Not new here - but newly separated

[Old Dog]

I don't know what to expect, but I'm grasping at straws for anything to help me feel better right now.

Try this out Abbey Resources for feeling better

I hope you find something in it helps.

Old Dog xx

[abbey1989]

So I had my first counseling session yesterday. She really helped me look at all things that I can do right now to make myself feel better to help with this grieving process. One of the things I've been struggling with is how to tell our friends. we came up with a "script" of what to say:

"H has moved out on his own. This was his decision. He needs some separate time. All is calm between us and we are still talking. The kids know. We are all doing OK and we need support. We don't want our friends to choose. We are taking this one step at a time and making no decisions. We just want the people closest to us to know"

So I plan to call my closest girlfriends I think? Instead of text or email which could be forwarded to who knows.... Plan is to get this out of the way by Friday.

She also recommends taking Melatonin each night before bed to help with sleep, and if my mind is swirling, a Tylenol PM too. Also I'll be taking a "happy pill" each day to help things remain a little more even. Like she says, nothing will mask this pain. We talked about having a full calendar, getting together with friends and family, etc... and exercise and nutrition of course.
She talked about grieving and the process....she said to give myself time to be sad, cry, feel, and then do some living like laundry, yardwork, housework, etc.. then give myself more time to grieve, and back and forth. She said this is the way it works and eventually it won't occupy as much of my thoughts over time. But it is important to feel the sadness, recognize that this is normal and OK.

It was a good session, I was able to tell someone fully in person what has been going on. First time ever. This was nice just to get off my chest. She talked in general about affairs, and said there are 3 kinds of people. 1) A person who would never even think of having an affair (that would be me!) 2) A person who has a one night stand, feels horrible, and doesn't do it again and 3) A person who has affairs repeatedly as a pattern. Of course I know which category H fits into. She also said that for men, they typically will only leave a long marriage if another woman is involved.

H says there is no OW, but I don't know.

So headed off to walk at the beach. Hope you have a good day!

[abbey1989]

I called all of my close girlfriends today and told them. Feeling strangely a little more clear headed. It was weighing heavy....

[abbey1989]

Talked to H yesterday. Why does he say he loves me and misses me? He says he misses our companionship and friendship. What the heck? Maybe he's looking for more of a physical thing with someone. I don't know. This really *ucks. Had dinner with two girlfriends last night. It does help keeping busy! My dance card is full for the weekend visiting with friends and beachwalks. I still wonder what is H doing this Friday night?

[abbey1989]

Just sent H my first "email" concerning finances. So odd requesting money in such a formal way. It was good to get it all on paper though. Crazy he is now paying for 3 residences, his, mine and D21 (college). His choice.......

[abbey1989]

sad and lonely...

[lifejustgothard2]

Abbey1989...sorry you are going through this...I think I was here the same time you were in 2011.
I am back too. Apparently , my H didn't do the work or is/always will be an alcoholic that won't get help. So here I am ...not sure if there is an A...but how do you really know when there are so many lies. Ick.
I am putting up stronger boundaries this time Sept. is my appt with my lawyer...I will not go through this again. Nor will my kids. He either gets a plan or I am done.

[bashy]

Heh Abbey. I know that sad and lonely phase. It happens all the time to me. Triggered by goodness knows what. But stay strong, keep busy and vent on these forums. My prayers are with you today.

[HopeTex]

Hang in there. Thanks for being here on the forum.

[abbey1989]

So H continues to text me everyday...."goodmorning" "goodnight" "hope you are well" "miss you" Part of me is happy to hear from him, and part of me thinks why is he trying to stay in daily contact? HE LEFT ME. Am I supposed to try to make him feel better now when I feel horrible? He didn't call all weekend (I didn't either). And now at 2:00pm on Monday he thinks it is appropriate to call. I didn't answer. Not trying to play games but just not getting what is going on either.