I am so appreciative that you shared that with me. It means a lot and has given me much to think about.
You friend's s sounds like a great kid. My kids are not so receptive. They are crushed and loaded with anger about it. They have said they do not want a r at all. When we found out about hww, she was 4 months and they had just moved into a house they bout together. We were totally blind-sided. I honestly thought xh was coming back, and my kids told me after they found out that they though he was coming back too.
It was A LOT to take in at once. Since then, the r with my kids and their day is not good. They realize now that for months, when he was blowing them off and not making time, it was because he was with her. Then to find out that he is living with her and her toddler with their baby on the way (and we were still married- d wasn't filed until after she was pregnant),, is just too much.
They bought a 3bedroom house. One for them, one for her kid, one for the baby which isn't even here yet. Did either of them consider my kids. I can't believe he put her and her kid before his own. And I can't believe, as a mother, she would do that and buy a house with a married man when she hasn't even met his kids.
OK, my intention was not to vent about it here, but I guess sometimes I just get going.... sorry.
So, I did think about my kids and the r with this baby. I really have no say in it. I would not pressure or guide my kids either way. It is really a personal thing. If the kids decide to have a r with her, then I hope I can be as wonderful as your friend.
My d13, who never talks about it- ever, made a comment about it last night. We were in the car and she said out of nowhere, "Ugh, two more months." I said, "What?" D13, "Till December!" I didn't get it for a second, then she gave me a look and I realize, that's when this baby is due. (Mind you, d13 has never met hww, nor does she want to)
I told her I wasn't being sarcastic, but asked if it bothered her? She said, "YES!" I asked why, and she said that it's because it's not from me. (I know these seem silly to ask, but she never talks about it and just says they are irrelevant. I have to use the opportunity...) Then she said some not so nice things. I am not going to get into it, because d13 is soooooo sweet and LOVES kids, and it is not her personality. She is just really angry about it. I can't blame her. I feel so bad for my kids.
So, anyway, Betsey, I am very thankful that you took the time to post that to me. I will read it several times, I'm sure. It has given me another perspective.
The gift of this process is that if you do it right (introspection and hard work), you become aware of how you feel and how you act, and how to find balance in life. I remember when Wonka first got here, and she's put in the time and effort to understand how to be authentic. And by authentic I mean true to how you feel without projecting and taking the sting or perception of punishment when stating those feelings. It can be a tightrope.
The Wallendas have nuthin' on me! I can even cross the full length of the tightrope on a unicycle blindfolded without a net underneath me. Oh and there's a lovely Capuchin monkey on my shoulders to boot!
Mighty--what would this place be without the ability to vent? Venting is important. I have a rule about it, though. I can only wallow in those feelings for 24 hours. And then I absolutely must catapult myself into a better frame of mind. I started that thought discipline back when my youngest was diagnosed. It's kept me sane and not bitter.
Wonka--don't let the monkey sh!t on your shoulder! (BTW, I love chimps and monkeys. Ask anyone.) Just don't ask me to walk the tightrope. I don't have the balance or concentration for that...
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Alright...Pinkisters (yeah...a made up name for my groupie)...
A lot has happened lately:
1) Hot GF is no more 2) Ms. Wonka responded this morning 3) I'm one hot mess in the head and heart
Life marches forward.
Ok, ok...I'll go with the response first for you starry-eyed folks.
Hi Wonka,
I can see that 10 years has spanned already and that we are growing and evolving in our ways. It certainly will be some issues that we don't see eye to eye. There are times if opportunity presents itself that we continue to address it. Like now.
I agree that the understanding and patience is important in the process. As you mentioned, you felt that my communication was not what you expected. How you described is not how I felt I presented myself. But I can see how it came out that way. I took the time to clarify issues on what is important to me. Thank you for hearing me out.
You keep referring in emails and the last one I'm not the same as you remembered. I would like to think that we are more wiser and mature..sure of what we want in life and change of self is often needed to live.
It looks like civil movement is gaining speed in recognizing GLBT marriage. I think I saw XXXXX (State) off the hook yet? I think I saw that there are 30 states that allow GLBT marriage.
I hope you find this season well and safe from the flu and bug.
Ms. Wonka
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You need to know that I fought off a VERY, VERY strong urge to call Ms. Wonka after getting home from work tonight because I had this overwhelming yearning to connect with and talk with her as my best friend. My emotions were roiling like a strong ocean storm all day today/tonight. Massive confusion reigned and my head space was firing off in a million directions.
Hot XGF is just that because I am struggling in my heart and head. This was some time after the anniversary of my beloved late father's death. Emotions about my hometown. Reflecting on the next steps in my life and where I want to take it.
If I am being totally and completely honest here, recent communications with Ms. Wonka has a hand in this process as well. Sigh. Who said life can be simple??!
And for the first time in a long while. Fear has reared its ugly head. Fear of ...feeling exposed and vulnerable. Yeach!
Wonka, I don't have any advice to offer, but you've helped me so much in my sitch that I wanted to give you my support in yours.
It's remarkable to me that someone going through their own sitch would take the time to offer myself and others so much help and guidance. I'm hoping nothing but the best for you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Here's my response to Ms. Wonka tonight.
Ms. Wonka,
I think growth and evolution are very positive things in a person’s life after a great deal of reflection and introspection. A part of the evolution is the maturation process where we learn some valuable lessons and apply them. In my mind, they go hand in hand. As for being wiser, that’s debatable! Ha! LOL. I am not too sure about that one.
In regard to the view that you’re not the same as I remembered, I think a clarification is in order here. What I meant by our friendship not being same is that we both have changed and that the old friendship is long gone (and altered in several ways).
On the topic of gay marriage…I find it deeply gratifying that recognition, after years of struggle, discrimination, smears, and outright hate, is finally happening now. It is a huge tidal wave that’s sweeping across the United States and there’s no stopping the momentum at all. A very, very satisfying feeling for sure! XXXX (State) now has to comply with the law as handed down by the 6th Circuit Court although I have to say that I hate, hate being in (XXXXXX State) here. You could ask, “What on the Earth are you doing there??!”
As for getting sick…ya know I am as healthy as a horse. Rarely get sick!
XXXX (State) now has to comply with the law as handed down by the 6th Circuit Court although I have to say that I hate, hate being in (XXXXXX State) here. You could ask, “What on the Earth are you doing there??!”