You never know, you might be pleasantly surprised. STBX thought of this stuff all on his own and purchased toothbrushes, hairbrushes, detangling spray, pajamas and appropriately sized underwear without me having to say it.
You might let D12 make the decision about the hairbrush.
You never know, you might be pleasantly surprised. STBX thought of this stuff all on his own and purchased toothbrushes, hairbrushes, detangling spray, pajamas and appropriately sized underwear without me having to say it.
You might let D12 make the decision about the hairbrush.
Raliced, it's more than the hairbrush, it's everything you mentioned and more. I sat down and made a list with D12 a couple of weeks ago, told H she had the list, then asked him again last weekend. I just shouldn't have brought it up a third time today. I guess he'll figure it out when it's bedtime and the kid can't brush her teeth. We shall see what happens. I guess it won't kill her either way.
H and I exchanged a couple emails about the schedule for the upcoming weekend and for Thanksgiving. Tomorrow is the first day D12 will spend the night at his new place. I asked him if he had gotten a list of things that he and I had talked about previously to make D12's life easier - toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, etc. I shouldn't have brought it up again, but I did. And he hasn't done anything about it. So now I'm in the position of either 1) sending her without a hairbrush (etc.), knowing that she needs one; 2) buying her one to take over there, or 3) sending the one from home and hope I get it back. My belief is that the chances he will take care of it are slim to none, considering he's flying in tomorrow morning, and I know what he has on his calendar the rest of the day. I should have kept my mouth shut and let him deal with it.
Let him stand on his own 2 feet.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
From the male perspective: What you are doing is belittling him, meddling in their relationship and being overbearing. Maybe even being controlling. He will either take care of it or fall on his face. His choice.
In my case, I did it differently, but that does not mean it was wrong.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
What you are doing is belittling him, meddling in their relationship and being overbearing. Maybe even being controlling. He will either take care of it or fall on his face. His choice.
Got it. That's why I said I shouldn't have brought it up a third time. This is her first weekend there and I am nervous about it.
I've been in a similar situation. .. and lately I've been trying to remember that the way I learned most of the things that make me a decent mom is by screwing them up once or twice. So, now that my H is spending much more solo time with our D (like i did when I was a SAHM), he will probably make a lot of mistakes too. It's ok. Nobody is dying from forgetting to brush their teeth one time.
Let him make his own mistakes and learn from them on his own.
Thank you Claire. I've been doing this with/for my kids for nearly 20 years, it's hard to give up. If it had been about the house I'd have mentioned it once and then let the house fall down before I said it again. my kids are where the controlling RPP surfaces. At least I have you guys to point that out now.
So today is the day. The first day D12 spends time with H at his new place. We have basketball practice and then he picks her up after lunch. D16 is not going but her bf is in town so I don't expect to see her much.
I have a haircut appointment and a long list of errands and house stuff. Not exciting but it will keep me busy. Maybe tomorrow I will try to do something indulgent for me.
Apparently H and I are both really good at going dark. Neither of us has made any contact outside a few calendar related emails. No calls, no texts, nothing personal. Right now I'm not trying to figure out what that means, even for myself. I'm just sitting with it.
Guess that's a thing of the past.