Let's try this again

[T384]

I've been sick for the last couple days and combine that with unable to call into work = not a happy camper!

However- we did go to MC yesterday. The counselor said he sensed a lot more anger between the two of us yesterday. He wants us to come back within 2 weeks to see him. I was actually working (C is right across the street) and got called for an emergency so I had to leave and H stayed to talk with C.

He asked how things were going. I brought up with C that I felt H was getting comfortable, H was stuck in traffic so we had a few minutes to chat. The C brought this up to H without it sounding like I said something to him. H came up with the same schpeel he gave me (me working 2 jobs, him having a new job, being busy with the boys, and attempting a bathroom remodel). My response was something to the sorts of me being appreciative of all of those things but that nothing to me has really changed in our situation. We were just as busy in august when he was making every stride possible.

We also got into finances. Which H said was our main problem. And most of why he left in the first place. I told the C I don't feel comfortable with joint accounts and I also feel everything should be split 50/50. It's not right now. H said he wanted me at home more and I had diarrhea of the mouth...

I basically said no. I don't feel comfortable losing this opportunity that has allowed me to maintain the boys lifestyle and mine during our S. How do I know H is just not going to come home one day? I am worried about protecting myself and the boys and I can't lose the opportunity financially to do that right now because he wants to R. If there's something I learned during this it is that I have to protect the boys and I and make sure this is right. I hope one day that will change and hopefully soon but it hasn't for me yet. I just don't trust H. He stole money out of my savings while I was out of the country on a vacation he stood the boys and I up for. Everything was pretty quiet after that.

The C told H he sees a lot of hurt in me and fear. H said rightfully so and that he knows this is going to be a long road.

The C continues to encourage us to have our 1 night a week date night and to make a point to talk 10 minutes a day at least about fun stuff (not kids work or house stuff). He said this because of my schedule. I leave the house at 530a and get home around 8-9pm. For example. I am working 8 out of the next 10 days - hence why he said even to just take 10 minutes a day to connect on the days I work.

[woundedfool]

I've been sick for the last couple days and combine that with unable to call into work = not a happy camper!

You were sick and now Ebola is creating a panic/retraining/overtime (added pressures on RN's). I think its safe to assume you have been busy/tied up.

But, check back in... how is it going?

[T384]

This Ebola mess is crazy ... Especially working in a children's ICU/trauma unit. I feel lucky not to work in an urgent care or ER. Work has been crazy.. There was a family shooting this morning... A father shot all of his children after a fight with his wife... It is heart breaking. We do a lot of wonderful things where I work and save a lot of lives but it seems there have been more lives lost in the past month than saved. I work with a great group of nurses and physicians which helps but I can't say some days I don't question if my heart is cut out to see a family cry over losing a child ... To be honest it scares the sh*t out of me and if I could put my kids in a bubble I would probably try. Please put helmets on your children, use seat belts, look both ways before crossing the road, and get your babies swim lessons!! Okay I'm off of my soap box


H and I are headed down south this weekend. We are going to see a concert tonight and staying at the hard rock and will be doing some gambling

Things have been okay. We still struggle. H ex boss sent H a text (if you recall H asked him or any of them not to contact him. Well last Saturday he sent H a text saying if you know anyone that does good work send them to me, H replied okay.

He didn't tell me about this until I randomly asked if he had heard from anyone. He said he didn't think it was a big deal bc it was work related and he only said okay. I felt he should have ignored ex boss. Am I out of line? Our agreement was no communication UNLESS it was in person like at an auction or something business related. Ex boss has a lot of friends that could potentially hurt his new job and H doesn't want to do that to his new boss if that makes sense. H told me if he ignored ex boss he would go running his mouth and hurt his new jobs business (same industry).

I was very upset not so much by the text but that H is more concerned with making ex boss mad and hurting his new job. I get where he's coming from but we had an agreement. Any thoughts?

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Thanks for checking on me Wounded- I hope you are doing well

[Zues126]

I see both sides of this reply. I get it violated a technicality of a verbal agreement. Personally though I see that a one word reply may deescalated the situation. Not replying at all sends a strong message that there is bad blood and they are enemies. And while that's not far off, to send an 'OK' reply to me means 'we're not enemies, but I'm not able to continue dialogue with you'. It would've been a lot different if he started suggesting potential hires, meeting for lunh to discuss, etc.

I sense that you are very insecure with your H's past behavior and he level of his recommitment. I know there is a balance between standing up for yourself vs becoming crazy and controlling. Has he done other things that make you feel he is violating your boundaries? That might be important context here.

Bottom line, I think the text isn't a big deal. I think if its part of a pattern then you address the pattern and why that is important to you. At the same time I'd make sure you have done what you can to have recognized what he HAS done. If I had been trying to recommit to a M and was doing my best but felt I couldn't win and my W would never forgive me and be suspicious and hyper critical forever because of it that would make it a pretty miserable M in my book. Any gets have advice?

[jim0987]

I can understand why it would bother you, but like Zeus I can see both sides. Is it the text that bothers you or that he didn't tell you?

[woundedfool]

This Ebola mess is crazy

Just keep reminding yourself of the basics... technique, technique technique. Wash early, wash often!

H and I are headed down south this weekend. We are going to see a concert tonight and staying at the hard rock and will be doing some gambling

Sounds fun, I actually have not been to Hollywood since the year Anna Nichole was found dead, I really need to get down to South Florida. Um.....You have any single female co-workers with a loose sense of morality?

He said he didn't think it was a big deal bc it was work related and he only said okay. I felt he should have ignored ex boss. Am I out of line?

Boy, that is tough. I can honestly say I would have probably responded the same as H did. I think it is fair to have the calm conversation: "I do understand, and your right... that message was not a big deal, and I think you response was TOTALLY correct. Furthermore, I appreciate and respect you telling me. But, I would appreciate it if you would let me know early on if they ever reach out to you again."

And then with a chuckle and a laugh maybe say: "I am sure there will come a day, when I will be able to trust HIM again... but I have a worry in my head about his motives"

I was very upset not so much by the text but that H is more concerned with making ex boss mad and hurting his new job. I get where he's coming from but we had an agreement. Any thoughts?

I do appreciate your frustration with the boss, but your H is right (to a degree). Nothing is served in his career by just being a jerk (like telling him off again, or ignoring). As a new employee he already has the deck stacked against him. The last thing he needs is ex-boss calling new-boss and saying: I can't believe you hired that idiot... don't you know he left his wife and kids and tried f**king my daughter? Oh and he stole from me!

Aside from repairing the family... career is weighing heavy on him. And as you mentioned before: finances are a big issue for you two, so I am sure he is quite conscious about the importance of consistently getting a paycheck.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Thanks for checking on me Wounded- I hope you are doing well

Thanks! you too, enjoy the Crue!

[T384]

It's more that he didn't tell me and also like I said that he makes me feel like he's more concerned with offending others vs. How it makes me feel. We've dropped it and Zues thanks for your insight. I am very insecure about H's intentions but I'm trying to work on that.

This is the first thing he's done that I know of. So I guess it's bothersome that he didn't tell me. He told me he didn't even think about it. I was at work and he just forgot about it. Which I do believe he forgot.

Thanks guys I appreciate your insight. I have to stay the strong independent person I have been. Just had a lapse. But I also have to stay stern that my boundaries are my boundaries

[SunnyB]

Thanks! you too, enjoy the Crue!

You just can't feel bad listening to Dr. Feelgood.

[T384]

Wounded -

Yes hand washing and the crazy hazmat suit they want us to wear. They also have just one person watching people gown up and down just to make sure it's done right.

And I actually have a very successful single friend that is always looking for a nice guy to hang out with ... Especially down south

So IRT the boss --- you know how I feel about him and his family but taking the high road (as I have) is the right choice. In moments of anger and hurt (as I know so well since this all started months ago) it is easy to let the fly out of the window and think there are better choices. But once I calm down and think about it the right choice is the high road. I have worked so hard to never mention her name or even talk to any of them despite run ins and mutual friends so it would su*k to throw that all away now over a text.

I think I will just tell H that I would appreciate it if in the future he would just tell me first and that I think his one word response is appropriate and that I appreciate he doesn't engage with any of them. Like I said I understand where H is coming from but I also have to stand up for myself.


Btw I did jokingly mention something about the lack of text/effort. Then made myself a little scarce for the next two days (stayed at a friends one night - I sometimes do this in a stretch of work days to save me on my commute so not something that would jump out to him) and low and behold he's back to what he was doing

[SunnyB]

BTW, H will be at the Hardrock tonight. Not for the Crue, for a different event. I'm not going.