Divorced and moving out.....still hopeful

[sandi2]

Step back. You need space away from her and the tension the family "togetherness" puts on a person in this kind of stitch. Besides, you need to pull back to show her you did not put a label on any of the past few days of interaction. It is time she did some wondering about how you are feeling and thinking.

Oh, when she asks about what you have planned, be ready with some type of nice, but vague answer. Really, it is none of her business and she should not ask. If she wants the kids, she should say so, without being nosy. But wait, she forgot she no longer has that right. Maybe the answer you should give when she ask if you have plans is to say, "If you want the kids, it's no problem".

[NewB3]

Sandi2,
Thanks for confirming and keeping me pointed in the right direction. We had wine with dinner last night. I had asked that while I ran home to get my contribution to dinner, that she save some wine for me from the bottle I brought the night before. It was unopened and she asked if we could have it with dinner. Usually she would ask me to drive, so she could have a glass.....well, not now
She had a glass poured for me when i arrived. one other family member had a glass too. total after dinner was 2.5 glasses for me, 1.5 for other family member, and she has 2. She was looking at me during dinner, and i complimented her dish, making sure to use her name in the compliment. After dinner, she made a quick exit and said nothing to me. I do hope I shook things up with her emotions.

Sandi2 please stick with me through this part....I feel I need someone in the wings with a 2X4 and straight forward advice. I get lost these days, quite easily.


Thanks again

[NewB3]

Tired of having dreams of capital W a W moving on completely while I'm still hanging around. I noticed on social media last night that her marital status or relationship status is gone I had wanted to do mine a few weeks ago and failed to do it I went this morning and fixed it.
This made me think a lot. I began feeling like I should completely lose touch with her and her family for a little while. I need time for myself. My focus I now realize is been all about her even though I'm doing things for myself I making decisions based on her being in my life.
Drop off of my son last night went exactly as I had planned I went in he ran to her gave her a big hug and almost knocked her down they laid on the floor saying I love use and laughing as I walked by.they seem to be having fun I quietly latest things on the chair and was ready to go when I walked back over to her she reminded me of a few things she had found while packing this weekend. I took those items to my car. I then walk straight to my child gave them a kiss on the head and said see you this week he had been talking about lunch yesterday. He was telling her about his dessert.he didn't know what restaurant we had gone to and she could not figure it out so she asked me which restaurant. I kept the conversation brief I try not to make too much I contact with her to show I was busy thinking about doing other things. Not sure if that was the right thing to do. She mentioned that she had traveled an hour away to do some shopping while she was off last week and had lunch at that same restaurant and you started to tell me what she had to eat. She raved about how good it was and I followed with well that sounds nice. I then gave my son a hug and told him again I would see him this week I was out of the house in under 10 minutes. As I'm walking out I'm closing the door behind me and she starts to walk towards me and realizes I'm just leaving. She says goodbye I said goodbye without turning around and she said have a good Night, and I followed it with you too and kept walking.
I feel strange about not contacting her parents after such a nice weekend with the family that I wanted to send them a thank you card. However I think not contacting them might be better. She is constantly over there and hanging around and chatting with them these days which is good. However if I don't come up in conversation for a while I think that would be best.

[NewB3]

Very down tonight. Feeling emotionally beat down and lonely.

[NewB3]

does this get easier? I am holding out on any contact....period. I feel like I am holding my breathe. Very depressed and down. This is misery. I want to at least know what my next few steps are.or should be.

[NewB3]

Bought Christmas cards today. Trying to keep my mood up by sharing some cheer. Now I wonder if I should send her or her family a Christmas card? I feel maybe sending her one would be polite, but I keep second guessing myself. Remember, she gave me nothing from her all year. No cards, no gifts, nothing since last Christmas. We lived together, shared a bed, and I might have gotten a few I love you's, hugs, and kisses on the cheek, but NOTHING else. As 2014 ends....I feel more and more depressed. I need some support/advice/pep talks/honest advice here

[NewB3]

I have not been available to her.
I have taken my time with my kids. Played at the parks, had people over for a holiday party, and devoted more time to me, my new home, and my kids. I have been treating her like a neighbor, and not a friend when I have to talk to her in person or on phone.
My C says not to treat her like a neighbor. Maybe she is lonely, missing me.....maybe not, but C feels I need to be friendly and let her come to me. Being friendly may make her feelings come back to what they were when we met. I am the same guy, life just got in our way.

Two weeks ago, Sunday, out of the blue, she calls and asks if I want to go to lunch with her and S3.5. I had my S11 and told her let me see if he was interested and I would text her back. 15 min. Later I agreed to go. S3.5 was not behaving, so she had to cancel. I let it go and never mentioned it.
Following weekend, she moved to her new home. I, again, have not reached out in any way. Sunday she called and asked to come get him at end of day. Said she wants to intro him to his place, instead of me dropping him off at new place. However, I am welcome, just felt he would handle it better.
S3.5 had gotten sick, my day to get him for the week. So, I left work and picked him up at her new home. I was polite, but let him show me things as he wanted. She was chatty, I was nice. We then got to her bedroom door. She said it was her room and asked if I wanted to see it, I said sure. Showed me the room and bath...chatty. I complimented something in the bathroom. She called last night to check on him and when getting off the phone, I went from parent to friend mode. Wishing her a good night and stay warm.
Today she called. S3.5 with me, still sick. She thanks me for taking off and taking care. He chats with her and then says I love you...hands me the phone and says, say I love you dad. I hesitated, but then said it. She paused and said to him, okay, feel better, love you too.
Still looking for sandi2 to give more female perspective.

I guess I am doing okay with her. Trying to apply Corey Wayne's stuff as it applies too. This will take some time, I have plenty of that. I need and want her in my life, romantically. We will see.

[NewB3]

Staying positive this holiday season. Wishing for the impossible, hoping for some miracles, and moving forward. Lonely times ahead......reality

[NewB3]

Starting to overthink things again. Late night, bedtime thoughts. I must relax and sleep.
Am I doing the right things? My last few posts are, after re-reading, kind of lost and grasping. I am starting to doubt my advices. I know I have to give it time....this has been the worst year of my life.
Anyone?

[Mozza]

It seems to be very tough on you, even after all these months. Then again, your W moved out only a couple of months ago, and in many ways, it's the real start of the S. You still have tons of contact with her and it makes detachment so much harder. As you probably know, that's your goal. You need to be in a place where you still love her, but you're not controlled by what she does or says. It's not just to be happier, but also to be more attractive. What will you do to make it happen?