Feeling kind of down today. We have MC tonight and she asked yesterday if I still want to go. I told her I think it's helpful. I asked if she was still interested in going. She gave a canned answer of I think it's helpful, but may be going on our own is just as good. She had agreed to go to a few sessions before we sign the settlement this will be the third. The last session we were supposed to work on being friends since she wants to do that. We did not do her homework instead we made it through two weeks of just existing. I am not sure if she is interested in continuing therapy. I will bring it up tonight when we are there and let him talk to her about it as a neutral third-party and see if she still wants to be there. I think my W a W sees the finish line and still in the fog is only running towards that. I know that his mind reading but I have no advice here from any vets to help me see anything different at this point.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
I had gotten real quiet last night and I noticed in doing that she got very nice and became very talkative and interested in my needs. I can see she feels guilty. And she can see that I'm hurting. I am actively moving forward with logistics of this because I have to find a home to live in. I know I'm supposed to be treating her like a friend/sister. But right now there's a lot of unspoken feelings. Trying to keep my head up and grasping for information. I think today I just need to let it be. Hey day that I don't work on us or me I just let things go where they might.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Feeling extremely down. Trying not to let my mood affect my interactions with WAW this afternoon. I'm not sure what to do from here after rereading DB and DR I just don't know. I go back and read the vets area from the link above that I previously mentioned and it gives me a little hope but my situation I'm not sure what to apply and how her wear anymore. I've worked too hard and too long on myself to just turn around and walk away.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
So I get to our marriage counselor tonight and I'm sitting in the waiting room. WAW walks in. I was sitting with the sun in my face reading a magazine and she sat down to seats over. She was chatty and talk to me about some financial things with our divorce. I felt really strong when she asked that I come sit next to her in order to get out of the sunlight. Only be kicked in the teeth when she let me know that her attorney called today and said that our divorce was signed by the judge on Friday. Needless to say I was stunned and remained quiet. Once in therapy we discussed several things. She does want to continue to go seeing this therapist with me however she wants to go once a month because of our schedules and the fact that she already has a therapist. That being said I am now divorced. About 10 minutes into the session I tell him this and he looks at her to discuss with her the fact that she mentioned it to me right before we walked in. She began to tear up because she said she could understand how I was so hurt once again. She stopped wearing her wedding band last week after she went to her therapist so I knew what that meant. 10 minutes into our session when she's explaining it to our therapist that we have been divorced since Friday I secretly slipped my ring off and dropped it in my pocket. I have not taken my ring off other than maybe to take a shower or swim since we've been married. I didn't do it as a jab I did it out of respect for her. She looked over at me as he spoke back to me and look immediately at my hand and did a double take her face was that of surprise and shock. I feel torn however I made an appointment with the therapist to keep the two every two weeks. So I will go every two weeks and every other appointment she will be there. He said he has never done post divorce marriage counseling however since he works through this with us he would certainly give it a try. This guys got 25 years experience under his belt I have no doubt that he will help us post divorce being "friends" as he did going through this process. The point is she really likes the guy and thinks he is very helpful. After our session ended I told her I was going to get a bite to eat and going to look at a house.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
I will never understand why WAS do things they do. It is like they don't know what day it is or what is going on around them. Then when they do something that hurts the LBS all the sudden they get a burst of reality and "feel Bad".
We are working on Ourselves for Ourselves and if it is working to make us better people then that is all we can hope for.
Hang tough!!
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
Me: 35 Her: 33 D : 16 S : 9 Together: 14 years Married: 12 She left 4/14/2014 Separated: 5/25/2014 OM Confirmed 7/2014 She filed 8/7/2014 I Filed 10/21/2014 Divorce final 2/12/2015
Sorry to hear that she did that to you. I have to ask though, why are you even bother going to MC with her? Maybe you need C just for yourself and cut her out already. She's just doing it to make herself feel better.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thanks everyone for the support....I was starting to feel this was just my journal page
Feeling optimistic and cautious about our future.
Mr. Bond, First of all...welcome back to my thread. I am glad you are here to help me. As far as continuing....she said that. I gave her an open door to get out and did not ask her to stay. As a matter of fact, I told the MC that she asked me if I wanted to really come tonight. She said that she thinks he is great, but we can get counsel from our individual counselors. I mentioned that to MC and said that I wanted to come see him on my own. She then added, after asked what she thought about that...."I have my counselor every other week, and then MC every other week." He gave her an out too....she replied with..."maybe I could come every other session." He again gave her an out and she stuck to it. He then mentions comfort and touch...well, even empathy to her. Weirdly, she was receptive. She said prior to all of this, she was worried it might give the wrong signals. It was all weird. I cried a little...she teared up. etc.
BTW Mr.Bond... After our last conversation and reflection....I began surfing the threads and really studying the patterns of do's and dont's in this DB thing. Your signature finally struck a chord with me. Very ying/yang...."the dance" Thanks for being
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Welcome to the roller coaster ride everyone watch out for the fog ahead. Sheesh!
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
