Yes. I don't intend to offend anyone with this post, however Americans are very guilty of buying into the happiness trap. Everything must be bigger, newer, better shinier and THEN you will be happy. Nope. Nada. I had a friend tell me they couldn't understand why our mutual friend Z wasn't happy. Z's husband left her with 2 kids under 3 to find happiness. Money does not erase pain. If it did, celebrities and professional athletes would never check in to rehab for ahem , "exhaustion".
And don't get me started on age. I the US, society thinks you are old at 30. So what does that mean at 60? Really old? More people live to 100. 80? Very, very old. 90? Decrepit. All of that dumps into the "happiness facade" pedaled by our society. I was wearing one of those tshirts that's says "home" with a pic of my home state and s11 said," that shirt makes you look really you g mommy." I said," thanks. I have zero desire to be younger."
Baby carrots, huh?:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Exciting news update - I bought a car today! I found a cute little dark orange Honda Fit that was within my price range and qualifications, checked it out yesterday, and bought it today! The process was not bad at all. My dad is rather stingy with money, I guess you could say, and growing up he always talked about how car dealers were out to cheat you and scam you so I had this expectation that I had to be totally on my guard and assume they were bad people. But they weren't, it was great and easy and even a little fun! Well, until the loan prequalification thing.. once again my M status tripped us up because when I applied for individual credit, my income alone compared to my debts disqualified me. The finance person came running out and said "you're married?! I didn't know that." Apparently usually people who are married apply for joint credit so they were confused. They just added H's income as joint income, without needing him as a cosigner, and it all turned out. Still irked me, though. My dad also had some choice comments like "I don't know that I would have bought this until they buffed those scratches out," but I'm going to choose to not let him bring me down I need to keep in mind that my dad is the type of guy who will push so hard and be so rude that car dealers won't work with him in the future.
H knows I was looking at cars (because remember, he told me it "wasn't a good time," even though I'm only getting a car because we are S, because we had previously shared his car) but I did not inform him that I actually bought one. I don't know that I need to or care to let him know. He might find out through the facebook grapevine, which is fine.
I've got a cat, a car, a place to live.. all I need now is a kitchen table (I have a card table right now) and I think I'll feel fully settled I know I don't need "things" to be happy, but it's been hard for me to give up/lose a bunch of the things that H has kept (house, car, cat) that contributed to my day-to-day standard of living.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Not much new to report. H has maintained radio silence since the baby carrot text exchange. I continue to work on settling into my place and making it my own, rebuilding my surroundings, decreasing worry and anxiety about the future/things beyond my control/etc.
I have a smaller concern/question that I wanted to get some feedback on...I haven't posted any pictures of my cat on facebook yet and I want to because I like sharing his goofy antics and cute pictures with people I know, and my friends who know I have a cat ask sometimes for more pictures. My concern is that there are lots of people on there who don't know H and I are S, and I am almost certain I will be asked some sort of question like "How are [new cat] and [old cat, who lives with H now] getting along?" Why do I think they will ask? When I went to Las Vegas I got several comments on pictures like "Hope you and H are having a fun time!" that I just ignored... but I guess I can't ignore forever. If I'm going to post stuff I want to be prepared with a response. I could: 1) Just ignore any comments/questions of that sort 2) Privately message the person who asked and let them know that H and I are separated 3) Publicly answer in some sort of vague way (like "[old cat] actually lives with [H's name]" and leave it at that... that seems scary and a little too public even if I keep it kind of vague. Don't want to air my laundry all over facebook!
I'm not necessarily afraid of people finding out we are S but I'd rather they just find out naturally as time goes or as it becomes obvious (like we D and I change my name), rather than try to announce it to as many people as possible so that everyone is aware right away. Has anyone had similiar situations where people have made assumptions about you and your S doing something together and you've had to fill them in... or any other thoughts?
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
It's your choice. Post photos of the cat. I think that's great. If someone posts something, do what you feel most comfortable with. Maybe you message them it maybe you say nothing. However, you are enjoying your new family member and it's natural you want to share.
This is not directed towards you, however social media has made many people lose filters. I had one friend share how his wife as cheating with his next door neighbor. It was so inappropriate. Yes, she shouldn't have cheated although how ridiculously immature of her h to post incessantly about it. Many people now incorrectly everyone wants to know when they poop! Stepping off soapbox.
Glad you are enjoying the kitty:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hi K Girl, just skimming through your thread. Good for you for the cat and the car!
Personally, I kept off Facebook for a good 9 months - and even now am only occasionally checking on it. Just too much difficulty with things like whether to post cat photos or who is reporting back to H, seeing what H was doing, and wondering if people would start asking questions.
Funny . . . when I changed my name on FB back to my maiden name, only ONE of my FB friends asked me what was up! It reminds me of a post I saw recently - "Dance like nobody's watching - they're not, they're looking at their phones."
Just do whatever you want, as long as it's not inappropriate, and then if anyone asks, you can decide then what to do - whether you want to share (no, I would not share globally) or just ignore that person. Perhaps it will depend on who is doing the asking.
NC can be a beautiful thing . . . so enjoy the quiet.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Hi KGirl, I have had some of the same issues. WAH posted photos of his new house on FB and some of my friends (mutual friends, but really my friends) commented congratulating him/us. I wondered, should I email them and say I didn't move, he did...? I just did not feel like it so I let it go. Eventually someone told them.
If you want to post pics of your cat, do so. When/if people comment you have many choices. 1. ignore the comment (like the comment if you want but don't answer it) 2. message the person directly 3. say something about H being with the other cat
And you can make these choices for each individual. When I saw one friend liking and commenting on WAH's facebook, I sent her a message telling her the "news" because she was MY friend and I knew she would want to know. What did she do? Immediately deleted her comments and unfriended him. ha.
So it's up to you but I say just go about your business and don't worry too much about the comments and questions. You can ignore them. If people are really wondering they will contact you directly.
