Not Confused...Insane in the Membrane

[BRNR]

So, I am having a little bit of a down day...I guess simply put. My patience is running really thin with the stbx.

All the court orders in the world and he can't comply with any of them, meanwhile I feel like I am a hostage (not to him perse, but to our old life as finacially I can't change anything until we go through settlement). And he is in arrears for $13,000 and won't pay. While I am not surprised, I just wish I had that money to be able to take care of me and my boys....especially when he adds to my responsibilities physically by not getting our kids on his parenting schedule either (more money goes out the window that I don't have also).

We are going through the divorce stuff and all he wants to do is take, take, take...which is not being granted by the courts (thankfully!). But what he is suppose to give is very much needed.

But now I am struggling to make ends meet, and with no way out as he won't comply and the courts don't do anything to enforce anything.

I guess I am just feeling worn down and I know this is exactly what stbx wants.

On another note, I have had very fleeting moments of missing the old man he was..and I hate to say that I am saddened that he turned out to be such a deadbeat and low-life.

I guess I just needed to vent...I vaguely remember GolfMom going through some of this and wish she was still on here to give me some advice and/or support.

I guess I am having a moment...where I am struggling to remember that all my efforts have been the right thing to do and will lead me out of this "whole and clean." I guess just after two years and the bills surmounting and wanting an end this journey has just me wondering what I can do and where do I go from here?

I can't change my ex, but I can change me...I just don't know what I can do or am just so worn down that all I have done has gotten me NO where...

When does it get better, when does all this end? And two years later, sitting quietly and patiently hasn't given me answers I believe...if anything it has excaserbated the sitch to all new levels of low-down ruthless tactics by the ex and him thumbing his nose up at the courts. And let me not start on his attorney who will process all kinds of paperwork to get an order against me but not push her client to comply with his court orders. Sounds very idiotic to me.

Guess I am having a stressful day...thanks for reading if you have.

Sincerley - "Worn Out BRNR"

-Oh, and on another note I heard that a family friend had something really bad happen to her and I guess I can feel her hurt, pain, and fear her future struggles. This is probably wearing me down some too as her and her family are the best people I know and I can't believe what is happening!

[job]

I'm sorry things aren't getting any better, but the mlcer feels entitled and will take and take and take w/o giving in return. They are selfish individuals while in crisis. Is there any way to garnish his wages or thinking ahead, his tax return, if he gets one?

Your lawyer should be able to come up w/an idea or two on how to get you some monetary relief.

It gets better once the dust settles after the divorce. It took me about 6 months to land firmly back on solid ground after the divorce and yes, my xh to this day, stills asks for things that were not addressed during the negotiations or in the decree. My answer has remained a firm no on all requests. After all, next month it will be 15 years when he walked out...surely he could afford to purchase some of the things he's requested by now. LOL!

Hang in there. It will get better in time, but you've got to go through this ring of fire to get to the other side.

[NLW]

BRNR,
Just wanted to add my sympathy for your situation.
I know what you are going through and I understand how low this sort of stuff makes you feel.

It's so unfair; there seems to be little that you can do to stop the selfish ways of the mlc-er.
They just don't care about anyone apart from themselves.

I don't want to hijack your thread, so won't give specifics here, but I'll post about similar things my X is doing after 3 &1/2 yrs... I feel like it never stops with these guys.

Maybe we need to read some more Pema?

Best NLW

[whytry]

Sorry to hear BRNR. It is hard burdening the costs and you're not alone. The lack of help is so unlike the people they used to be when family and kids were their life but like job said they only think about what they want. Keep your chin up and trust God's plan. It's hard I know but I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[BRNR]

Thanks everyone for your comments and support.

Job-garnishments are put in place, but every time they start he quits his job. As far as his taxes, well, he hasn't filed 2013's yet, so I imagine he is going to avoid the tax man too!

I am going to see my attorney today to see if we can find a solution, but like I said $13,000 is a lot of money that I need and paying an attorney is getting costly too. I know others have been there and I am not special, but I guess I am just feeling the pressures right now is all.

NLW & whytry- Thank you for your support. It helps to have a "friend" who has been there and won't judge.

NLW-I will look up your threads.

Job, in your opinion, have you seen these sitches right themselves after the MLC'er settles, irregardless of the saved marriage? I mean do deadbeats turn around and support their kids at least at some point (financially, emotionally, and physically)?

[LoisB]

Hi B,

I just wanted to lend my support. I have one of those deadbeat
MLC-ers too and the burden of the financial stuff is so straining. I completely relate, especially with the holidays coming.

This too shall pass.

Hang in...lots of hugs to you,

Heather

[job]

BRNR,
To answer your question as honestly as I can. I have seen very few that will right themselves once the mlcer settles down. That is not to say that once they wake up, that they won't try to make amends. It all depends on the mlcer, whether he/she resolves their issues and where the family is at the time the mlcer wakes up. The family may have moved on, cut their losses and do not want to have much, if anything to do w/the lost soul who has come knocking at the door years later.

Time will tell what your mlcer will do, but right now, there has to be a way to get some financial support from him.

[BRNR]

Thanks Lois and Job...

I reflected on my own question over the weekend...thanks Job for the honesty. I think I kinda already knew in my heart the answer. Honestly it is something I have struggled with...the knowledge of a darn good father going out the window along with my marriage. STB-ex is holding onto the kids by a thin strand, but it is ready to snap as his lies are coming full circle.

As far as financial support, I am trying, but he is running from this obligation to stick it to me. It's "HIS" money Job, and always has been his answer since he left. He even went so far as to spend his entire retirement account before an order could be put in to prevent it. Now he refuses to give an accounting of that as per COURT order. Whatever the law says, he snubs his nose at. It doesn't matter...

[job]

Would you like for me to contact GolfMom and see if she'll review your situation for you since both of you have similar experiences w/your spouses and finances?

[BRNR]

Thanks Job. No need to Contact Golfmom...if she is/was going through what I am, then I know how frustrating and stressful that sitch can be alone. And if Golfmom is still going through it, and you do talk to her at some point, tell her that I am thinking about her and her kids and will be sending prayers her way.

BRNR