I am the prize

[Atsbaby]

Oh my goodness, there are so many of us being so emotional this weekend! I'm wondering if it has anything to do with the appearance of the full moon?

Daring,
I'm sorry your H is still on the D kick. I completely understand. I think that is the way my M is going to have to go

I hope your D enjoyed her b-day. Good luck with the teenager! I still have a couple years, whew!

I'm praying that you have a good day tomorrow. It's nice to have those once and awhile.

[daring]

Well I made it through today pretty well. Was feeling a bit emotional this morning but then had very busy day at work so not much time to think about the recent conversation about D.

When I came home H had taken care of some errands kids needed and chatted with me about driving/carpooling schedule for schools ( they are all in different ones- ugggh!). He said something that irritated me and I wasn't ugly to him but I didn't try to hide my frustration. He sensed it and said maybe he's not communicating well, hasn't really slept much and was going to head back to his house.

It's good to not walk on eggshells and be able to show irritation ( reasonably) as before I tried so hard to avoid any conflict. Maybe that's a benefit of becoming more detached. And his response was quite reasonable too.

One day at a time....

[Shining]

Yeah, it's been a weird day, for sure! One good thing, is he doesn't seem to be spewing any anger or anything. The fact that he took it back onto himself with the communication comment is kinda nice.

You go on with your detached self, daring!! You're doing great!

[daring]

Doing pretty ok the last few days.
H got his apartment which I'm glad as I know he was stressed and now he'll have a place to live and that he can bring the kids. Funny that yesterday he tells me he's all moved in when he hadn't even told me he got it ( granted it was just the previous night that his app was accepted).

I'm kind of in a whatever mindset- I'm even looking at some meetups and social activities to do when I don't have the kiddos. We will see how things go- I still have hope but I deserve to have an H that has "done the work" as much as I have and is ready to do the rest together. If and when he gets there, maybe I'll still be interested. It's freeing the way I feel- I'm not worried I might upset him or he will feel unloved if I back off. He's seen my changes and the work I've done. Now it's up to him.

This is weird- I guess it's what lovingly detached feels like? Hope it lasts.

[BklynMom]

Just caught up on your thread. I think you are doing great.

I think it is normal to struggle with acting normal around the MLC. We are so afraid of showing any irritation in our mood we become like clones of humans.

It's a good sign if you can be relaxed and be yourself.

Second - your h is totally gas lighting you , most of this whole thing has nothing to do with you and if you were drinking and emotional. And whatever other charges he claims - this is all about him.

He was prob upset on Labor Day cause his EA was being affectionate with her h.

That said I think you have a good chance for R if that is what you want because his EA is unavailable.

Do whatever you can to stay focused on yourself- boot camp and therapy are great. I also highly recommend alanon

[daring]

BK- thanks for the encouragement and insight.

Funny I thought H might be upset seeing her lovey with her H too- maybe he's still dealing in EA withdrawal....

Thanks for the perspective on him gaslighting also-!at first I was feeling bad and ashamed that I became emotional and vulnerable but then something clicked. I had known it intellectually but finally emotionally I saw and felt how I had made so much progress on my issues and he was stuck. And I actually got peeved at how bad he was making me feel about it all to deflect from his own discomfort.
At least he finally came back a few days later and said it was all him and I did nothing wrong.

We shall see how things shake out over the next several months. D or not I am going to be great and focus on me! I think I'm finally moving from faking it to making it.

[daring]

I'm having a frustrated/overwhelmed night. Not sure why- I had been doing so good.
Last night and tonight H had dinners ( one social for friends b day and one business). He took one or two kids to each which was nice, but I had the littlest one both nights. I think I'm just needing some down time.
Behind on work stuff, overwhelmed about keeping up with kids laundry and other stuff now that it is just me ( he's been living away for a year but still around so much he was helping- now it's much less that he's around).
I'm sure I'll have days like this as I adjust.

Signed up with a few different meet up groups and going to try to get out some. I love being social and going to group activities so that should be good for me.

I'm still doing well overall- don't initiate any conversations unless they are kid related. At least he's very involved there- seems to be reconnecting with them more and more ( was never an absent dad but definitely more distant for awhile- much better now).

Hopefully tomorrow will be better with renewed PMA......

[daring]

Journal entry........
I came home to H watching a show with S7 ( he was relieving our nanny today as I was running behind). I went in to chat about kids schedule for weekend activities and transportation . He asked what's wrong- I said just stressed- have lots of work to do.
Then he came out of TV room to talk to me- asked me if I was ok and again I said just overwhelmed- S7 had run out of clean school uniforms last night and I got overwhelmed. Not sure why nanny didn't pay attention but I was stuck catching up.
He seemed bothered, said he was glad we could talk, he could tell I was trying hard not to be standoffish. I said I've been ok, just busy week. Then he said I know this is all a mess- and I know that this is my stuff. ( yay mini progress)
Then he said do we need to talk about anything? I said no, just kids schedules. Then I asked if he was ok and he said no, everything's a mess. I asked a few questions but he didn't want to talk. Said he would deal with it.
Then told me he could help with laundry and other stuff still. I said that might not be good for you to do ( meaning he needs to focus on himself).
Then he told me I looked pretty, then said "I know I shouldn't say that to you."
I said it's ok-just because you want to divorce me you don't have to think I'm ugly. He looked away obviously emotionally upset and then said " I wouldn't use the word want".
After that he withdrew and went back to watching TV.
Ok well- that was a good conversation......
He's cooking, I'm GALing as best I can. One day at a time........

[Shining]

daring, you sound like you're doing great. Keep it up . This is so hard. I'm pulling for you. Time will tell.

(((Hugs)))

[daring]

Thanks for the positive vibes.

H seems to be down. I had social/kid things going on today and he had separate stuff. He stopped by this morning to drop off S16 who had stayed with him and then had to run. He had mentioned calling to come back by, but I was out running errands when he showed up. Then a few hours later he randomly called to see if I needed anything while he was out running errands.
Seems like he is looking for reasons to call.

He went to a surprise B-day party for work friend where many of the usual suspects were there. Came by to pick up younger kids and seemed really blah. I asked if he was ok and he said he was feeling down but would be ok.

Since his most recent declaration of needing to proceed with D I have dropped the rope more than ever before. He is not over at the house all the time like he lives here but just sleeps somewhere else. It's very brief and exchanging kids for most part. I'm doing my own social stuff and continuing to GAL as best I can. He does seem to be hitting some realizations. I don't think this is what he wants.
But I know now that I can't help, he has to figure it all out and do the work on his own. And while I am willing to be a lighthouse, I'm not willing to be a tugboat. He's got to dig into the uncomfortable stuff for himself. I deserve that, and it will be necessary if this is to ever work long term. I see his wheels turning, hope they don't get stuck.....