Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
I'll be sending sometime this morning. It feels...well, huge. This is the only contact that we have, since he's hundreds of miles away.
I'm trying to not build up any hope, lest I be crushed if he's using this as an opening to ask me to send him something that he forgot here, or to tell me something I don't want to hear, or even just to make himself feel better. It's hard not to, though, and not to put a huge amount of importance on this one email.
Clearly some detachment is in order. Easier said than done, though.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
I like the brief email. Send it. Forget about it. Enjoy your day! Please remember that nothing you say is going to be the thing that flips the switch. Focus on you and it sounds like you have some exciting stuff going on.
I think you ARE doing much better than you think:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I can tell you with a relative degree of certainty nothing will come out of this email. Not trying to disappoint you, but help you prepare. I know you feel there is a huge amount of important on this one email, and I wish you would not. It is an email, nothing more. Think of it as a single brick on a house. While you want it to be perfectly laid, if it is not you can always adjust down the road. What you should take from this is that your H is thinking of you. Whatever his motives may be, he is thinking of you. Believe me, he is going to think good things at times, and he is going to think bad things at times. Over time, the fabricated bad things will fade and what he will be remembering is the good stuff. Your job is to highlight the good things with your limited interactions. Sending him a happy email with enough mystery for him to wonder about what you are doing is a great way to start. It lets him know that your interactions will be positive, so he does not have to worry about arguing or meltdowns. For that reason, he will be more inclined to interact more. The fact that you give him something to wonder about plants the seeds of he may really lose you. And even if that is what he says he wants, he may not want that.
So keep your chin up and send your email. Then go back NC. It may be hours, it may be weeks till you hear from him again. Try not to focus on that. You sent a good email, now let him continue doing what he has to do.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Okay, email was sent this morning. It was hard to do - it still felt very important, but I appreciate all the reminders that this is one little thing, and nothing is likely to come of it.
It's a marathon, not a sprint.
Just after I sent it I suddenly realized that if I email him, he's likely to email back, and I have no idea what that email will contain, and no control over it, and that is seriously freaking me out right now. There is a potentially infinite amount of stuff I don't want to hear or deal with that could be in that email.
I suppose we will likely have to talk eventually, and I will learn things eventually, and I'm just going to have to deal with whatever happens when it happens. Might as well take the opportunity of him thinking about me to be as positive and sparkly and awesome as I can rather than putting it off and get that dialogue open now so he knows he can get in touch if he needs or wants to.
Thanks, everyone - many, many thanks.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
Every time I get a text or an email from H I put BIG effort into not reading it right away and managing my expectations. I sit and prepare myself for reading stuff I really don't want to read. In doing so I realize that I'm putting much more weight on the email or text than I should BUT, like you, it's hard not to see each communication as important. Once I actually do read the communication it's usually just some "business missive" but occasionally has been hurtful so I'm grateful I took the time before reading it to prepare myself. It takes very conscious effort.
Expect the best, prepare yourself for the worst. Managing our expectations through all this is very hard. It's easy to say have none but we're human and we have hopes which leads to expectations.
That's a good tip, Ss - I'm going to give that a try. I just feel like there are so many bombs he could drop on me that any communication is potentially fraught and I'm going to need to be in a good state of mind to deal with them. Trouble is, I'm just not right now.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
Hi Meghan, I just wanted to check in and say what lots of vets have been saying to me. Don't worry about what he says, don't believe it anyway. That helps me to read my H's messages and then ignore the stuff I didn't like. Maybe it is denial but it helps. Later I might have to deal with it and process it, but it helps with the anxiety. Hugs, Lisa
