Yes she is moving about twenty miles away and leaving me with the children I have a small company that's struggling along and now I have to take kids to school and she hopes to be able to collect them every day until she gets a full time job. She is having to sell her car and does not think she can afford to live. She has asked me to leave but I will not leave my children until the cops drag me out.
Honestly I cannot think of a sitch similar to yours. maybell's is similar but the gender roles are reversed.
I will add that it might be a good idea to seek the advice of a L. Protect yourself and your family. You dont have to act but learning more about the process and your rights are crucial.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
RD -- It's actually not uncommon for the WAS to get involved with someone who is not a good choice. It's part of MLC. Know this: she is struggling through an identity crisis, and there is little you can do about it at the moment, except for yourself. I know you and I both would like to cling to the idea that it's an EA -- and maybe it is -- BUT as you say, the drastic changes she is making seem to indicate that there is another person pulling her away, and we should mentally and emotionally prepare ourselves for the possibility of a PA going on. If you look at the various stats on this board, you'll see that many PAs were revealed in time, although the WAS had denied it in the past.
However, there is no point dwelling on it. You and I will likely NEVER know exactly why our spouses are doing what they do. So don't dwell. It's not a problem you can identify or fix. Just take care of yourself and your kids to the best of your ability. Let her go on her journey. Step away. Maybe she'll come back, maybe not. Just detach and be okay with yourself. You'll find lots of support on these boards.
Last edited by Ahoy; 10/02/1401:01 PM.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Hi Ahoy, thanks very much for the support, wife and I had a chat last night regarding her moving out. SHe seems very upset but is determined. W has said it will be a struggle to survive but she wants to do it. She seems to be justifing leaving the children by saying she will be coming home to see them each day. I was with our I/C today and she is convinced that W is not even in a EA but more of a supporting role due to this guys problems. (?) As you say Ahoy, we will never know. I/C was upset to think W was leaving the home and thinks that our M problems are far from terminal. Her exact words were W thinks grass is greener on the other side. I/C thinks there is still hope and the biggest problem we have is dwelling on the past. Im not sure I agree as W seems to think R is over and no way back. I/C pleased with my progress but thinks I should be more supportive of W re money. I asked why, as W has made the choice to leave but I/C thinks W is lost and leaving her alone and short of money could drive her away. I would be interested in any thoughts here please. thanks again all who read this.
Hi everyone. Just an update. W"s EA / PA had birthday yesterday and she went out with him and her workmates. Came home late but driving (so sober) and then went to work with him agIn today. Volunteering. W lied about who's birthday it was and I found a gift in her car worth 15 euro. (20 dollars). I know I fixate on OM and I am trying to deal with this. I have accepted that W is going and she has no hope for R This has been going on for almost 6 months now and I think it's time to face facts. W has left R and does not want to come back. She is in some sort of R with OM and that's where she wants to be. I would ask anyone on here if they have any thoughts on day to day techniques on dealing with the pain of this. My 180s include housework, spending a lot of time with kids and through I/C I am generally much calmer and relaxed in life the I I/C I am seeing and it is a great help but I feel so weak and alone I have a major concern over W. She seems to be rushing head first in to a very difficult situation and while I know I have no control over her , I still care and worry. My children are going through a tough time and the coming week will be very tough when see leaves I have plans to redecorate a few rooms and we can all get involved and that should keep their minds busy. Any thoughts anyone
Rd500 You should read my thread very similar sitch to yours . Even about a new friend of my W who is a alcoholic on anti depressants and is a fruit loop.
And the money situation after W left the reality hit her like a steam train . She said she couldn't even afford to eat . What I did learn is to stop being a soft touch and toughened up. I was seriously thinking about paying for a flat for her for 6 months to help her out .
My W left the house 3 weeks ago to go live at her MIL . Has had very little contact with kids and to be honest any contact normally ends with kids being annoyed at her attitude .
One thing is my kids are far happier at home since W left .
You mention decorating . My W has told me that the kids are not to redecorate there rooms as she only did it 6 months ago and it would be disrespectful . Both the kids hate the decor that she chose and want to redecorate but told them to wait till after Christmas .
Maybe W having an affair was disrespectful to me and the kids .
What amazed me was how organised I was with regards the housework and that really did surprise my W .
One thing I did learn was to listen to my kids as they told me to kick W into touch the minute the A was exposed but I thought I knew best and tried to save our R .
Good luck and stay strong and try your hardest to be a man only a fool would leave .
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
S UK. NSorry to hear of your sitch Thanks for posting the kids are the most important thing My W has spent all day talking to me as if she going on holiday. She is now calling it her b+ b. I have to detach and it's really hard. It's a shame we love them so much but I suppose if we didn't we would be on here. My W seems to be living in a dream world and thinks I leaving home leaving the kids and wonderful old me for a poo hole and a drunk. !!! Go figure. Thanks again for posting
S UK. NSorry to hear of your sitch Thanks for posting the kids are the most important thing My W has spent all day talking to me as if she going on holiday. She is now calling it her b+ b. I have to detach and it's really hard. It's a shame we love them so much but I suppose if we didn't we would be on here. My W seems to be living in a dream world and thinks I leaving home leaving the kids and wonderful old me for a poo hole and a drunk. !!! Go figure. Thanks again for posting
Honestly you sure we're not the same person. My W has left for some worthless guy who just likes to go to the pub . Thrown away her good life (her words) for what appears to be a living nightmare and we have to just stand idly by and watch them train wreck there lives and we are completely powerless to stop them from dong it.
Just need to work on ourselves and more importantly be there for our kids .
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
Hi all. Today a tough one. Can't t stop think about OM. feel she is moving closer to him as I DB. my W like to think she is an independent person but she needs someone to help and advise. She is selling her car. An old but top model volvo and buying a old much lower class of car. We had the chat about it yesterday and I simply told her to look at a few before she decides. Normally I would inspect the car and pay for it. She seemed to be enjoying looking for the car but came home today and suggested that I sell my old but top level mercedes and buy something similar to what she now has to buy. It seems she is starting to realise that her new lifeay not be without a few downs. I know I should put OM out of my mind but how. We were discussing practicals of her moving out and she asked me if I would start looking for someone else. I asked if that was ok and she told me she would not be happy but would understand I joked I had already meet someone and she burst into tears I think she is in a A with OM. PA / EA but knows life will be tough and is struggling with this. Ws family haves advised her to sort out house before leaving but she said she doesn't care about money and just has to get away. Is this normal ? Any thoughts would be great fully accepted. Thanks.
