My MLC Zombie Apocalypse Part II

[CaliGuy]

You saying I am wise reminds me of a funny story. I had a meetup with a few of the people from here. We met for lunch. So, in I walk. I have been known to use colorful language at times. I am from Brooklyn after all. So, I notice one of the woman looking at me kinda strange. I asked what was wrong. She said, "Ok, you look and sound nothing like what I pictured." I asked what that was. She said, "I pictured you as this quiet, little old lady." LOL!

I am a lot of things...a quiet, little old lady is not one of them.

And no comment from the peanut gallery, Mach and T2.

LOL I remember that UR! So sorry! I know better now! Sorry to hijack your thread Cali, but couldn't stop laughing at that memory! Caliguy, you could not ask for better life guides than UR, T2 and Mach, honestly. Believe me, when UR tells you that she is pushing you because she sees you willing to do the work and trying to figure it all out, she will push you thru to the other side. Best of luck to you.

I do realize I am truly blessed, they all have their own way of smacking me .. but then explain it and it makes sense .. it really does, I mean after I was like "How dare she leave ME" ... then I realize big picture, and this is about me, thats all I can control, its my break from that crazy life to get myself straight ... the lessons started making sense ... and I am willing to do the work, I mean have you seen my amazing friggin toolbox?

[uRworthy]

Rosa, it was funny, wasnt it?

And some rep I have on here. LOL!

[CaliGuy]

Caliguy, you could not ask for better life guides than UR, T2 and Mach, honestly. Believe me, when UR tells you that she is pushing you because she sees you willing to do the work and trying to figure it all out, she will push you thru to the other side. Best of luck to you.

Yeah, all the way to the Great Wall of China!!

I have this visual of my being the cat that is being forced into the bathtub .... lol

[uRworthy]

I dont know what they mean, Cal. Ok, well, I have been known to not give up on someone. And that sometimes involves me, maybe, being, um, kinda persistent. LOL!

But I promise my 2 x 4s really are fur coated. And there is coffee and bacon and ice cream on the other side. Ok, the ice cream I added in because I am not bacon and coffee crazed like some of my friends on here. But, you get the idea.

So, you in?

[AJM]

Coffee, bacon and ice-cream. Mmmmmm

Nice to see the humor, Cali. Very nice. Haven't seen that with you in a while.

If you get an opportunity, re-read UR's posts about detachment. It's worth it.

I was living my life 2 weeks ago, hind sight 20-20 and all ... that was when I told her I had plans and guess who got pulled in? Yup .. the cycle .. I see it now, so now I just need to be more aware and get off the track when the train is comin.

Quick bit of perspective. Just because she left, doesn't mean she is immune from the same requirements to let go. Nor does it mean she will let go willingly. Not that it's a healthy way of holding on. Unless and until you BOTH figure out how to let go, there will be nothing healthy about the interactions you may have. You can bet on that even if you feel she has more work to do than you do (not judging - just pointing out how you may or may not feel and how you need to work on you and let her do her own thing).

If it helps - my ex left the first time on Mother's day. Took the furniture etc. but left the kids and the pets. Why? I dunno. It could have very well been a lonely, depressing time. The kids and I made dinner and ate where the table used to be. We laugh about that. It was like camping in the house My point is that yeah, there is all kinds of messed up things they may do. At least you may feel that way at the time and it may be that they meant it that way. But as T2 mentioned, there comes a point where they are no longer in your way of living your life. You have the opportunity to make new memories and new traditions as the holidays come. Don't let that time pass you by, Cali. No matter what you choose to do, I'm sure it will be a good time and you'll enjoy the company

AJ

[CaliGuy]

I dont know what they mean, Cal. Ok, well, I have been known to not give up on someone. And that sometimes involves me, maybe, being, um, kinda persistent. LOL!

But I promise my 2 x 4s really are fur coated. And there is coffee and bacon and ice cream on the other side. Ok, the ice cream I added in because I am not bacon and coffee crazed like some of my friends on here. But, you get the idea.

So, you in?

You had me at Bacon ... not sure what you said after that.

[TSquared2]

So did you get to that little lists exercise from Shining's thread?

[CaliGuy]

AJ

Yeah ... Its a cycle I think with her and I. we were so ... what ... together that we can read each other without words, not fair when you are trying to have your poker face on ... and thats what I had. I was bluffing letting go .. but terrified to do so. Once I start, she knows there is no bluff so she plays her hand and I get sucked back in ... this cycle seems to have repeated 4-5 times before I was enlightened by the wonderful people here ... I just chalked it up as part of my "dance"
As fat as Thanksgiving goes ... I will be good, and yeah S and I will have some sort of new tradition for the Holidays .. I am not dreading it as much ... guess its just acceptance that came along with the mind set of letting her go.


So ... Little Update ... its been quiet. Yesterday she TM me about the Health Ins ... more hot button issues. She is obsessed with getting her affairs in order, wants to drop me from the ins, all this. So I am not eligable to get on my companys ins till June .... Thought about just going VA if need be till then, but her ins is cheaper/better honestly ... and my IC is on her ins ... I have not gone in a month or so ... just feel she has walked me as far as she can ... might need to find someone new for the new issues... I have been debating this.
So anyways ... she tells me the amount .. what I need to pay .. I reply with an "Ok" ... this stuff could wait till we discuss all the finances Saturday. Then she TM later in the day that I need to remind S that he must make his bed and do his homework with her tonight ..... Ummm ... I do not feel its my job here, he is with her, not sure why she can not be a parent here. So I let that TM go ... then she TM "Are you not talking to me on purpose? Its about our son" I replied with "I'll talk to him"
She shows up to pick up S, I was PMA, walked them out .. told S to do his homework and make his bed .... kid is always happy go lucky with me, and off they go.
I went to my RCIA class ... I was a bit out of sorts last night .. not sure .. but I did socialize .. baby steps for me, meeting new people and trying to fit in. W TM and calls me .. asks me to call ASAP .. was just as the class finished up .. so I call .. S has something in his eye, is upset .. so I listen to them struggle on the phone for about 10 minutes ... I was upset I was not there, like not allowed to be there ... this whole thing I did not ask for and all that. So he is finally better, I say goodnight ..... W TM me that its all in his head and he had nothing in his eye, I just replied with "Glad he is better, Goodnight" .... she replied "Fine" .. I TM "You handled him very well" and received a "No you don't care. Forget it"

I let it go ... no need to fight or argue.

I did receive a letter from BIL who is in prison ... was a nice letter. He does talk about W and her family some, telling me their issues of not communicating, and dealing with the pride and stubbornness that results in all their relationships being difficult .... things I know .. but was nice to hear him admit faults ... he has alot of time to look in the mirror .. .most the letter deals with spirituality and faith, he and I never had much of a relationship (180 .. probably for us both) ... I do enjoy discussing things with him now, in a way I feel keeping contact with him helps him.

[CaliGuy]

So did you get to that little lists exercise from Shining's thread?

That list of 20?

I did ... and made me realize I lost a BIG one off that list ...I printed it out.
It was not as easy as I thought it should have been. after .. 8 or so I stalled hard. But I did finish it. I also gave a good deal of thought about who I was younger ... I was much more care-free to be honest ... and then a memory flooded me.

Was shortly after our S was born ... my father (passed about 2 years ago and I do think thats what sparked W MLC) ... and my mother surprised us for Christmas ... they just showed up out of the blue ... anyways I was playing with the dogs in the back yard and they were inside the house just watching me. My father says to my mother ... "Ya know, I always loved that side of Cali that refused to grow up" ..... I realize that part of me kinda dies with my father, I am focused on getting that part of me back, it was where I drew all my energy from.

[TSquared2]

so I listen to them struggle on the phone for about 10 minutes ... I was upset I was not there, like not allowed to be there ... this whole thing I did not ask for and all that.

Watch those thoughts buddy ^^^^....they do affect us and how we interact...

I just replied with "Glad he is better, Goodnight" .... she replied "Fine" .. I TM "You handled him very well" and received a "No you don't care. Forget it"

Maybe a suggestion here...me being Mr. Spock and all, I can be terse texting, which doesn't work for my stbxw, at all. And since we are in the D process, I want to make sure she doesn't get triggered and change her mind about keeping it amicable...So I started using " :)" at the end of TM's.

That silly smiley thingy has helped HER not make assumptions about what I might be thinking, feeling, etc. It has made a nice difference.