Ok I think I'm really starting to get it. WAW just texted me that she won't be at church (apparently got drunk somewhere again). The last two months, even at my best, this would have hurt me (if not crushed me - sad to not see her, wildly wondering where she was/what she did). Instead, I said, "okay, feel better, good night" and that's really all I was interested in saying to her. If she chooses to worsen her depression by getting hammered with a depressant (alcohol), not my choice. I had a great Saturday and am looking forward to a fun Sunday. Only downer is that D2 is going back to her tomorrow.
Last edited by Card29; 09/28/1403:24 AM.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Ugh, I hate the idea of D2 going back to her tomorrow but it seems your WAW could discover how hard it is to parent with a raging hangover.
Your attitude is markedly better and growing even further. It feels good to be detached a bit, huh? It's hard to maintain, that's for sure, because the smallest thing will suck you back in, but remember this feeling because it's what will keep you on your path.
meh, I've been hanging out with a friends a lot lately. I tend to be a homebody big time so going out is a good change. I've been reading A LOT. Today I gardened, which is strange for me, I'm no gardener. I've been tidying and cleaning and decluttering a lot, too. Is that GAL? I don't know but I feel refreshed after doing it.
Hey Card, Over on Ss' thread you asked whether the book HTIYMWTAI is written for a female audience. Her thread has taken a different turn so I thought I'd reply over here.
Actually I think men and women will find HTIYMWTAI useful - it's no so much about either gender but how the dynamic plays out. Heck I learned more about myself reading it, not only the male perspective. I found it much more enlightening and tolerable than Men are from Mars…certainly more grounded in physiology/science (and less on gender roles if that makes any sense). MAFMWARV felt dated to me (highly educated, co-bread winner, no children) whereas HTIYMWTAI felt like a good read that integrated a lot of ideas (5LL, MAFMWARV, SSM)
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
meh, I've been hanging out with a friends a lot lately. I tend to be a homebody big time so going out is a good change. I've been reading A LOT. Today I gardened, which is strange for me, I'm no gardener. I've been tidying and cleaning and decluttering a lot, too. Is that GAL? I don't know but I feel refreshed after doing it.
I think as long as it helps you get to a better place mentally, without having to resort to substances, meds or alcohol, that is the point of GAL to me. Prove to yourself that you don't NEED the WAS to be happy and you will be:
- Happier in general - In a great place to work on yourself now - Prepared to piece things back together in a healthy way if it comes to that - More ready to move on if it comes to that - More attractive to the WAS in the meantime as you aren't as needy
So if something you're doing is accomplishing any of those, it's something you should keep doing!
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Last few days have been a little different. Can't say better or worse, just different. We had settled into quite a bit of space between us the last couple of weeks. We were chatting and texting everyday, at least 15 minutes each day. The last two weeks it really slowed down. I wasn't stressed about it. I've been enjoying GAL, and have been trying to work on myself. I'm realizing I need to work on myself at work right now since I am alone at home, and most of my self improvements are relationship-focused.
So anyway, things started to change a few days ago when she was very stressed and reached out for my help picking up an antidepressant refill. She wasn't going to make it in time, and it's bad news when she missed a dose. I was on my way to a business dinner, and she knew that. She was hoping I hadnt left yet, and told me not to go back once she heard where I was (1 he detour to go back to pharmacy). At the time, I was debating enforcing no-contact, so I kept driving for 10 minutes thinking "she wants the separation, so I'm going to let her deal with it." But then I put our sitch aside and realized she really did need my help. She was stuck somewhere until after pharmacy was closed, and she was going to be a mess for a couple of days of she didn't get her med that night. Her fault for not getting it sooner, but I didn't want her to suffer, so I turned around. Picked up the med, called my colleagues and told them I'd late and to surprise me with my entree choice. After dinner I dropped the msd at her apt and she was very appreciative. The next day she called me and told me she may have a semi-serious medical issue, critical-organ related. Told me she was going in for an MRI, and I started praying for her. She called or texted me about it for the next 3 days. I told her I was praying (and I was). Told her D2 was praying for mommy's organ The afternoon after her MRI, she had D2. But she invited me to meet them at a playground, first time she's invited me to anything in a month. It was fun, although our crazy dogs interrupted the fun.
And I've earned some bonus points yesterday and todsy by taking the lead on iniating a price reduction on our house (no bites so far) and investigating a high charge on one of her meds. It is a new med, so there was a hiccup with insurance coverage, and she is having s rough transition onto it. She was straight up attacking me (for no good reason) via IM this morning. I knew what was going on with her, so I backed off for a couple of minutes me she apologized and said she had to stop her "anti-b!t˘h" med for a couple of days. She has texted me several times today, in a much happier tone.
I'm not having expectations for any of these changes, but it has been nice. It's also been great because I am very detached (yet in love with her) right now. I get to enjoy every exchange with her without holding my breath hoping the convo will continue one or two more exchanges. So I'm able to leave convos very naturally without being clingy or needy at all. It feels wonderful.
I was reading sandi's 37 rules about a week ago, and for some reason, "Be her biggest cheerleader" stood out to me that time. All of this started the next day. So it's been on my mind the whole time. I've tried to be positive and encouraging without forcing it, and I think she has really appreciated it. I think I was meant to see that rule at that time.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
The afternoon after her MRI, she had D2. But she invited me to meet them at a playground, first time she's invited me to anything in a month. It was fun, although our crazy dogs interrupted the fun.