H is out of the house

[twinmom]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2462283#Post2462283

Ss06 it should be somewhere in this thread...

[Nitty]

TwinMom, you are possibly the bravest person I've ever read about on these forums.

I need to take back my life, too. I'm constantly avoiding situations where I know the OW is. I'm afraid to run into her, as if I was the person who did something wrong.

But you're right, we've got to take back our lives.

[Ggrass]

Yeah, me too except I was trying to avoid him and where he might be with her.

Seems she has been very close to under my nose, but I think h is using her to bait me.
He won't talk directly to me on any level, but try's to get others to do his dirty work.

Hence I try not to engage, nor acknowledge nor play the game he seems to want.

[twinmom]

Ggrass, I would never want to see them together. That is more than I can handle. Right now I know they are not spending time together. I am just trying to take back my life and go the places I have gone for years without looking over my shoulder.

Last night H asked me to go to a festival at his old school (kindergarten through 8th grade) I said ok. He ran into a few people he knew and hadn't seen in a long time. He introduced me as his wife and it actually felt odd hearing that. Not sure how it made me feel but it definitely made me feel different than it used to.

Just kind of journaling my feelings... (but opinions are welcome anytime)

[Ggrass]

Ggrass, I would never want to see them together. That is more than I can handle.

Snap on that too. I'm sure he is wanting that tho, hs version of revenge for neglecting him in the r.

[Maybell]

Twinmom, curious why you went? Considering how hard you've been fighting, what was your thinking there?

[twinmom]

Maybell I don't really know. I have asked myself that question a few times "why are you doing this to yourself?" Kinda thing....... and can't come up with an answer other than wanting to enjoy a nice summer evening eating bbq and watching the twins go on carnival rides and smile like crazy.

H tried to "linger" when he brought us home, he put the twins to bed and then just held the baby for a long time. I went to bed and when H was leaving he came into my room, said his bye and "I love you" to which I replied "don't dai that" and he left. I really don't want to hear "I love you" right now. It just doesn't feel right.

[twinmom]

Well he started ic.... his first appointment was yesterday (he ended up seeing a therapist in the same office as mine)

[twinmom]

H had a picture of the twins holding hands as his background for his phone. Every time he would pick up his phone and I would catch a glimpse of it my heart would drop into my stomach, the pic was taken at OW house ave you can see her kitchen in the background. I told H a while ago that I love the twins holding hands but that it makes me queasy to see her house. Well tonight when he came by to spend time with the kids I noticed the picture was changed.

H told me again how sorry he is for everything he has done, that he is ashamed of his actions and doesn't deserve me.



On another note, the American diabetes association walk is coming up in September so I have started my fundraising for this event which is giving me something to do. The older boys go back to school tomorrow and D2 is pretty much fully potty trained so next week I think I might want to work on the potty thing with S2.

[twinmom]

I registered for the ADA walk, H asked me yesterday when he came over if I was doing the walk this year and I said yes. He then asked if he could join us (me and the kids)

I told him I don't know how I feel about that as there will be lots of people there from Walgreens and I was planning on avoiding the Walgreens tent/booth. I just don't want to put on a "happy family" show in front of his co-workers.

He told me he completely understands and if I decided it would be ok for him to join us he wouldn't "network" while we were there, it would just be the walk and that's it. I told him to let me think about it.

For the past few days I have been talking to H more, just listening to what he has to say and using the "that's a lot to think about or it's not really that simple anymore" lines. He is seeing his IC on a weekly basis and he wanted to talk with me about the goals they set but I said right now I don't want to know about that. I just want him to do what he needs to do to be a good father and a better person.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired! This no sleep thing is really crashing down on me hard. Thankful the boys went back to school yesterday but that means I have to have 5 kids up and out of the house by 7am..... ROUGH!

Court date coming up.... I don't know how I feel about this. H has said numerous times he doesn't want a divorce and doesn't want to go to court.... don't know if I should delay it again or go through as planned.