rppfl, I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad to hear that you are experiencing true detachment, based on the end of your last post. I felt the same way after my H broke the news to our D14 (although he still won't admit affair to her). There is an emptiness. And a bit of shock on my part that it was really happening. Watch out for the tidal wave of emotions that might be following in the wake of this event. I know you will take good care of the kids as they process their emotions.
We all snap at some point, so don't get too down on yourself about that. At this point, I'm not sure if it even makes a difference, although of course we have the regret after. Just let it go and be compassionate with yourself. You are dealing with a lot. We are here for you.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Thanks, guys. One thing I did right was tell H afterwards that he did a good job sticking to the script we had agreed upon and staying calm. I told him I knew it must have been hard to tell them. And I meant all of that.
If my D12 hadn't been in the room, I wouldn't have regretted the unkind thing I said. It is true. I just shouldn't have done it in front of her.
I know that my detachment may snap back the other way tomorrow. I've been at this long enough to realize how the circle plays out. But I'm good for today.
Today is All Saints Sunday, and at church we were asked to write the name of saints in our lives and put it in a basket to be lifted up at Eucharist. I wrote down some of you by name, but I'm grateful for all of you.
I am so happy that you were able to do this in your way. I hope you can feel proud of how you handled everything, including your expression of frustration.
I think your H married out of his league.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Great job, RPP. That is a difficult conversation and it sounds like you handled it with grace and class.
I agree with Labug. Your h out punted his coverage. Hope you have a wonderful day:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thanks, guys. One thing I did right was tell H afterwards that he did a good job sticking to the script we had agreed upon and staying calm. I told him I knew it must have been hard to tell them. And I meant all of that.
If my D12 hadn't been in the room, I wouldn't have regretted the unkind thing I said. It is true. I just shouldn't have done it in front of her.
I know that my detachment may snap back the other way tomorrow. I've been at this long enough to realize how the circle plays out. But I'm good for today.
Today is All Saints Sunday, and at church we were asked to write the name of saints in our lives and put it in a basket to be lifted up at Eucharist. I wrote down some of you by name, but I'm grateful for all of you.
1. Good job rpp 2. Well he deserves it. You apologised to each and that shows them that not only are you human after all, but you are thoughtful and compassionate. 3. Goes with the territory. Keep up the PMA. 4. So cool :-)
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
If my D12 hadn't been in the room, I wouldn't have regretted the unkind thing I said. It is true. I just shouldn't have done it in front of her.
2. Well he deserves it. You apologised to each and that shows them that not only are you human after all, but you are thoughtful and compassionate.
Ahhhh....but you see.....I'm not allowed to be human. Any lapse is a character flaw. I've mentioned that before, but what H said to me after my little snip really drove it home. I didn't see it until the next day, but then, wow, it hit me between the eyes. And I don't need to live with someone like that.
Reading all the stories here and how spouses treat each other, both good and bad, both before BD and after, has made me grateful for what I'm not putting up with, but also made me realize that I don't have to be perfect for someone to love me. I should be able to have the odd bad moment or bad day, even, without being grounds for D. If I cry it's not a moral failing. I don't want to walk on egg shells the rest of my life. I want to be with someone who accepts my human-ness and shows me theirs in return.
So I'm still feeling pretty detached today. Let's see how the rest of the week goes.
