WAH - Chapter 4 Lisa B

[LisaB]

Hi pilot and Ahoy, thank you so much for the wise words of wisdom!!! Wow.

I guess I am totally guilty of grass is greener thinking right now! Wow. 2x4 needed! Food for thought.

But also maybe this type of thinking will help me to get to the place where I am ok with whatever happens, whether he wakes up from his fog and has a big revelation - or not.

Thank you so much for the insights. I really did not consider this angle.

Hugs to you both,
LisaB

[pilot]

But also maybe this type of thinking will help me to get to the place where I am ok with whatever happens, whether he wakes up from his fog and has a big revelation - or not.

LisaB

You get to the place where you are ok with whatever happens by worrying about your own grass in your own yard. How green or brown your H grass is should have nothing to do with it. I know it is EASIER to move on when you are able to rationalize your H as a bad choice. But forcing that image on him will only backfire in the future when your emotions cool.

You are doing well Lisa, and I am positive you will turn out just fine no matter what. It just stinks what you have to endure right now, so I know what and why you think the way you do...because I do the same thing.

[LisaB]

Hello my grass growing friends, things are quiet in the garden.

Didn't hear from WAH for a few days since his charming message about home is where the heart is. I didn't reply, per your wonderful advice.

Last night at 2am I got a text message: "hello?"

I am assuming a drunk text. I didn't see it until the next morning.

This story just gets sillier and sillier.

I feel more and more that the grass is not greener but actually that his grass is simply dead. I used to love playing on that lawn, it was so soft and easy and comfortable and convenient. Now that lawn is so dry and brown and dead and smells bad too. If it got watered and reseeded, would it regrow? Maybe. Would I still be happy and comfortable over there or was it just that it was convenient? Would I be better off looking for another lawn to call my own?

Yes I know - all men are pigs hahaha. No just kidding. I know all relationships and people have troubles and if I found someone new there is no guarantee that things would be better than they are with my H. That is one reason why we DB.

I am just starting to feel hopeless I suppose. And I am really hurt by all his stupid behaviors these past months.

Just venting here. I am not doing anything about it other than slowly becoming more detached and distant in my heart.

Anyone have advice about his drunk text? Do I reply? Say something clever? Say hello back? Ignore him until he grows up and is able to have a normal conversation?

Hope everyone is doing great!

Hugs, LisaB

[gan]

Thanks for stopping by my thread, Lisa. I find it interesting that our H are both behaving in such different ways but yet we could both write the same sentences ("I am just starting to feel hopeless I suppose. And I am really hurt by all his stupid behaviors these past months."+ "…slowly becoming more detached and distant in my heart.") Which is to say - you are not alone!

I wouldn't respond to the hello? text. If he was drunk - then whatever! If he wasn't drunk - surely if he wanted to reach out in a meaningful way then he'll do it again and you'll not lose anything by not replying now.

[LisaB]

hi Ganb8te, I see that several of us are having this same type of feeling. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone. I guess if we want to wait for them to potentially come around then patience is needed. I don't know how much patience I have.

Thanks for the advice on what to do about the text. So far I have ignored it. I am wondering why he seems to have completely lost the ability to communicate in clear sentences...

Hugs, Lisa

[pilot]

Lisa,

I think you, others, as well as myself are guilty of the same thing. We WANT to think the worst about our spouse. We WANT to think their grass is no longer green enough for us. After all, it would make it much easier for us to move along, and cope with being the LBS.

But we cannot forget our role in making their grass brown. When we all got married, that grass was pretty green. In getting married, we gave up our individual yards, for a yard tended by both partners. If that grass got brown, it was not just our spouses fault, it was also our fault. We had just as much obligation to keeping the grass green as the other person. Also, remember, our spouses began seeing the brown grass long before we did. We are only just now starting to see what they saw. That does not excuse affairs, or crappy behavior. All we can do is work to make the family grass green again. It will always have dead spots, and holes in the yard. We just cannot focus on those areas, or the neighbors' yard will always look greener.

Ok, no more grass analogies

[gan]

Not done with the grass analogies yet! My fave is: the grass is greener...but just as hard to mow (John Butler Trio lyric, but I think I recall reading that it comes from somewhere else). Anyway, we, our S, we all need to work on ourselves. It's going to take work no matter what side of the fence we're on.

Pilot, I think you are spot on.

[LisaB]

Oh for f's sake. Pilot why do you always have to tell me how it is? You are right yet again.

Yes of course I had a role to play in the crappy situation with the grass. But hey, when I was around the grass was still green with a few dead spots here and there. But it was NICE GRASS. Then my H left for the pretty meadow with the spring flowers. Spring turned into autumn but he's still out there, high as a kite, running around like a stoned hippie in the dry meadows.

And here I am trying to figure out what to do about that boring dead lawn. I want to run around in a meadow too!

Today I posted something on Facebook and he and the OW both liked it. Not to mention his brother and mother and also another girl he is trying to get with. WTF is happening? Am I living in the twilight zone?

WAHHHH!!!

Thanks for checking in on me Ganb8te and Pilot! Hugs!

[Dpthght]

So in this instance, would the garden my W had be the OM

[Maybell]

Lisa, I laughed out loud at the garden and the Facebook thing. Thanks for the chuckle.