I have a question for anyone with MLC knowledge. I ran into an acquaintance and she mentioned that xh was being overtly immature. I didn't say anything (I don't really have anything to say to that here on the high road). She made the comment that he says he tries *adulting* from time to time. I know they *try on * personas, however do they realize they look immature? Or is it that they just don't give a fig? Just curious.
Seems with my exposure to the MLC beast, they are so consumed with themselves and what they want/think they deserve, they do not see/care how they are acting nor how it appears. I know for my MLC/WAW she and my 7 year old actually argue on the same level, I will give him credit that he acts 9, but so does she, I often laugh in my head at them as they argue and think ... S is more of an adult at this moment than his mother is.
Thanks Cali. Yes, they are exceptionally self absorbed. I realize it isn't my issue and I have to work on this. I cringe to type this, and I'll just say it. Acquaintance said xh posts "such inappropriate things" (x BIL says this too and I know he does). I guess xh said he didn't want his daughter to grow up to be a --- (I cannot even enter the slang bleeped out for that ) dumpster. I don't want to offend anyone here, but that one made me cringe big time. . I just have no idea why he would post stuff like that. Attention maybe? I hate that he refers to the children and I know....it's a free country. It just doesn't seem normal. Ack!!
Back to me and my peeps. Thanks for listening.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 09/17/1403:46 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
This high road can be very lonely. I feel like this road is unpaved and with very few motorists. I cannot get off this road. This is the road for me. I would love to scream right here at my desk but they may call security. I know. I know. Must let go. I will get there. I think I can. I know I can.
Deep breaths. I'm a good person. I am flawed and I'm working on things to make me better. Deep breaths.
Happy Friday!
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 09/18/1412:42 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Yeah, I k ow gb, my friend who has got my back and is there often twice a day by phone, has said "my god you are far too nice to a man who assulted your child and cheated on you. He's far crazee if he's still gunna d you around at settlement. " end quote.
I even have been writing db emails, in a way for settlement. Validating his feelings calling him on bs, tonight even thanking him for organising to do something he should, do. Rolls eyes. Happy Friday too, it's my Saturday tomorrow even tho it's not technically yet the weekend.
Last edited by Ggrass; 09/18/1412:50 PM.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Thanks Cali. Yes, they are exceptionally self absorbed. I realize it isn't my issue and I have to work on this. I cringe to type this, and I'll just say it. Acquaintance said xh posts "such inappropriate things" (x BIL says this too and I know he does). I guess xh said he didn't want his daughter to grow up to be a --- (I cannot even enter the slang bleeped out for that ) dumpster. I don't want to offend anyone here, but that one made me cringe big time. . I just have no idea why he would post stuff like that. Attention maybe? I hate that he refers to the children and I know....it's a free country. It just doesn't seem normal. Ack!!
Back to me and my peeps. Thanks for listening.
It's not normal. He has an illness of some kind but you know that and it doesn't excuse his actions.
Validation of your decision to create a safe life for you and your kids.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thanks to Matt, Wonka, Heather and anyone else I missed due to Erasure (80s reference) of posts. Your input is always appreciated. Journaling..... So I spoke with kids' therapist today. Told her I didn't know if x Mr GB was still on his meds. As those of you who follow along, X Mr GB posts everything on Twitter. She suggested I look to see what I thought it doesn't matter-I guess it somehow helps me process the lunacy. Or as D9 said last night, "Daddy is really weird." Other people tell me some stuff he posts, occasionally o look, just depends. Yes, I know snooping is not encouraged. For me, since I interact with him so sporadically, it's a (albeit foggy, cracked, and possibly shattered) window into his behavior. I can be slammed with 2x4s-again, some of this is my mental check for my children. I always feel a little nauseous before I look.
Oh my. He keeps using the phrase that (I don't want to name him but if you are a sports fan you know) a certain college QB was suspended a game for using. He talked about how long it took for OW and him to have s*x. That his marriage should have had a lemon law (made me laugh). Lots of words that begin with p, f.....you get the gist. OW told him he should have pulled put 11 yrs ago (referencing my pregnancy with oldest son) and I thought "holy expletive! These folks look like trash!!!" Who posts caca like this? I wasn't angry. Wasn't hurt. Actually was grateful that I'm not actively participating in looking so skeezy. Just bizarre. Like watching someone you don't know. Can't imagine posting stuff like that. He's still employed so he has to be functioning at some capacity. I tell therapist and she says "doesn't he realize people see this or kids could find it?" I told her that I don't think he really processes stuff like that. He's been diagnosed with resistant treatment depression and anxiety. I have always wondered if he was bipolar as I know it frequently goes undiagnosed.
Before the posts disappeared, someone suggested I mention him not posting vile or inappropriate stuff. I tried a couple of times. He said "this was his voice". He blocked me although it's all on a public setting for the world to see. I'm not a psychiatrist, however I glanced over several references to our m. It appears he's in some emotional pain. I still document questionable stuff if I see it. I feel like I have to. It's for my peace of mind. However, I think the adulation and attention for OW helps him. Like I said, I view him as a case study at this point. I'm not at the point of wishing him well, however, I do wish for the sake of the children and for his own being that he finds a sense of peace.
XILs coming tomorrow for a few days. We are decorated for Halloween (kids love to decorate so we are early). Still decluttering. Having dinner with an old friend this week. Kids have therapy tomorrow. Hoping she can help me with some ways to ease their anxiety. They have really been sassy with me lately and I am desperately trying to reel that in. I know they feel safe with me, however the incessant outburst can be challenging. What am I saying? They are overwhelming.
Way too early but started looking at condos and townhomes Know my house won't sell for a while but I'm excited about the future. Feels good:-).
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 09/22/1405:26 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
So sorry to see this Georgia! How in the world can someone go from being a normal person to acting like trash so fast and not even see how it makes them look to the world! Anyone reading that who is not a teenager can see that HE is the one that is messed up. By posting that kind of "stuff" all he is doing is making himself and his GF look so very horrible, at least to anyone with any class at all! Keep on that high road GB. It may seem lonely at times but it sure beats the alternative!
GB, I totally get why you want to keep informed. You'll get no judgement from me. I would probably do exactly the same. I would be surprised if anyone on the board thinks you are in need of an anti-obsessing 2x4 wack.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. My stomach would be in knots, too.
I agree that we sometimes have to peek into things to know what we're dealing with. We have a duty to protect our kids.
With internet and social media making things too easily discoverable, we can not always shield some bad stuff from our kids. When this happens, I believe it then becomes our responsibility to use the experience as a teaching opportunity.
So, the "protection" becomes different than shielding them from bad things, or pretending they don't exist....it becomes "protecting" their security in your relationship as their mom, and that the bad things outside, don't change who they are inside.
It's a delicate balance. But, I strongly believe in being honest with kids (appropriate to their age and maturity, etc). This doesn't mean, of course, divulging details they shouldn't hear, or adding things that don't matter, just sticking to generalities, and addressing their feelings and concerns.
I doubt that making requests to him to stop would be effective. It falls into the category of trying to rationalize with an irrational person, don't you think? It would just serve you up on a platter as more of a "target" for him and ow to continue to post, and would just be wasted energy toward their nonsense. They're not worth the air. Lonesome high-road that you know all too well.....
I think you're doing great to talk to the kids' therapist. I hope she is a good one.
The kids will learn a hard, but valuable lesson from all this. That part makes me sad in my sitch, too. They will see how those types of comments and "weird" behaviors have natural consequences.....unfortunately.
I'm not a perfect mom... But so far, no one is in prison. And that's pretty dang good. .
OW sounds pretty stupid. Of course, you must allow for the fact that she is going off the information that your ex is giving her, which god only knows what BS he's told her. Nonetheless, any mature thoughtful woman would hesitate to say such things in public even if she thought them privately, so we already know she can't hold a candle to you.
As for your comment about his possible bipolar - I believe (in retrospect) that my ex suffered from a very mild form - mild, brief episodes of depression last about a month, since his teens; hypomanic the rest of the time, which mostly just looked like a super-effective guy (didn't start veering off into the slightly impulsive and irrational until his 40's).
I wish that I had recognized it sooner, although I doubt I could have gotten him to get any help; he still doesn't think he has an issue.
They have really been sassy with me lately and I am desperately trying to reel that in. I know they feel safe with me, however the incessant outburst can be challenging. What am I saying? They are overwhelming.
You can give them the some guidance on appropriate expression of their feelings/thoughts without veering into the sassy territory. They do need consistent boundaries and they need to be clear on the consequences. Yes, it is a fine balancing act between allowing them to express their feelings and ensuring that they don't get too mouthy with you.
It is so positive to read that your former IL's have maintained a relationship with you. A lot of the times they cut off ties with the DIL/SIL just like that which can be hurtful if they're the LBS.
Ellie,
The OW is 18-years old. She's willing to hang out with an older man who wears Spiderman t-shirts. That says a lot right there. Clearly she's undeveloped and does not have the life experience one would expect in a mature woman.
.