Inside My chrysalis 4

[claire7]

Ss,

That sounds like a really good night-- he opened up to you about his IC, you had lighthearted, pleasant interactions, AND you caught your own negative thought pattern before you said something you didn't really want to say!

Congrats!

Gone Girl, I've heard, should at least make you feel better about your marital situation!

[vossy]

I think perhaps H is looking for signs that I'm interested in him. Sort of along the lines of what you're saying vossy. I think he wants me to ask more about things, be more interested. I've been trying to give him space and not be too nosy lest it be seen as controlling and pursuing but I'm going to go with my gut on this one more and ask about things in a conversational way (as opposed to a confrontational or aggressive way of course). Let him know I'm interested in what is going on in his life, how he feels about it, etc.

Yes, this is exactly what I meant, and you actually put it better than I put it myself. (Maybe that's why I haven't picked up any new writing jobs!) You have mentioned before that his self-esteem seems low, and so I imagine he doesn't feel comfortable putting himself "out there" for fear of.. whatever. But he does *seem* to be wanting more interaction, IMO.

[LisaB]

This may sound silly but the way your H is communicating reminds me a bit of how I am with my WAH.

When I go out of town I don't tell him and if he finds out I am vague with details. I make big decisions and don't discuss them with him but might drop hints about what I am doing.

I behave in this way for many reasons including:
-trying to be mysterious
-trying to be independent
-feeling like I shouldn't reveal information unless he asks
-being defensive
-wanting my privacy
-trying to get a reaction

Obviously I am the LBS and not a WAH but maybe the reasons for his behavior could be similar. To me it sounds like he is trying to take control of his life in a way...

Hugs,
Lisa

[bravo61]

Ss,
Not to point out the obvious but he mentioned "if" y'all got back together. That's a positive!!! Also if you want to "be" with him, I guarantee he would. I know I would if my wife would let me. Cause ultimately that's what hurts all of us LBS, the knowledge that there will probably never be a one last anything. I asked my wife since she won't let me kiss her lips when I leave (used to b very impt.to her-and yes I failed at that too!) If I could hug her & maybe kiss her on the forehead, she actually said yes. It's very hard but I'm trying to appreciate every positive thing I'm experiencing w/her. Even if it's just our hands brushing together or a smile directed at ME! That said, if these spouses are waffling that's a good thing. I know I'd rather hear a maybe than a He'll No. Not trying to sound sanctimonious just trying to be optimistic (and yes that's one of my 180's). Taking care of you is really simple but no one said it would be easy.

[bravo61]

The hug thing is important to me as I never know if I'll survive my shift at work (LEO). Just look at the rain in our lives as little drops of sunshine. Of course it seems as if everyday at some point, I make my own little drops of sunshine.

[Ahoy]

Hi SS, we have a similar time line. My H is also demonstrating in small ways that he might be interested -- but it's hard to know if he's interested in seeing what's possible with us, or interested in just being friends. I guess time will tell.

The V thing would have thrown me off as well. Just make sure you protect yourself if he initiates intimacy with you. My H has a V and I worry about contracting STD if he returns (testing would be required in that case).