Wife having emotional affair part 3

[3kids]

I really had to laugh at this. This is truly funny and shows a lot.

Last night I went over to the BIL to help him fix his truck. In convo he asked if my youngest was available tomorrow for a play date with his kid. I said no because the wife has the kids. And she told me she was going to some concert with OM. He laughs and tells me a story(remember he has never seen OM).

The story goes like this. He was out ripping around on his four wheeler. And decided to pull into my old house where the wife lives now. He says he pulled into the drive way and seen OM jeep there. He ripped up the drive way and seen some one jump behind one of the sheds. He gets up there and my wife is sitting there smoking waves and drives away.

This tells so much of the OM it is funny. He is not a man and is scared of either been seen at the house by someone or family or me. It shows so much about there relationship. How can any women be happy with or proud of a man that hides around like this. This relationship is doomed.

And I now know my BIL truly does not like what his sister is doing and will never like OM or except him. And I'm sure the wife knows this.

[1foot2]

Keep it up buddy. You're getting there!

[3kids]

Just an update.

The wife is asking the kids about praying. This is something that I started about two months ago. I would like to go to church more but mine and the kids busy schedules don't always accommodate. So every time we have a dinner that we can sit down together we pray. I, the oldest and the daughter take turns doing the prayer. The daughter loves it and so does the youngest. The daughter says she has started to do it at almost every meal. The oldest is unsure about it, but I explained that without god who does he thank for his great athletic ability. He states he thanks him every game. And I told him that's great but you can't thank god enough. So apperantly last week the wife asked the kids to show her how they pray at my house. They did and the daughter gave the prayer. They said they only did it once and OM wasn't there. Still made me feel good. For one they are spreading there love of god and second the wife is asking about what we do in our lives. This is a good sign!

[3kids]

Well the wife me this morning early. Asking if my mom could watch the daughter because she was home sick. I said of course she could it would just be a little bit because she would have to wake up and take a shower. We had a discussion that she would only have to be there for a hour or so. And I told her that she knows my mom and she would spend the day with her. She said thank you and hung up. I finished what I was doing at work and was about to call my mom and the wife called back. She said never mind about calling my mom. And I asked why? She said it was her day with the kids and my mom shouldn't have to handle the kids on her day. I told her it was no problem and my mom would be ok with it. She said she would take care of it and never mind. I said ok and we hung up.

I'm sad reality is hitting us both on this one. And my pour baby girl.

[Mozza]

What a strange interaction. It seems like your W had second thoughts. But don't be sorry for your D (at 9, she's not a baby!) and for yourself by the same token. She's with her mom and until recently you thought she was a good one.

Personally, I never insist ("really, it's no problem") because I want my W to know that she's in full control. Also, I avoid being rejected or even letting her know that I wanted something.

[sandi2]

I agree. I might also add, as a grandparent, not to be so hasty in volunteering your mother to babysit. Even if you know she would love to do it, wouldn't it be best for your WAW to ask her herself? Let the two women work that out.

I honestly think it is good that she realizes she needs to take charge of finding a sitter, and not put that off on you. Not that you mind, that's not the point. It is about wearing her big girl panties. The W, not the child.

[3kids]

So it's a snow day in Minny. Kids are home playing in the winter wonderland. Love it, I get calls every half an hour, can we do this, can we do that.

Had I good one yesterday. I don't talk to the wife anymore maybe once a week and about two text messages. So this one was something to remember. She wanted the daughter yesterday for a movie she was doing for nurse school, I had already said yes to it. But our communication skills still are horrible. We didn't communicate that she had to set it up with other people and daughter. Where I thought it was just the daughter. So no movie screen shot for the nine year old. This kind of upset me because the daughter was already looking forward to it but both are bad and nothing could be done.

But when I called after the text message to see why not, I got a balling wife. Call it what you want, I still care. So I asked what's up. I got I'm having a really bad day so I couldn't have done the movie anyways. I asked if there was anything I could do. And she declined and cried harder. I validated a little but she still didn't say why she was crying and we hung up. Me and the kids continued go about our business( no deer this weekend for me and the kids). When we got done hunting I started to make dinner for us. And I thought to myself I'm just going to send off a text to her because that's not like her to pick up the phone crying that hard. Text said "hope your ok?"(depression is what I was thinking). I got back "thanks my name, that means a lot to me. I'm ok. I just a sent back "ok :)". Then I got back "seriously :)". I thought she was made at the ok with a happy face so I asked "what does that mean". She wrote back " I'm saying it seriously means a lot, I'm not just saying it. :)". I wrote back " well good, I still care you know".

If nothing else it was a drop in the love tank on a very bad day for her. Don't know why she was crying so hard but what ever it was must have hurt her.

It's getting to the point I don't think I'll ever get my marriage back or a new one with her. From what the kids say it sounds like her and OM are getting a house in a close town together(kids have seen it a couple of times now). Om still has no plans of moving back here full time. Still two weeks here and two weeks in Alaska. But that's her life and I need to plow forward. Wish things could have been different between us but this is our life. Still a little hope but not much any more.

[3kids]

Had a good interaction with the wife today. At my daughters Veterans Day concert. We sat next to each other and asked how she was doing. She said not good. I asked if there was anything I could do for her and I'm concerned about her. She said she wished we had insurance so she could go see the doctor. I told her I would take care of it if she wanted, she declined.

During the program she seen the flags and mentioned that she still owes me one from a past birthday. I agreed and told her after a minute that owed her a good life( May be bad but I felt it needed to be said some time). During the program she put one of the poppy flowers around her ring finger and looked at me with a special look. She complimented me on how I looked. After the program we walked out and where leaving and I told her to take care and let me know if there is anything I could do. She said she just doesn't know what to do. I asked if she wanted to talk and she declined.

[Mozza]

3kids: I can tell you're making a lot of efforts to control yourself around your wife. You're doing good, better than a while ago. Make sure you don't pursue. It's hard to do, but it means leaving her something incomplete. It's not giving up when she declines your help; it's not offering your help at all. She knows she just has to lift a finger to get it. Make her doubt a little, make her want you. It can't happen if you always offer. Good luck.

[3kids]

One of the proudest days of my life. My oldest has always been taught by me to be a leader never a follower. And he is going in the right direction. Today is WE DAY in Minny. Students get selected for being great leaders in there community and schools to go to this. My son is one of the lucky ones. He gets to hear great speakers from around the world, famous actors, and great national music groups. And I hope he remembers every little bit of it! It is a truly special thing. And he played it off like it was nothing special.

The wife did end up calling me last night. I validated probably the best I have every validated. She opened up so much to me it was incredible. I learnt where she is in life, how she's feeling and a ton of information. She misses me and our family life. But doesn't want to get hurt again. Every day is a struggle for here. Has anxiety attacks every day because of this whole situation. Doesn't feel right even when she has the kids because I am missing. She is upset that I am living a happy life. I didn't let her know how my life is just said it's as happy as it can be right now. She brought up how I went on a couple of dates right away after the separation. I explained why I did (hurt and feeling of being unwanted). She's feeling like she is just going around in one big circle always coming back to the same old questions. Of why and should I. She wants to be a family again but scared that it won't work. But can't handle this feeling of emptiness. She talked about mine and her changes. I didn't say to much through this whole convo except to validate. But I did say that I was sorry for hurting her and not listening to her. And explained the reason why is because I was failing as a husband and provider for my family. And that I was just pushing her farther away. That I would never go back to that same old person and my eyes are open now. Where she jumped in and said you where not failing, it was my screwed up family and this rotten house that did that. She asked nicely if she could come over and see the kids and I said sure( I knew she wouldn't because she was to upset). She later sent a text saying she couldn't come over. Here is her text and says a lot.

"I would love to come over and see the kids but I do not want to confuse them not let them see me sad. I think I'm going to put myself to bed early and hope for better days and choices. I thank you for trying to be there for me through all this when you don't have to be. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry I hurt you.

And I replied with-
"I forgave you along time ago. My only hope is that some day you will forgive me for all the pain I may have caused you. You truly are special wife, I hope you realize that. Goodnight.

Her reply-
"Thank you so much! Goodnight husband. Tell the kids I love them like crazy and can't wait to see them tomorrow. Good night family!!!!"

Now I know not to expectation. But this really does say a lot. For one reality is coming to a front for her. She sees that this pain won't go away. Told me she misses me and our family. She realized she is unhappy with out her whole family. This may have been her needing comfort but it also told me a lot. It told me that I'm going to be ok regardless of her choices. Because after the text, I barely gave it another thought. I enjoyed my kids. It tells me she is truly not happy with OM other wise she would not think about me or our family. I knew something was up yesterday when I seen her at the school. I'm just going to enjoy this day for my son, who I couldn't be more proud of right know!

Thank you!