switching threads, switching gears.....

[watto14]

The twins and I are off to their first swimming lesson today, one of he boys had a temp over night but other than a llittle grizzly today, seems to be ok.
boys dumped everything out of h wallet this morning, as I was putting it all back in, I noticed he had a pass for the snow, got momentarily thrown, in my mind I did the whole, 'we never went to the snow, it's not fair' and then I thought to myself, it's his life now, his choices and if I want to go to the snow I can, I don't have to feel jealous because he's gone. small 180, we'll actually not so small, old me would sulk and badger him about when he went and who with and why not with me.
small step forward for me.

family night tonight, as soon as boys are in bed, I'm headed home to do me things, name cards or at least get everything set up ready to get creative!

[Ggrass]

Snow is over rated, trust me. Who needs to pay over a hundred bucks to be cold and wet.?

This would show me he has play money. To gal. Don't be lending him any now.
Come to new comers we have a music thread now!

[watto14]

I've made a few back slides over the past couple of days, had a massive fight with h last night, over him having the boys for an extra night on Sunday as I'm going to see my mum who isn't well, he said he was fine with that and actually pushed me to go, then rang yesterday to ask if I minded if he went out on Sunday and got a babysitter to watch the boys, I saw red, I heard all his of eexcuses my head and completely lost it.
I did do a 180 for me though and sent a text a apologizing for my behavior, that I was understandably stressed about my mum.
He sent one back saying he should be sang sorry and that all I had to do was say no, and that would have been fine.
I guess when you've had things like this continuously pop up in the past, it's hard to see that what he's saying is the truth.
can't get a handle on detaching, am gal, working as much I can, back to the gym( 11 weeks til I turn 40, determined to look a million bucks!)
taking the boys to different places when I have them.

Also felt silly this morning, had to take my car to be serviced, had asked h a couple of days ago to pick me up from there, and take me home, he said no worries, I made the assumption after yesterday that he a: wouldn't do it and b: would forget as nothing had been said in a couple of days, so I organised a loan car for the day, and I was driving home I saw h heading to the car dealership to pick me up. I rang straight away to tell him what had happened and he said he was always going to pick me up.
I just can't get it right...

[watto14]

This morning has been chaotic, I spent three hours at the local hospital with one of the twins who ran into a wall, 4 stitches and heap of sedation later, he is finally asleep on the couch.
had 5 ring h and let him know, he came to the hospital while the stitches were going in.
he's still off to the races today, his priorities are definitely skewed, and I told him so, I don't care at this point it's not a 180, this is the same crap I have been dealing with for years, this 8a one of our children who ddoesn't just want his mum he wants his dad too, and while I know there are lots of single parent families out there, our boys have two parents that could be there for them, and this is one of those times.
then h was all, ring me if you need me, WTH? so if I need you (like right now) I ring and you're 45 mins away and drinking, what good is going to be?
Then he's going to leave, hugging me and twin, and giving me kisses on the top of my head and on the lips, again WTH???

[watto14]

I am completely baffled by h behavior, didn't hear from him at all yesterday, except when I texted him to let him know how twin was going (ended up with mild concussion)
he rings mid morning this morning to see what time I'd be dropping the boys off today, I told him that wouldn't be going to see mum as I was more concerned about twin, and had told him that yesterday, he then asked if it was ok to come over to see the boys, I said of course it was.
He turned up, spent little time with them, bantered with me, I was giving him stick about the fact that he had changed his Fb profile pic yesterday to photo of him with s7 at the footy, that has me in it. I said to him didn't you realise that I'm in the photo, he said he did, and I responded that is bound to go down well, to which he said 'I don't give a f*ck!'
so obviously he's had words with ow, I can't keep up.

Then ad he's leaving after lunch, which involved more banter etc, lots of touchy Feely stuff, gives me a kiss on the lips and says he might come back later (whatever! )
when the boys rang to say goodnight, I asked if he was coming back over, and got the usual response of 'I'll see how I'm going, I'm not promising anything'
in between all that I got angry because I was tired and over screaming kids and over doing it on my own, and told him so, I know bad move, and it's probably cost me bit not sorry I said it.
I'm not sure where he's at but I'm not going to be the one he turns to when he's had a fight with ow, he can come to me because he wants me.

[watto14]

Just got a text from h saying that ow is staying at his place tonight, but hell make sure everything is sorted by 8.20 tomorrow morning so that myself and the boys don't cross her path when I drop them off, I was fairly short with my reply and he responded back that it wasn't planned, to please believe him, I responded back with thanks for your honesty ( sarcasm) and have a good night (more sarcasm which I think he missed because he responded back with going to bed I'm pretty knackered....

so this just confirms to me I am a doormat.
tomorrow morning when I drop off the boys, I'm also dropping off the car seats and he can work out how to get them to daycare on Tuesday and Thursday.
I'm sticking with having them on Mondays and Wednesdays, as that's a commitment I made to them, but other than that, he can whistle Dixie.
I am nobody's plan b.

[twinmom]

You really need to draw some boundaries for your own sanity, to protect yourself. I know how it feels to know your H is with OW but when mine was he never tried to be physical with me just "friends" and was cake eating with family time and living his life with her.

Be the door not the doormat!!

[twinmom]

Come up with a set parenting plan (for days/times of drop off) so there is almost no communication needed about that. Can you have your mom or someone there when it's drop off/pick up time for a week or two? This will give you some help in the pma department and make detaching easier.

DO NOT contact him unless absolutely necessary!

[watto14]

Hi twinmom, thanks for dropping in, feels like I'm floating in here by myself sometimes.
I'm trying to have boundaries, I thought that I did, but clearly I am doing it wrong.
I think one of his 5LL is acts of service, so was trying to do things to make his life easier and not say no which is what I've done in the past, this has just made me seem like doormat I think.
We have four days on/off with the boys so it's constantly rotating, so this week h has them Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs and I get them back 8.30 Friday morning.
H only has work ute so I have been the one doing all the pick up/drop off. including going to his place on his days when the boys have daycare to pick them up and take them to daycare and then pick them up from daycare and dropping them back to h.

so that's why I thought I'd drop the car seats off to him today and he can use his bosses car or borrow a car (nor my problem what he does) he has to work it out.
Then I shouldn't need to see him until Wednesday when I have the boys and I take them to swimming lessons.

I am a physical person, it's part of what I do, tactile touch is a big part of my job, and I always touch people when I talk to them, but some of the hugs and the kisses on the forehead or lips for that matter are just plain weird, even I wouldn't do that with a close male friend, so yes cake eating, fence riding what ever I want to call it. and as much as it kills me, it has to stop.

him talking about ow to me is also inappropriate, and something that shouldn't be happening, on the flip side to that, him talking to me about anything remotely emotional is a 180 for him, so I don't know how to handle that.
things like she had a interlock in her car, so she has to blow in the breathalizer attached to her ignition and if she had any alcohol in her system, her car won't start (classy lady! ) which is why she would have stayed at h house last night (surmising)

I gave to remember not my circus, not my monkeys....

thanks for the advice twinmom, I'll try everything you suggested

[twinmom]

I had a really long post to you and when I tried to submit my phone went funky and it didn't show up.... Will get back to you a little later when I am nursing Lilly again.