A new day, a new way - MLP Pt. 2

[Maybell]

Have you made a plan? You will feel really good after standing up for yourself. You may have to dig through some pain to find it, but it will be a source of strength. Be well.

[Eatsma]

No, no plan.

Have come home and he's reminding me (in front of s) that he has a horrific day at work tomorrow.

Now no courage.

This is why MrBond recommends immediate action.

Crap.

[Maybell]

It may be good that you have a few days to think. Make a plan for what withdrawing from the the triangle means and precisely what you want to propose. It's not like he's said she's out of the picture, is it?

But maybe Bond will come back with a better plan.

[KGirl]

Better late than never. Not saying it has to happen right now but don't tell yourself to forget about it, that it's too late. Don't let that prevent you from doing what you need to do now. So he has a hard day at work... there's always going to be something that makes it a less-than-ideal time, right?

[KGirl]

and yes ^ as Maybell said, think through your plan. And how you can state it as a personal boundary, rather than telling him what he is or isn't "allowed" to do.

[Eatsma]

No - it's firmly in my brain now, so I don't think I can forget it. Not sure what moment to seize or how to make my plan. Honestly - we've done so much communicating by email throughout this whole process that it's tempting to write a manifesto, but a real 180 would be to just say to him straightforwardly, "You say you're not lying to me, but catching you sneak around is embarrassing to both of us. I've been clear that I don't want to be in a marriage where there is a third party. I need to stop pretending that there isn't one. Let me know if you ever get rid of her and we'll see where we are. Until then, I'm not interested in physical contact or flirting with you."

This morning the cat was rubbing up against him and he said, "Well, at least SOMEONE is showing me some love today." I didn't bite. Later, he told me that I looked AMAZING in a dress yesterday and I laughed. "Your laugh sounds fake," he chided me. "Does it?" I answered.

Wow. He's the Amazing Kreskin, that one.

Today he is firing an employee, and he says it could go "very badly." I don't know what that means, other than he's doing it at the end of the day and will be home late.

He's leaving early in the morning for OWs city for the rest of the week.

Buh-bye.

[SunnyB]

Honestly - we've done so much communicating by email throughout this whole process that it's tempting to write a manifesto, but a real 180 would be to just say to him straightforwardly......

We do this, too. I get really tired of communicating by email, I don't see why we can't just sit down somewhere and have a real discussion. I've suggested this but it never happens. I don't know what he's afraid of, I was never one to scream and yell anyway, what does he think is going to happen if he actually speaks to me? Grrr...

[Eatsma]

Admittedly, I'm terrible (TERRIBLE) at thinking on my feet. I get totally sidetracked and emotional. In some ways, writing is so much better for me.

That said - we've had a few real conversations, both in person and on the phone. The most recent one was a couple of weeks ago...it started on the phone and moved to being in person.

We both cry when we talk to each other. We don't yell.

This is pathetic.

[Maybell]

MLP, I love your speech. If you stick to that and have a plan for how you respond to protests of innocence, etc., you'll be in great shape. Hope you're feeling strong & proud in there. I wish I had been as firm & clear.

[labug]

Think about what you want to convey to him. Is it your anger, is it a boundary for the future? Is it both. How can you best do that?

Do you have any boundaries? It wouldn't be surprising if you didn't. Or that you let transgressions go because "Oh, it really doesn't bother me that much" while smiling and presenting your best face to the world.

And dying inside.