barely holding on - 3

[Eatsma]

I'm not keeping up with the acronyms...What is PMA?

[u-turn]

Positive mental attitude. It's what I've got for me right now.
Seems to work sometimes.

[Eatsma]

Gotcha!

Yes...the PMA, also known as The Secret, etc. etc. etc.

Tough to do. Maybe easier when showing gratitude. Maybe easier still when detaching.

I know that things were not good when they were on autopilot, but for those of us who THOUGHT things were good, they sure were easier! LOL!

[dawgy]

Im in a bad way today . I just have a feeling . Never slept well , bad dreams overall crappy night . I made the mistake of asking her where abouts last night . She wouldnt tell me . So i guess that means with OM . The bad feeling I have today is she s not working today or tomorrow . And it got me thinking shes planning on moving out while im at work . Could be heavy mind reading but the kids are gonna be away all day too .I need some words of support today big time . Heavy anxiety this morning .She always makes my tea in the morning before work and has continued to do so all through this turmoil but no tea this morning she got up with the alarm and laid down on the sofa and went to sleep . I believe the OM left his wife and got a place in town so im worried shes planning a move in with him > That would be devastating Dawgy

[dawgy]

sorry for posting on your thread U -Turn , im so messed up this morning Dawgy

[u-turn]

Dawgy,
Keep your head up man. I am not too good at giving advice - but have received much. Don't try to read her mind or convince yourself that something is going to happen - you will drive yourself crazy. It is painful, but you cannot control her, and shouldn't try.

Work on yourself - this maybe what's best. It may give you more opportunity to detach and for her to figure things out.

[u-turn]

Yes MLP.
It would have been great to have known at what I know now. Turn off the autopilot and live. Now that seems so far away.

I call a re-do (mulligan)

[u-turn]

Well, a little movement, but I will try not to read too much into it.

This morning W said she was still trying to figure herself out and she is very angry and upset with herself. As far as mind reading goes and with overhearing a conversation she was having with a friend of hers (unintentional snooping I guess), I believe she may be having issues with being the OMs OW - if that makes sense. He doesn't want to leave his family and that just leaves W being his mistress - and I think she is having troubles with that (I hoped she would eventually feel that way).

I just listened to her, played it cool, acknowledged that I heard her. I'm not sure I provided much validation. I thought about telling her that it must be very difficult for her, but I thought that may sound judgmental or insincere. I don't know. She did give me a long hug before I left for work. I'm still a little confused as to how to react that. I hugged her back.

She hasn't reached out to me or even talked to me in a while (except for logistics and her work - not).

I will leave this sit now and see how she continues or not. The ball is still in her court.

I do look at my timeline compared to others (8 months of trouble, 6 months since I discovered A) I know it could be a very long time yet - if ever.

Respect to the long haulers! I will keep it up too.

[CaliGuy]

I hear ya on the long haul thing .. and the patience required of us all... I think if we could be given a gift and told .. "ok you have till Jan 5th till this is over we all could just circle the calendar and ride it out. But we dont know ... like you said "long time .. if ever" But all we can do is hold on to the little positives and hope.

Hang in there... at the least she is starting to question things ... and the OM is losing his sparkle ... this is a good thing!

[dawgy]

Hey u -turn buddy its all good if shes questioning things . You are doing alright . Shes giving you hugs . My W doesnt even want to touch me . The worst of it is , i think she wants to but shes so messed up shes trying to hate me to justify all this . Its really terrible , i can forgive her but can she forgive herself . So Im sure your wife is the same as mine . If they could forgive them selves for what they ve done and they know we are forgiving them , then i believe , truly believe that they would come back to us whole . Put your self in her shoes and look at the situation shes in . I bet you would feel alot of shame and guilt especially when your spouse is willing to forgive and is still showing that much love . So that being said , how would you deal with the guilt and shame if it was you ???? Give me an answer on this , im interested in what you think . Dawgy