One thing you have to realize is that a WAW in the fog of an affair is the most selfish creature known to man and everything you think you know about showing love and reconciliation is wrong. A gesture such as wearing a ring will most likely have the effect of enraging a WAW if she even notices it. She will think "doesn't that jerk understand I told him we are done?" Or they will see right through it as just that, a gesture. The only thing that gets their attention, because they are selfish, is when they see you do not want or need them and you are moving on with your life. This makes them want what they cannot have and she will pursue you. Right now she knows she can have you back anytime she wants so it doesn't represent a challenge; your neediness is boring and unattractive. You must act as if you do not need her at all and you are glad to have your freedom and wish the best for her new life too. Then go as dark as you can and use the time and space to GAL. Do not initiate contact at all; make her come to you while being polite and giving the impression you have moved on and you are enjoying yourself. I see you have at least one child with her; find an intermediary to go through for handing off child and child related messages so you are not tempted to backslide; isolate her from your friendship. Your first objective is ending her relationship with OM; you do this by putting yourself off limits to her. Simultaneously you need to work on improving yourself and making yourself into the person any woman would be thrilled to have and your W would be a fool to leave.
Me37, W30, S7 Married 10yrs 05/11/04 ILYBINILWY 22/09/13 Disc. OM1 26/09/13 Disc. STD from OM2 03/02/14 Affair Confession 21/06/14
W and I share same apartment (for a few more days). W isn't pushing for D.
She is not seeing any particular man. She has gone dates with a couple and I don't believe there has been anything physical. It's hard. The pain of rejection is killing me. I have not contacted her at all since our fling in the afternoon. I am trying to deal, just extremely difficult. I'm hitting the gym today and it am going to start a workout routine. I've got to take out this aggression. Is it normal to go from feeling pain to anger? I know I have made my fair share of mistakes in our relationship, but she said we would get through it like we always do. Today has not been bad. I still feel like crap but not like I have been.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
She has said in several occasions that she wants me to see other people, that if we do R she wants to know its her I want to be with. Thoughts on that?
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
If you start seeing other people, that helps her justify what she's doing. Her thinking is "See, we agree to an open M, so I'm not doing anything wrong."
She is looking for your approval for her infidelity.
You're probably closer to the "I know it's you I want to be with, and that's why I made a life long marriage commitment to you." end of the spectrum.
If you start seeing other people, that helps her justify what she's doing. Her thinking is "See, we agree to an open M, so I'm not doing anything wrong."
She is looking for your approval for her infidelity.
Thank you. I have been talking to a girl I used to date 13 years ago, just as friends. It's hard, and I continue to put myself through more misery. Whenever I see she is online on the dating website, it kills me.
I tried to change my name but it hasn't been approved yet.
Last edited by loveher; 08/22/1403:31 PM.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
I am sorry that you find yourself posting here; but, yes there is hope. I urge you to speak to a Divorce Busting Coach. Coaches can help you clarify your thinking and focus on your marriage goals. Your situation is not hopeless, we can help keep your marriage and family together. Please call me to discuss our personalized, divorce busting program. 303-444-7004.
Roberta, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 Roberta@divorcebusting.com
Innocent text messages turned bad. I said something that I did not think was bad but she took it that way and BOOM! Things got heated for her. I was feeling good today until then. I deleted the texts so I did not have to look at them.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
I get the same from WAW. Except she never texts me and I stopped trying because the rejection was making me feel like doo-doo.
It is almost as if the WAW has a need to keep the anger and resentment going or their guilt will eat them up. My W will reply with anger and rudeness to the slightest disagreement or to imagined provocation. Just have to depersonalize it, realize it is not about you. Refusing to play the game takes away the negative energy that a WAW needs to keep the distance between you.
Me37, W30, S7 Married 10yrs 05/11/04 ILYBINILWY 22/09/13 Disc. OM1 26/09/13 Disc. STD from OM2 03/02/14 Affair Confession 21/06/14
W and I share same apartment (for a few more days). W isn't pushing for D.
I know I need not to play into it. When she gets going I feel like I have to calm it down. But, I guess since it is her issues to deal with that I shouldn't. She was like, I'm not going to hash out 11 years of an unhappy marriage over text. I wasn't even doing that. Also. If you were that unhappy for 11 years, why stay so long.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
