This will feel weird for a while. I've been separated for three months and the "normal" interactions that STBX and I have about homework assignments, etc., always throw me off balance because there's such a gaping cognitive dissonance between the tone of these interactions and the tone of the overall situation. I'm sure it gets better.
I'm sure it will. H probably doesn't think it's weird at all. It's just that in my head I was thinking, oh, it will be at least a few days before I really have to talk to him again. And then he texts me about something he could have asked D16. And he probably did, and she blew him off.
I waited 15 minutes and then answered his question about the appointment. He didn't respond after that.
It's going to be awkward for more than a week. Always look for the best in each interaction. Be careful about reading tone, inflection or intent into TM. TM is a double edged sword. To me it helps with detaching, but it also leaves me wondering about emotion and tone.
It does not matter how little or how much he is taking. Your house is going to seem empty. My thoughtless MIL dropped my boys off on moving day 2 hours before I got home. S10 and S13 were there alone for 2 hours. When I got home they were wandering around the house with blank stares talking about how empty the house was. It took some time to make them realize very little was missing and it was still our home.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Thanks rpp. It killed me to find them like that, but it turned into a very powerful bonding moment for us, and has sort of been a springboard to a new, stronger relationship.
Expect the worst. The sound of an empty room because pictures have been removed from the walls makes it seem emptier than it really is.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
So.....a new chapter begins. Yesterday afternoon I had the misfortune for H to still be at home when I stopped by before the basketball game. He said how hard he had been working moving things. (Poor baby.) He left the house and D16 refused to come out of her room to talk to him. I felt a little teary at that point, but didn't actually cry.
We got to the basketball game at the same time, and ended up sitting together. He was obviously squirming in discomfort with a tight back muscle, and asked me if I had put a hex on him. I said, no, not yet, I was saving that for later.
After the game, we said a brief goodbye in the parking lot, and then had no contact the rest of the evening or this morning.
BUT, the girls and I went out to dinner at a place we've never been, and then went shopping around the mall a bit. D16 and I each added a piercing to our ear (3rd for each), and I bought D12 some earrings. We went home, and D12 wanted to make milkshakes, so she made us all shakes and we watched the end of the Heat game on tv. They both told me what a nice evening they'd had. That was the goal.
H left odds and ends on his dresser and on his sink/counter (which is in a different area than mine). I put all his stuff away in a drawer so he can collect it later if he wants it, and put some decorative items in each place. I think it looks nice. I have quite a few little house projects in mind, nothing major, just making things the way I want them.
H picked up D12 for school today, I am happy he's still willing to take her. It's good for her and good for me. He will take her tomorrow also, then leaves to go out of town. We have already talked about what time he will pick up D12 when he gets back on Saturday, and there's no reason for us to be in contact. So.......wish me luck, folks. Going dark will be hard for me.
I'm just going to put this out there...don't be afraid to feel ALL your feelings around this. Sometimes there's a bit of relief in there that we don't think we "should" feel, so we deny it.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
labug is right. I felt pretty guilty about feeling relieved that my W had finally moved. It's even ok to pat yourself on the back for making it as far as you have!
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
I'm just going to put this out there...don't be afraid to feel ALL your feelings around this. Sometimes there's a bit of relief in there that we don't think we "should" feel, so we deny it.
I don't know what I feel right now. H has always traveled a lot on business, so being at home with just me and the kids is not new. But not talking to him is new. We have always said goodnight and good morning to each other, filled each other in on things. Going to bed last night without hearing from him was different. I don't necessarily feel negative about it, but it was different. And as the days of no contact stretch on, I don't know what feelings might come up.
Right now there's no sense of relief. There's no sadness. There's no particular happiness, although I had a good time with my girls last night, it wasn't happiness that H had left. There's a sense of walking through a door, although that's not fully formed yet. I've tried to wrap my head around three girls living in a house where just a few months ago three girls and two guys lived. I've tried to wrap my head around being a "single mom". I'm not really there yet on either of those.
So, for today, I'm just sitting with almost no emotion. I'm sure it will come, and I'm prepared to feel whatever it turns out to be.
It's even ok to pat yourself on the back for making it as far as you have!
You know, bdub, I am in fact happy with the way I handled moving day. I sat with H at the basketball game and made small talk, gave him an appropriate goodbye in the parking lot. I'm proud that I created a happy memory for my girls on what could have been an emotional evening at home.
Right now I'm trying to look at the S as a gift of time to figure out what I want. Because if he said next week he wanted to move back in, I'd probably say yes. And that would be a mistake. I'm not strong enough, not sure enough of myself yet. I'd go back to getting trampled all over, which wouldn't make either of us happy, and my would girls see it, too. Not what I want for them, and they are my primary concern right now.
