KGirl con't

[KGirl]

If anyone has any words of encouragement or thoughts or advice.. or really anything.. it would be much appreciated. I feel like I'm starting the whole greiving process all over again. I got a little too comfortable with putting the M and H aside,to the point where I think I was in denial, and now I have to face it again. I'm thinking I will just listen to whatever he has to say on the phone tomorrow, and can tell him I'll need to think about it and answer later via email or something with my thoughts.

[Card29]

KGirl, I'm not a vet with sage advice, but I'm here. That is hard news to hear. You have some reality to face - he wants to file. But many, many people have remarried after D. And I've also seen some reconciliations on here after filing but before D. Try your best to remain calm on the phone call. Don't think of it like your M is ending tomorrow or even if/when the D is final. It ended at or before BD. If it is going to be reconciled, it will be M #2.

[claire7]

KGirl,

I'm so sorry you are in this place. We are here because we've had hope. This doesn't mean that you should necessarily give up hope on your M, (it's over when you say it's over, and of course you DEFINITELY won't ever give up hope on yourself), but I think I understand how you feel.

((KGirl))

[Jefe]

KGirl, I'm not up to speed on your situation but I can certainly relate to what you are feeling. I agree with Claire, it's only over when you say it's over. We all need hope.

[KGirl]

Thanks for all of you for checking in. It's nice to "talk" to people whose first response is not "well, at least you know his answer now!". I guess the DBing may have helped me get to a better place to receive this news than before... it may be too soon to tell. I think I put too much hope in the 1% possibility that he might come around (he told me repeatedly he was 99% sure that D was what he wanted... and I got really fixated on the fact that it wasn't 100%), and that's why this is so heartbreaking now, even though I feel like I should have gotten over all the sadness and whatnot back in December. My thoughts keep turning to the "whys" again, all those questions that have no answers ("why wasn't he happy? why did he do this? why wasn't he willing to do anything to figure it out or even talk to me?") and I'm trying to not ruminate on those because as 25 would say, we waste too much of our time on that, but not being so successful right now. And I am scared to death about having this phone call with him to discuss "things."

It's funny how not long ago I said I thought I hated him and that it might be too late... but yet when he says he's moving forward with filing I freak out and don't want it. Maybe this is more about it not being on my terms or me iniating it (and feeling like he's doing something TO me, to hurt me) than what is actually happening.

[Jefe]

Of course you held onto the 1% hope. So what's wrong with that? We all came here to save our marriages. I ask myself all the same questions you do, everyday. Do we possibly waste too much time on it? Maybe. But if we don't hold onto some glimmer of hope why even bother being here? It's okay to mourn the loss and it's okay to hold onto it, for as long as YOU want to.

(((KGirl)))

[Card29]

I feel the same way sometimes, filled with resentment towards WAW, thinking I'll be better off without her. But I always come back because I want to restore my M more than any other possibility. I'm sure you feel the same way. And while your M isn't over or hopeless until you decide that it is, it's important you know that reconciliation is not our only hope for happiness.

From what I've read from you, it's sounds like someone will be lucky to be with you in the future, whether it's your WAH or another man.

How's the kitty?

[KGirl]

Oh, kitty. I got the text from H and shortly thereafter posted here (so not sure how long ago that was, I can't figure out what timezone these are technically in?). I had just started to play with the cat and then had to put that all on pause while I curled up in a ball and sobbed and talked to a close friend on the phone. For about an hour the poor cat was meowing and begging me to keep playing with him but I just couldn't. It triggered a bunch of memories of me and H playing with our cat (that lives with him now) and most likely not ever seeing her again or living in the same house as her, and like I've "replaced" her somehow with this new cat. Poor little guy, good thing he doesn't know all of my underlying feelings about him! I wonder if he can sense the stress, though, and that's why he's all whiney. We're playing now and it will be OK. It's nice to have some constant companionship even if it's a cat.

[Maybell]

KGirl, I'm sorry that's what's happening for right now. I can imagine what you're feeling.

I hope you're in your apartment. With your sweet kitty. Relaxing in he nice home you've made for yourself, surrounded by things you chose with your own preferences. Enjoying what feels beautiful to you.

I hope you are reflecting on how strong you've been, how self-sufficient. You've got a cute orange car that you researched and chose on your own. You've been self-reflecting and growing, building bonds and becoming a woman only a fool would leave.

THEREFORE, your H is a fool. And you deserve way better than a fool. You deserve to set your face forward and to expect an amazing life for yourself.

And maybe, if your H is very, very brave, and very, very lucky, he will grow into the sort of man who deserves you, and PERHAPS, if you're available, he might get a second bite at the apple. But I don't think he will. Because I think there is an awesome future in store for such a courageous and competent woman, and you will the One That Got Away, and thanking him for the broken road that you led you into an outrageously awesome life.

[lost18]

I really like what Maybell said!

Sorry you're going thru this. My fear for myself is that I'm feeling too hopeful or positive because if it comes to this for me I know I will be in much worse shape than you. Hang in there!