I was sad for my "him"... but he is very happy now being back and heard and brings a lot of his optimism, wonder, mischievousness, simple joys into the present.
I have a nice collage picture that my grandfather made from that summer with "him" smiling and joyful, I put that in my bedroom where I see it first thing every morning when I get out of bed...
Last edited by TSquared2; 09/25/1404:27 PM.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Shining- I'm catching up on your thread and wow- I am at the exact same place. I really don't want to see him, I can't believe he's like an excited teenager to show me his apartment and the cool features like pool view- without a thought as to how that might make me feel. I have to say you handled it better than I did- I didn't show it to him but I felt angry and bitter for a day or so- have now let it go.
My H keeps saying the same things about " making it right, and doing the right thing". I think that's their guilt talking. Maybe it's part of a lucid moment away from alienville.
In any case your postings and sharing are really helping me because they are so similar to where I and H are at. Thank you as always for being so open with your struggles. And thanks to the vets who are helping- I'm learning much!!!
Rock on with the job interview- hoping it works out for you!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Had some back and forth with H. He was all supportive and communicating throughout the afternoon, sporadically.....
Then just now, he said he wants a D.
It started when his texts were coming in from a separate thread on my phone. I asked if that was still his phone. He was confused. I tried to explain, and then he asked for a screenshot. So I sent a screenshot of incoming texts, showing his name on the list twice.
The other names were my children, and his D19, who is jokingly listed in my phone with a male name...her request. I didn't think about it sending the screenshot.
Then H sent: Tell (male name) I said hi
I ignored that.
Then H sent: You are going to need to talk to xh and get your kids on his insurance. I'd like to file for divorce soon. The only open issue is your car.
Me: (male name) is not a date. I'm not dating.
H: regardless
Me: what changed?
H: Nothing. Now things are cleaner and don't need lawyers. I can't go back. I am very physically attracted to but I can't get over how you acted about many things. I resent things including some of your kids. It just won't work. H: Too much poison. Sorry
Oooooooohhhhh... Shining... I'm so sorry. My heart sank when I read your post. It is so difficult... I am sorry. I know that feeling, like your chest is caving in, like it is hard to get a good breath because your chest is so tight. I felt that when I read this.
To be honest, "Now what?" Well I don't have the answer for that. Whatever happens, just know that you will be ok. Remember, it is just a piece of paper. The feelings he feels and you feel do not change because you have simply signed a paper.
I don't know if this will help, but I just got to a place where I just thought that I would just let him go. He would get the d and then maybe he would see that feelings don't change. I thought that, in a way, it would be OK, because he would feel that with the legal "ties" done, he would feel like the pressure was off, but realize that his feelings were no different. That helped me to accept the process. I felt that if I did that and he came back, it was because he wanted to.
OK, now, I am not trying to compare our sitches NOR say yours will turn out like mine (at all).... however, I shared that because it just helped me get through the process mentally.
I don't mean to rush to that and say this is what is going to happen; things could change any time. But, emotionally, I think you are so strong and that you will be fine.
He is a fool. No doubt about it.
As for what to do now, I'm sorry I can't help, and I'm sure no one would want MY help in that sitch!!!! I am sure someone much wiser than me will be by soon with words of wisdom. Just like they seem to do around here (thank goodness!).
It's hard to not respond. I'm just sitting here with this.
It's almost impossible to hold back... It seems so logical to try and talk about things but I can't. So I'm in my room crying so my kids aren't in this. So it's just me.
I feel like I just want to pack up everything and move to my home state. I have no job here now. My 2 boys are moving onward with their lives. There are too many changes and too much pain and no friends or family. It's tempting, but I can't uproot my two younger kids now. But I have nothing else here and I feel completely abandoned and alone.
But nothing has really changed, so that's silly. I hate this.
Hey sweetie. I am sorry. No matter how prepared you think you are, it still hurts to hear those words.
It isnt really new information, though, right? I mean he thinks he doesnt want to be married and has acted that way.
They often have to follow through with everything. Leaving you didnt fix the unhappiness, ow didnt, getting his own apartment didnt. So he feels that he has to try the next thing.
Often they say it and dont do anything about facilitating it. But sometimes they move quickly.
You dont have to answer him if you dont feel like it.
Trying to stop it just makes them dig in harder. This doesnt mean this is over, my friend. It just means he needs to do this in order to figure himself out.
