I know you're right. Just hard to see it from here sometimes.
Well, wife called a few times this morning wanting to discuss what sounded to me like future strategy. We have let the insurance lapse on the cars a couple of months back while we climb out of this income hole I got us into. Anyhow, she wants to take her next paycheck and get the "cars" and house insurance back up to snuff and take care of some other things with my truck.
So totally confused at this point but I'll take it for now.
Thing is .. you can not do much about it right? Like Hope said .. big picture this thing. Plant now for the harvest later .. I know you have heard the scripture on this .. we reap what we sow. Plant that field, do not get caught up in thinking the worst .... I know its hard .. trust me .. I have a MLC who has/had (who knows at this point) an OM.... as we were having a serious talk her phone vibrates and it set me off, she showed me it was an alert for a sale at Nordstroms .. I had to laugh at myself.
You have a good resource here .. Hope seems to be mentoring you .. you are blessed in so many ways ... sail the ship, its a long journey but I have faith you will get there, Remember .. when in doubt .. Give it to Him.
"as we were having a serious talk her phone vibrates and it set me off, she showed me it was an alert for a sale at Nordstroms"
Priceless!
I am blessed. Thank you for pointing that out.
I just did my 3rd step prayer with my sponsor at lunch, starting my 4th step tonight. It's all about giving it to him, at this point.
Thank you, CG.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Sorry you are going through this hell. It totally [censored]. My prayers are with you.
I did all the things you are doing here: filling my wife's love bucket, being super nice, trying to change myself.
It didn't work. Not while she was having an affair. My pursuing behavior turned her off.
This is pursuing behavior. It goes against Divorce-Busting 101 and basic male/female dynamics. You are pursuing her WHILE she's having an affair. Consider that you are enabling your wife to cake-eat (benefit from having a loving, supporting husband AND another lover). You are acting like her plan B. Why should she choose? She isn't afraid of losing your love or having her little apple cart upset by you. You're the nice guy giving her what she wants. It's also true what women aren't attracted to men they don't respect.
I've thought about this too, DBing vs being the "supportive nice guy" on mine and Jefe's cases. I think the difference is that Hope seems to somewhat of a mind reader and I think her guidance navigating the female psyche is much more precise path than the general road-map DB provides.
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
What you said above is exactly what I've been trying to convey to a few new guys here, jim and mozza.
It's hard walking that fine line between being assertive and not being a d*ck, especially when WAW's previous complaints might have been along the lines that they were not "supportive".
However, NOW is not the time to bend over backwards "supporting" WAW's antics. Validate, sure. Be kind and cooperative, be polite.
But being "nice" and avoiding angering them will not "win them back".
Thanks for posting that ^^^.
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
I especially appreciated Hope's advice of being empathic, first and foremost. Is it nice? Yes. Do women appreciate that? Yes. Does it avoid anger and diffuse it? Yes. Is it love? Yes. :-)
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
Btw Jefe - Those jerks pursuing your wife are in it for their own lusts and selfish motivations. They have no clue how to show the love you have proven you are capable of.
Last edited by FunDad; 11/03/1411:17 PM. Reason: can't spell
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
I am a woman too... and while filling her love bucket and all is well and good, if she is actively involved with OM, you do NOT want to be her fallback Mr. Nice Guy.
She will use this to further her own agenda.
I'm not saying to be a jerk, just find out where to draw the line that shows her you will not be disrespected.
Women appreciate a strong, assertive man with a heart of gold. But we do not respect men that let us get away with things we know they shouldn't.
I think being romantic and making her the centerpiece of your life IS exactly what we want. However, if we are involved with OM, this is not what we are wanting FROM YOU at that time.
We need to respect you before we can feel romantic with you.
I hope that makes sense.
Just my .02.
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Could've fooled me there....