Heather, We don't know how he's truly feeling right now, except he's probably relieved that you've filed and have a job. Once things settle down and he sees that you and your girls have created a nice and secure life, then he may very well come to realize what he's missing out on.
He ran away from his old life and that life is where you are living right now. He's happy to be away from all of that responsibility, but you and the girls aren't going to be there much longer, which means the old life that he keeps running from will only be a memory for him because you won't be living there. When he begins to hear from the girls or see things posted on FB by the girls and it's all positive, that's when he's going to miss out on the new adventures.
Whether he's truly happy or not...it's not your problem any longer. Yes, you want him to be unhappy, but that isnt' always the case w/these mlcers. They can scrape the bottom of the barrel until they die and never admit that they are unhappy. You can't wait around to see or hear that from him. His happy may not be the same as your happy. He may be content living the way he is and he may never admit that he made a mistake in leaving you. So, you need to move forward because your new life is out there waiting for you and who knows what tomorrow or a year from now will bring. Life always has way of working things out and generally, if you stay positive and open, good things will come to you twofold.
Keep your focus on you, the girls and your move. You have to stay focused because you've got a lot of balls up in the air that require you being vigilant.
His happy may not be the same as your happy. He may be content living the way he is and he may never admit that he made a mistake in leaving you.
I think you nailed it Job. ^^^^^^
And, I know this and it hurts. This is a man who was really, truly incapable of being more than he was. His life is waking up, smoking some grass, going to work, come home, smoking some more grass...drinking a few beers...watching football and going to bed.
Where I would ask for someone to come and install, professionally, a fix for a problem at the house...he would use duct tape.
I think he is limited in what he can actually do in terms of functioning as a normal human being.
I know he is relieved and probably happier with this life. He has always been content with much less than I am. He has the life he always wanted...no kids, a skank with fake boobs, all the grass he can smoke and a steady paycheck. That' what he wants in life.
What hurts is knowing that I couldn't be the one to "Make" him happy. This other woman is a much better fit for a pot-smoking load who really wants to put NO energy into parenting or being in a truly intimate relationship. He is happier.
It hurts that it wasn't me who could make him happy. But, when I look at the lifestyle he wants...this fits him so much better...I just couldn't live like that. I want more.
I think I am the love of his life...but, I think he is choosing this lifestyle over love, commitment and responsibility. That's what's appealing. My mom actually said it best right after I discovered the affair with the fellow drug-addled skank..."He isn't choosing her over you...he is choosing the that lifestyle over you and the kids."
That really fits...because he didn't just abandon me...he left his life, his kids, his dog, his everything.
And, I know, when he has thought about us and our life here...it isn't appealing in any way.
I have to get past the part where I feel that somehow I wasn't enough...not sexy enough, not whatever...part of me still feels like I must be worthless to have someone abandon me for someone else and, then, be happier. This, however, isn't a guy who really knows what happy is...he knows how to get through the day. That's what he does...he gets through the day.
I want more.
The kids have gone with my Dad on a shopping trip. I am alone!! I may have a good cry and pack and maybe even nap. :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Wake up, smoke weed, go to work, probably smoke more weed, come home, smoke some weed, probably crash on the couch, pass some gas, belch a bit, drink more beer, smell of BO, glazed eyes unfocused on TV, pass out for the evening. Sounds like a real catch.
And you are crying over this why?
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Wake up, smoke weed, go to work, probably smoke more weed, come home, smoke some weed, probably crash on the couch, pass some gas, belch a bit, drink more beer, smell of BO, glazed eyes unfocused on TV, pass out for the evening. Sounds like a real catch.
And you are crying over this why?
Yep, you make a good point. No one understood why I was with him...because I was young and didn't think I could do better. He still found passing the gas funny.
Nope, this is not a catch. And, I allowed him to hold me back for a long time. Too long.
Girls and I are already planning our first road trip to Salem for Halloween. Life is going to be sooooo much better. :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Salem is alright. Don't expect any really big haunted attractions ( Haunted houses). Lake Compounce in Bristol CT has a really big and really good one. Six Flags New England is poorly set up so you only get to do a small part of it and have long lines in between. If you are going to Salem for the history that is different.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Heather, Let him go, mentally, physically and emotionally. You didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. It was never job to make him happy. If he couldn't find the happiness within, then it's on him.
I know you've shed many tears over this man, but it's time to let him go and look to your future. I am be wrong, but I do not see this man ever changing. You can't save him, but you can save yourself and help your girls walk the path of life.
You deserve a far better life than what you had in the last few years w/him.
Get your life in order and make the move. You have given all you can give and it was the best you had to offer. Move on and don't look back any more than you have to.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
We are big, bigggggg history buffs...so, that's part of what's appealing about Salem.
I think I'm going to do a story on fun things to do at Halloween. I will focus partly on local things and, then, throw in a few day trips/overnights for fun.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
So, are there really men who WANT a real relationship with a woman that involves more than smoking grass and getting drunk? Like...maybe...just maybe...there's a guy out there who may enjoy my company and would actually look forward to spending time with me???? Could it be???
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
One last thought...it would really bite the big one to be the skank and know that it wasn't Smokey who finally bit the bullet and filed...but me, the wife. It must sorta S.U.C.K., after they've been together all this time to know he never did pull the trigger. It was ME.
I will take that lil' victory for today.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
