. And my boy was with us, so, that's all I really need.
You know, sometimes you do whatever you need to do in order to get by and that's ok. You just dont want to make it a lifestyle, ya know? Then you arent really living.
I hear ya on the too much thinking. That really doesnt get you very far because things are as they are.
That's great that you feel a relief by going down there in some ways.
I hope and pray the estate thing is over soon. I know that is weighing heavily on you. Families...sometimes they are difficult.
Yea, dont go down memory lane if you arent ready for it, Nero. Thats just asking for trouble. Hopefully, one day you can and remember the good times with love.
You sound good, sweetie. I can see the difference clearly even if you cant. The rawness is gone and you are living your life. Any forward motion is progress in my eyes.
If you go to a foreign country...can I come? I would love a big adventure. LOL!
I know, without a doubt, then when you are ready to change anything, you will.
I am doing ok, thanks. Struggling with some things, trying to work through others.
Thanks for note- i've been sooooo busy constantly- i haven't even remembered the computer. it is just like "work" to me- sitting in front of a screen - which is what one does in an office these days. i just forget it exists when i'm really really busy.
we finished up in fl and headed to nj like 19th - arrived 20th - undecorated halloween decorations and put up some christmas - enough to make it fun (tree , etc) but not the usual all out. too much work for a couple days. cooked, cleaned and cooked christmas day feast - and like you- it's a amll group here now. my cousin & his wife (and two kids) and my nephew wereall late by about an hour- and it was great. my sister, neice, h & I sat down to a quiet and really quite nice dinner- then everyone wantedered in and ate too, visited, it ws really nicer i think than usual- so what the heck??? ya never know, do you.??
soooo- all in all a nice little holiday and notmuch stress or worry- so good for me.
i guess i'm adjusting - i like it when you say you see a difference. some days i do, some not too much- always tho "in general" in the background of my thoughts, feelings, etc.
i guess we all just morph whether we see it or fee it or what - all the time also i guess - so hoping it's all good.
he leaves tomorrow morning- it's a wierd thing - me and this sitch. i have no idea really what i'm doing (REALLY) - I can see the good things he does, i can appreciate good things- problem is that when i see the less than great things- i now don't make excuses and am forced pretty much to see them for what they are (selfish, whatever). it's not global or a problem really- but it's sad-ish to be all clinical and honest with self and so on.
seems shabby sometimes- it's soooo my habit to 'see the good side". ya gotta wonder where the chips will fall.
i honestly don't know- i am pretty tired of not having more love and affection in my life- but then realize who does necessarily and i've still got it alot better than most.
this being reasonable stuff really kind of steadys the boat all the time and maybe that's not so good either.
oh well- no tghinking - it's a policy still. the weather was lovely over christmas and i feel guilty still not wanting snow imemediately- but it makes me go out in the garden and tidy up a bit and that's great.
ta da- who knows, maybe i'll get those four bags of mulch actually spread around instead of piled in the yard!!@!@
hop[pe springs eternal. you sound great- so i'm glad of it- and glad your holiday was nice. hope christmas was too and that the new year is a great one for us all- xxo
