OK, I understand what you mean about the long term, now.
What I don't get is how did we get to a place where she thinks she has nothing to loose? Wow. I didn't think I was that bad of a husband.
Just before this went south, at the end of Aug, just 2 weeks before she mentioned divorce, she sent me these texts very early on a Sunday morning (forgive me if I posted them before): W: I Love You
W: I Miss you. I wish I knew how for us to get along better. I wish I was perfect.
W: I wish I never made mistakes
W: I'll make it to service at 11 with you.
She never made it. We were so close, and I think I blew it. I wish we were back here 60 days ago.
"...when she is laying in your arms and you say, “You are beautiful” she will smile and say, “You always say that” and she will know it is true."
She already used to say that to me when our relationship was much better. It's always been true.
BTW, Thanks for the response, MCS.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I'm sorry Jefe, I misspoke when I said your wife "had nothing to lose."
I honestly don't know where she is emotionally. I was making an assumption and I should not do that. Especially in an emotionally charged situation like the one you just faced.
I wasn't trying to call you out, lol. That's your job.
But I do feel concerned that she may be close to feeling that way. IF she thinks she can't overcome what has already happened and keeps heaping more on top. How could she ever feel like she could recover?
I mean, I'm an addict, I get this mentality to an extent. I just don't know how to break the cycle.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Just got a TY text from MIL for the stuff I sent with my wife. Double brownie points.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I wish there was a wand that I could wave over all the men on this site to show them the inside of a woman's heart. I think if men could see it--they would understand how easy it is to hurt a woman.
And how easy it is to heal the woman you have hurt.
Women dream of their Prince Charming. The man who will love them unconditionally. The man who will protect them without fail. The man who will be loyal to them above all others. The man who will choose them first and stand by them always.
But Prince Charming becomes a sullen little boy who gets his feelings hurt and blames her when his job doesn't work out; refuses to defend her when the mother-in-law makes a snide comment about her cooking or cleaning; wants to hang out with his buddies instead of her; and starts complaining that she is "psycho" because she gets angry when he emotionally withdraws.
It crushes her because she wants him to be her hero. But men fight so hard not to be their woman's hero.
I find it sad how often I meet men who have spent more time convincing the woman in his life why she choose wrong than convincing her why she choose right.
And, when she finally agrees with him, "Yes, you are a jerk. You don't defend me. You don't protect me. You would rather be with your friends than me." He gets hurt.
Woman are easy. They want to love. They dream of love. They are motivated by love. When they aren't in love the majority of them talk about when they will fall in love.
So if you know this about a woman...how do you deal with a woman who is walking away?
How do you break the cycle?
Love. The same love that won her heart the first time will win her heart the second time. Give her the man she thought she fell in love with the first time. Be the man she thought you were before you broke her heart.
Unconditional romantic love. If you don't give it to her--she will find it somewhere else. It's in the female culture. We want love.
And there is something amazing about being with a man who thinks you are the most wonderful person on earth. It is irresistible to woman.
Funny. I had been begging her to come see my band play for weeks and weeks. When she finally did, I could not keep my eyes off of her. I even told her she was the hottest most beautiful woman in the place that night, and I meant it too. I used to dote on her like that all the time. Man she loved that stuff.
Why did I stop? I don't feel any differently. I don't care what time and children have done to her body. She is still the most beautiful woman in the room at ANY given moment. And I'm not just talking about her "parts" like I'm sure some of the other guys do. I meant SHE was beautiful.
The trick is making her feel that way without pursuing and while protecting my heart to some small extent.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Hope, I agree with Claire! Where have you been all my life? Any chance you have equal insight into men? I know you're a woman but I sure could use some understanding on what men want, deep down.
