Is this normal?

[Cadet]

What are your plans for this?
What are the expectations/rules if any? I think we discussed that we are both theoretically single and are free to date whoever-are you positive? Or should we wait a bit. Open to discussion here, but would appreciate ground rules and clarity.

This is relationship talk and should be avoided in MHO.

She is more than likely already dating.

Personally I think you should wait until you are divorced.
But that is just my opinion.

As far as separation $$$$ - normally everything should be split 50/50 but being that you have not been married long, your marital assets should be small.

Be careful not to comingle any assets if possible.

Keep posting

[elltee2]

Just another update.

Wife has been away from the house for a week and a half. She responded to the email and was civil, saying we should both to see other people, etc. Fine. I know WAW's want that freedom and everything so I'm trying not to feel/express jealousy or anything like that. She wanted to get together this week to discuss the divorce logistics but since our petition got kicked back because of residency issues, maybe at this point that discussion is premature. We should probably talk everything out once the hearing is set, and we have a date for mediation. Why discuss it all again now if mediation isn't until the new year?

Last night my friend was supposed to be my partner for the swing dancing class I discussed earlier, but she couldn't make it last minute. I went anyway and danced with the instructor. It was a great class with both swing and Foxtrot and I learned a ton. However, I'm 27, and everyone else there was a happily married middle aged couple. That kinda stung a bit but I set a goal to learn to dance and I'm trying not to let myself get sidetracked by these moments of emotional weakness.

It's been hard not hearing from W at all, and I honestly have no idea where she is. But I need to respect her taking off, or at least pretend I do. Every day I set a checklist. I have a good breakfast, workout, jog a bit with the dogs, tanning every other day and trying something new twice a week. Some home improvement projects are thrown in there as well. I even got a Facebook to reconnect with old school and Army friends. So far I have been strictly adhering to my plans and they have really helped me feel as though I am moving forward in my life. It feels good to walk around the house and see things getting done, and to look in the mirror and see how much better I look because of the exercise and good eating.

I do still feel that lingering sense of loneliness. I will see something that reminds me of her, or what we had and cry my eyes out. Will that go away soon? I am trying to make the right moves here. Thanks for the support, all.

[elltee2]

10/30 new update. Drifting further apart everyday.

I am having a bit of a hard time financially, now that my wife doesn't help with any bills and hasn't been home at all. All of my bills are getting paid, but just before my next pay check I don't have money for groceries and end up foraging in the cabinets a bit. I still pay for a lot of her things-her car payment, her car insurance, and absolutely all of the household responsibilities.

In my mind it is unfair that I should support her while she is off doing whatever she wants, so I emailed her to let her know that we should move forward properly with the S. I indicated to her that if her things are not out of the house by the Weds before Thanksgiving, I will have to put them all in a storage locker. She didn't respond to the email so the next morning I texted her. They were to coldest most robotic texts I have ever seen-but I kept my cool. All business. She said she would have her things out and let me know when she would be at the house to get it done.

Although I want to work on the R, I know that to protect myself financially I really need to move forward with the D. Right now I can't trust my WAW at all. It feels like she's really taking advantage of me, and even worse that she is a totally different woman than she was just 2 months ago.

Also, it's just incredible how detached she is. When we text it is as though we are two complete strangers. Even in breakups people waiver and miss each other. I have honestly had more thoughtful/open discussions as a child after deciding not to sit next to someone on the bus on a field trip.

While cleaning the kitchen I found one a paycheck laying around. I wasn't sure if one of my friends left it, but after looking I realized it was my STBXW's. Two lies became readily apparent. First, she is not a salaried worker as she had stated before. She told me she made a certain income and that she was salaried, however she makes about 5,000 less than that amount and is clearly hourly. The second is that her job title isn't what she told me. She had lead me to believe she was in a decision making position. She would come home and talk about all the stressful things going on at work...but she is an assistant who primarily does office administration. Office admin is great work and very important to a company, but why did she lie?

I know I can't focus on her. I am continuing with the DB book and continuing my 180's and sticking to the schedules I set for myself. Still going to the gym every day, practicing my swing dancing with friends during the week and continuing to take the dog to her puppy classes.

The lies are just crazy to me. Oh well. Until next time.

[Bunches]

I don't think anyone can predict how quickly the loneliness or feeling of needing to cry at the drop of a hat will go away for you. I'm 1 year in and it still just comes out of the blue, but much less often and doesn't become such an impact to the day when it does happen now. I feel like I understand so much of how you feel from your posts. I could be wrong, but I still feel like you are putting too much weight on how STBX will react to the things you say or do. Sorry if I am wrong, but I remember saying I would stop so many times but at every turn I would want so much to read into every little thing that did or didn't happen or predict what would be said if I did or said certain things....such a waste of time and probably did more harm than good in the long run.

Glad you are working on GAL activities. You may get a negative reaction for pulling financial support but its my experience that you will loose respect if you don't act in your own interests. Even if what you see happen above water level is negative, it can still be the best thing long term. Just make sure whatever you say in regards to changing the financials is business like and has no emotional strings on it. One last thing...don't try to find a way to bring up the lie about the job she has or what she makes. Will it change anything? Can you expect anything expect defensiveness or her need to create another lie and at least throw spew your way for looking?