We separated the business end of it masterfully. It is all down on paper and has been given to the attorney that is going to do the dissolution. The only issue that came up was that she asked for another 50 in CS. I told her I would agree to it if she could give me a reason. She could not give me a reason so we let it stand at 200.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
About being able to sort out the finances so easily but not the marriage, sometimes we put more attention into our financial life than we do our emotional life.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
The statement I made was sort of a self criticism. I certainly put way more attention into my finances than I did my M. All along I thought I was "doing my part" by preparing us for retirement and the future. Could not have been more wrong.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
The statement I made was sort of a self criticism. I certainly put way more attention into my finances than I did my M. All along I thought I was "doing my part" by preparing us for retirement and the future. Could not have been more wrong.
It's good that you recognize that.
I was much the same. My H is much more of a laissez-faire money manager, I was always afraid we'd end up in the "poorhouse" which no longer exist. So I put a lot of pressure on us due to my fear and my attachment to money and material things. I wasn't extravagant at all but I put all that before my family.
How are you going to use your knowledge going forward?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I have always been driven to be successful. I have been very fortunate that I have made the right decisions at the right time and a LOT of things fell in place for me. Until BD I thought I was living the american dream. Ironically we married partly because we both wanted to be successful and to an extent, wealthy. My drive to provide that contributed to the ultimate failure. Going forward I will continue to strive to succeed. However, I will be sure to take the time to work on other areas in my life, especially my relationships. I was so busy plowing forward I assumed my W was right there with me. I took her for granted that way and it is certainly not a mistake I will make again.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
So, W called tonight while I was harvesting and asked if I would switch. Vehicles with her on Friday. She wants to drive 40 miles to buy a washer and dryer for her new place. I don't want to be an a hole but I don't want to help her leave either. If she can't use my truck she said she would get a u hauL truck. We agreed to split the cost of a washer and dryer for her and I would keep what we have in the house. We have a really nice new front load washer and an older dryer. She's going to an outlet store to buy a scratch and dent model.
I told her I would consider it and get back to her. Why do I do?
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
So last night I came home after harvesting. W was packing up stuff from the kitchen. I looked through boxes and cabinets to determine what I needed to replace . I gave her a few things she had left and she gave me a few things she had packed. She went to bed and I sat on the counter in the kitchen and allowed myself to "live with" the reality that she was leaving. There was a lot of tension but we navigated it. Half an hour later she came out of her room and complained about the lights. I suggested she close the door. This led to an argument. Being flooded emotionally I was not able to keep a level head and it escalated into a half hour fight that culminated in doors slamming (both of us) and curse words. We both reverted to old habits of criticizing and the atttacking and defending. I should have walked away but didn't. She left tonight and took the boys to her mom's. Last night was the last night she will stay in this house. I am both relieved and distraught. 12 weeks of living together after BD was too much stress.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
I am entering a new chapter. After apologizing for my hurtful words and actions I walked away today. I asked when I would see the boys again and she said she would get the to me so we can follow through with plans for the weekend.
She will move this weekend and I will be gone. Finally I am able to distance myself and hopefully live in peace. I am looking forward to less stress and less worry about OM and boundaries.
Tomorrow starts our co parenting rotation . Tomorrow we will finally be separated.
12 long weeks of living with my WAW has been the most challenging period of my life. Tonight is my first night alone in the house. Tonight is rock bottom. Tomorrow will be better. The next day will be even better.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
