Need help. Scared, confused pt 3

[Jefe]

Took the girls to the Fall Family Festival at our church today. We had so much fun. What a blast. D5 won 2 cakes in the Cake Walk, loads of fun.

W had to work today, maybe just as well since she still seems uneasy in total family settings. She did call and text needing some help finding an address for one of her stops, this afternoon. I appreciate that she needs me and calls me first and I feel good be able to help. I guess conventional DB wisdom says don't answer or be so available, but in light of recent progress seems silly not to.

[FunDad]

Good deal. Sounds like your road is not heading toward D, and that's so amazing. Nice job. :-)

I had some fun today too! Got to spend the day jamming with my son doing some old rock and roll tunes we are preparing for a concert next week.

I ran into my W at the store today. Pretty awkward checking out separately, but at least she's being civil for the most part.

Keep up the good work Jefe.

FD

[Jefe]

I'm hopeful because you guys aren't seeing the D at the moment. Man, from where I'm sitting I'm scared to freaking death.

Cool beans on the jamming. Where's the concert?

[Jefe]

Little just posted this meme that she found on FB on her thread, I'm reposting:

"It's become such a rarity nowadays to find somebody to fall in love with and stay in love with. People seem to forget how beautiful it is to grow old with someone, to build and witness someone's progression and to conquer obstacles as a team instead of facing them alone.

I guess it's safe to say there's not enough thrill in that for them. There's no thrill in knowing someone like the back of your hand.

I guess that's why you could say I'm an old soul. I don't need to go out all the time and switch people up every week to fulfill my bordem with temporary happiness.I always wanted something real, someone so genuine that they're worth lasting a lifetime with. Someone who's willing to invest time and effort that's needed to win, instead of forfeiting when "there's no coming back". I understand it's nearly impossible nowadays to count on someone with all your heart and soul. It's more dangerous, if anything, but I guess that's why you can count me as one of the rare ones.

I'm not just in it for "a reason, a season, or a lifetime", I'm in it for all three."

[Jefe]

She has called almost every single day for 2 weeks straight, after work or after her evening activities. She always has some other "reason" to call, but none the less she keeps calling. \

I'll take it.

[Shakspr]

You darn sure better take it. I've gone dark and the XW seems very happy with that development.

Hope414 certainly has some amazing insight. I am enjoying learning through the advice.

[Jefe]

Hope414 is one of a kind. I'm pretty sure she is the direct answer to a prayer.

[CaliGuy]

Jefe

Sometimes I borrow your positives just to steal some hope!! Looks like things are going well, stay the course ..My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

[Jefe]

Thank you CG.

I had another very pleasant exchange with the Wife. She called to tell me that some plans had changed for the afternoon and wanted to make sure I fully understood and that she was very sorry that It messed up my day. (She hasn't been concerned about my day in months). I really enjoyed the tone in her voice and expressed concern for how her day was going to turn out.

I hope things are turning around for this family.

[Hope414]

Hi Jefe,

Again, this is wonderful to read.

Maybe it’s time to start introducing romance back into your lives.

As a reminder, romance is selfless. Romance doesn't have any expectations. Romance is patient and tolerant. It doesn't benefit you. It benefits the person you are romancing. When you romance someone your goal is to make the person you are romancing feel loved, valued and cherished whether you gain or not.

A while back I suggested celebrating her job. Maybe you could take another look at my suggestion about a “Mommy is Amazing Dinner” where everyone gets to say why mommy is amazing.

Before you plan the evening—first ask you wife if she is available to spend an evening with you and the girls. Don’t tell her why. Tell her it’s a surprise and you will give her more details later. But right now you just need to know what night (if any) is perfect for her. Once she gives you the permission to set the date then proceed.

Have your daughters create an invitation to the “Mommy is Amazing Dinner” for your wife. It can be hand written. Computer generated. Whatever they want. Remember—it’s about their amazing mom. But make sure they do it the way they want to do it. Even if it looks messy and silly to you...it doesn't matter. This may be something your wife treasures forever so leave it alone.

Make sure the date and time is on the invitation and everyone signs it. Then have the girls give the invitation to your wife. They will love this. In fact, they will be very excited. Girls love this sort of thing.

You might want to discuss with the girls whether you want to make it a “formal” evening so they can play dress up. Now—Dress up is different than church clothes. “Dress up” is about the drama of your outfit. Let them seek your wife's input on their clothes. They know what they are doing.

This will get the girls giggling and take pressure off the evening…which is perfect because you don’t want it to be “too” romantic.

Also let the girls decide the menu.

Chances are good they will pick absolutely ridicules items. Go with it. But make sure you put something your wife completely loves on the menu as well. The girls will go on and on about how you let them decide the menu. And if they don’t give you credit for the only item you choose you can whisper to your wife, “You can thank me later for the (insert the only edible thing on the menu) later.”

If the “Mommy is Amazing Dinner” isn’t your style, think of something that is.

The point is to start engaging in behavior that make your wife feel warm, accepted, part of the family and loved by you.