Men want to be needed. We want our wives to find us useful. We also want respect. We don't want to be chided or talked down to in public or in front of our friends. It demeans us and is hard to recover from. We want to know that we complete you.
I'm going to tell you this much, too, Guys. Hope is the real deal. She has given me more insight into myself and my situation than I think I have ever gotten. She gets it. Pay close attention.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Not a fun night at all. I got zero sleep. I'm feeling nauseous. My mind is a jumbled mess. I thought things were getting so much better.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Hi Jefe - I'm sorry things have worsened. Remember this is a marathon, not a sprint. Try not to set too much store by improvements - they are just another bend in the road on the journey, which will take the time it takes.
Do you think your W is retreating because you started to look hopeful about your R? Don't undo the good recent things you've done, by having a big reaction to this. Just withdraw, stay civil & do some of your own stuff for a bit...
Good luck :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
"Don't undo the good recent things you've done, by having a big reaction to this."
Excellent point. For her this is old news. And I do feel like we have made some strides. Just need to pul this knife out of my chest first.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
"Do you think your W is retreating because you started to look hopeful about your R?"
Good question. I dont know. Possibly.
I think, just my stupid mind reading self here, she is carrying a ton of guilt. She sure doesn't act like it, but it's got to be there otherwise she would be a sociopath. I think she would like nothing more than to come home and fix all of this but I don't think she knows how and I don't think she's comfortable that the road home is smooth let alone paved. Shes dug herself a hole but she keeps on digging trying to get out. I feel so sad for her because I just want to jump in and fix it and make it all better but I can't. So yes, in a sense, I think she saw me be hopeful and that triggered her flight mechanism.
I just don't understand a woman that would wants to hang out with some dude she's barely known 6 weeks and some dirty bar and leave behind her home, her children, her husband, her church. I guess what really hurts is that from her perspective it must have been so bad that this is better.
Who knows. I guess I could go crazy trying to figure out the why.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I feel like I need to keep blogging these text interactions if for no other reason than just so I make sure I am painting a complete and unfiltered portrait of our dynamics and interaction. I'll start with the texts last night right after she left.
7:55 PM W: Change all the clocks in the house please M: Already done
9:00 PM W: Thank you for the socks W: Still on the hunt for the umbrella (we need a second "Disney" one for D5, our Wally World only had one) M: You're welcome for all of it W: Yes thank you for all of it, my mom said thank you too
9:12 PM W: Girls asleep? M: Yes I forgot to get the (***) from you M: Yes you did W: Can you put it on the buffett please I need to deliver it on my day off whenever that will be M: Ok W: TY ----------------------------------- 7:40 AM Today W: You working today? M: I was supposed to but it just now canceled W: OK M: Why, did you need something? W: No just wondering
Yes. Totally boring exchange. And part of why I am baffled. What is the point of this, other than to reach out and just touch?
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I wish there was a wand that I could wave over all the men on this site to show them the inside of a woman's heart. I think if men could see it--they would understand how easy it is to hurt a woman.
And how easy it is to heal the woman you have hurt.
Women dream of their Prince Charming. The man who will love them unconditionally. The man who will protect them without fail. The man who will be loyal to them above all others. The man who will choose them first and stand by them always.
But Prince Charming becomes a sullen little boy who gets his feelings hurt and blames her when his job doesn't work out; refuses to defend her when the mother-in-law makes a snide comment about her cooking or cleaning; wants to hang out with his buddies instead of her; and starts complaining that she is "psycho" because she gets angry when he emotionally withdraws.
Hope ... this is not fair .. mindreading is not allowed here right??!!!!
Totally guilty of this .. and I basically admitted as much and it was a HUGE impact ... I just pray I have time to right the ship.
Jefe ... hang in there man ... you are adding gallons to that love bucket .. and dude is just using a teaspoon in the lust bucket .. that will fade
"Jefe ... hang in there man ... you are adding gallons to that love bucket .. and dude is just using a teaspoon in the lust bucket .. that will fade "
I know you're right. Just hard to see it from here sometimes.
Well, wife called a few times this morning wanting to discuss what sounded to me like future strategy. We have let the insurance lapse on the cars a couple of months back while we climb out of this income hole I got us into. Anyhow, she wants to take her next paycheck and get the "cars" and house insurance back up to snuff and take care of some other things with my truck.
So totally confused at this point but I'll take it for now.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
