Maybell XXI

[Wonka]

Maybell,

Is it true?

Is it grieving?

Is it some other emotion that is unexplored?

Are your reactions based on some imagined thoughts?

[claire7]

Maybell,

I'd say probably. At least that's what I think I've been feeling. So maybe I'm just projecting. Who knows.

But I haven't cried in a couple of days after a couple of really awful days. So, there's that.

Hang in there. The only way through this is through it.

[rd500]

Have to agree with Claire. Only way through it is through it Not great

[labug]

Vets... I know, let go. But he seems awfully committed to being apart. It feels final. Am I going through a new stage of grieving?

I'm not sure I understand the question.

or

What did I miss?

[Maybell]

I want someone to pull out the their crystal ball and tell me this isn't permanent.

I'm ok now. Too much contact lately.

[Elsa]

I'm glad you're feeling better.

This is an observation, not a 2x4, but I've noticed that lately you seem to be pulling back from your H and focusing on yourself There is nothing wrong with that, but I wonder if your H isn't sure where to go next and is letting things work out on your timeframe? (Or at least what he thinks is your timeframe.) Or maybe he's feeling too vulnerable to take risks?*

I'm not sure what you could do differently, but maybe you can at least change the narrative in your head.

*I had a big aha moment a few weeks ago when I realized that there is a lot my H would do if I asked, but if I don't ask he's probably not going to take the risk without my prompting because there's a chance he could get hurt, and why subject himself to that when he doesn't even know if it's something I need? I do the same thing too.

[KGirl]

For me, at least, I find myself in some sort of grieving mode/stage/whatever you want to call it whenever something happens that makes things feel a little more final. It's sad but it also pushes me a little more to accepting this reality. For example, when I got the text from H that he was ready to move forward with filing, the heavy sadness started all over again (that can't sleep, uninterested in eating, can't go anywhere without feeling teary type of grief). But, it passed much more quickly than when it's happened the other times, so if you find you're bouncing back more quickly and easily, I'd call that a good thing

[Maybell]

We've been communicating a TON about the kids. Everything is mutually supportive and agreeable and friendly. We've been much more on the same page in the last few weeks than we were before he moved out. He seems to see the kids more clearly and to see what I've been trying to work on with them. he sees my concerns and seems to value my opinions a little more.

And he's been almost excited for me about the job. He seems really comfortable in this distant-but-friendly place. For me, it's excruciating. I feel like it's so easy for us to get along. We agree so readily. He smiles at me and I smile at him. It makes me miss him so much. It's like a tease.

If we had done this well together before the OW there wouldn't have been an OW and we would be the couple right now that I mostly thought we were, and that other people tell me they thought we were. So why can't we just step things up and be in love and happy?

Oh, right, because he knows from the OW what passion really is and that's what he wants from his life and I can't give that to him because I'm just a humdrum boring old middle-aged housewife and worn-out mom of three noisy kids.

I'm happy in every other area of my life. Truly. But that part, I'm really struggling with. I feel not terribly bright.

[claire7]

Don't go there, Maybell. Look at the positives, ok? And think of what 25years always says about the need for them to see consistent change over time.

Be ok with this plateau. Sometimes a plateau is a good thing... sometimes you (or a WAH) need(s) to feel really really ok with the status quo before it feels safe enough to take a new leap.

You've done such an amazing job focusing on you. Keep your eyes on the prize (which is you).

((hugs))

[Maybell]

Thanks. I come here with my lows because there's always someone with the exact right words I need to hear to keep me moving forward. I'my sorry if I seem needy. I think I've gotten to a bit of a mucky place that's deeper and harder and I'm not sure where I am or what to do with the goo. Getting the job was a BIG hurdle -- words can't describe how huge -- and I feel a bit of, "ok... What do I do now that I've gotten past that obstacle? The view is too new for me to have my bearings." Also yesterday and tonight were Scout nights which means I had zero quality time with my kiddos and I'm feeling some pain about that.

Also, the kids are in bed and I'm avoiding my evening routine because I'm tired.

Thanks for having the right words, Claire!