Road to happiness....Part 2

[gogofo]

Ye, sorry things are unfolding the way that they are for you. Keep your head up and keep working on yourself. You seem like a pretty spiritual person and often allude to it in the advice you give, well allow me to do the same for you.

You said you are in doubt about why all this happened, maybe you are meant to show up in Hawaii at this time in your life with all of your new skills. Maybe now your eyes will be open to what you need to be looking for and you will find someone who you may have overlooked in the past. I too am amazed at how quickly you relocated and how lucky you were to find two job offers so quickly. Is this just coincidental?

Keep your eyes, heart, and mind open. Keep learning from your lessons and DBing. Your new life is just beginning in an exotic land.

I will be pulling for you. ¡Buenos suerte!

[artsy]

(((Ye)))

I think it's all part of Gods overall plan for you to be in Hawaii right now- grieve your M and start enjoying your new area! How exciting! Stay true to who you are and great things will happen for you, ye. It will get better, in time.

[Starsky309]

(((Ye)))

I think it's all part of Gods overall plan for you to be in Hawaii right now- grieve your M and start enjoying your new area! How exciting! Stay true to who you are and great things will happen for you, ye. It will get better, in time.

I agree with this ^^^, ye -- and with the others. I know you are hurting right now, but I really think you need to stop apologizing and start LIVING. I am confident there are better things -- including a better relationship with another woman! -- out there for you!


Starsky

[sandi2]

You don't need permission to put dead things in the past and go forward to live and be happy. Be blessed.

[Anders]

Ye, your Wayne Dyer quotes in your signature caught my attention on a different thread and pulled me here.

Wayne Dyer has a great perspective on detaching in his movie 'The Shift' (you can find it on YouTube).

There is a plan which you are a part of. Everything that has happened is for a reason. You were called to Hawaii for a reason.

It is incredibly painful when the person you love the most in the world doesn't want to talk to you and acts as if they want nothing to do with you at all. It's worse when you are separated by distance and never get the chance to see them. I know. I am living that reality right now.

The only thing you can control is yourself. You are being put on a path to something truly great. And this is all preparing you for that.

Don't give up becoming the best person you can be.

[ye21]

Yelllloooooowww guys

Aloha from the islands, I hope all of you are having a great great weekend!!

Well I just wanna to update a little, my life its great!!! I am extremely happy, found my path and spiritually I found myself, I had never felt like that before when I moved to a new place.

I got a new green card!!! And I got my ID from Hawaii!!
I work in a great place with full benefits and this week I am enrolling to college.

So I cant say nothing negative so far hehhee

All of you guys are doing a great great action helping people that needs to be listened in this times, at the end whatever its the outcome of the DBing, all of us we ended seeing the light and I am very happy and grateful for that!!

I started in this forum because my marriage was over, I had to file for D because of my legal situation in USA.
I was veeery sad and hopeless.
Today I live in Hawaii, I wake up everyday at 6am, go for a 2 hours bike ride, then go to work, after work I go to the beach and then dinner in the terrace and time to sleep.
Its a simple life and thats exactly what I wanted!!

Big hugs my DBingFriends
Now its my turn to listen to other members and introduce them to the DBing movement hahaha

[ye21]

I will post here better MrBond, maybe somebody will get benefits from this.
Many here had a great marriage, worth fighting for it and I encourage everyone to fight for it and not accept D.
However in life are different situations, I understand how it seems like I dissapeared, I moved to Hawaii and spent all this months since may 1st paying my debts, I have only a small more payment to do in and old electric bill and thats it.
So one of the goals and my changes its been acomplished which it was been responsible and pay my debts.
And many other more goals, I dont smoke I am way more calm and I actually listen to people, take the advice that my guts tell me to follow and the ones I dont find usefull I discard them.

In my relationship I lied, about trivial stuff like I was a cyclist but the fact is that I lied, so I understand how my exwife felt about it and it was something to put work on, sessions of therapy have been able to identify the problem and correct it.

When I started working here in hawaii I had problems at my job, I though nobody liked me and actually hated me, so my response was to give attitude, I always had the need to respond back and could not take criticism or orders from authority figures, my day at work was miserable everyday and I tought it was the job.... It wasnt, it was me so working on STFU and realize that others hace a different way of see things has nothing to do with me in a personal level really changed things completelly, I love to go to work now.

So basically:
No lies
No disrespect
No egocentrism
Not believe that everybody its attacking me
Take care of myself

One of the problems that my exwif said we had in the relationship is that I didnt support her career, I understand how she felt about that and today I will not show those patterns.
My therapist helped me understand and be compassive with myself and realize that I have first to analize how things affect me, talk about them, and change whats the outcome so it doesnt affect others. At the same time I have to realize if something hurts me and I need the other person to change their approach its equally respectable for them to realize they have to change that.

So if somebody makes fun of you and it makes you feel bad, I am totally able to ask them to stop doing it, if they dont change it, its enough reason not to have people like that in my life.

So MrBond yes, things have changed, I could not be as proactive here as I was, now I am more time balance in my life and I have the chance to stop by and help others.

Its important for me today to call things by their name and yes I was with an emotional abuser, no matter my changes, that person would not change their outcome. So better to get off of people like that.

I am and I did correct most of the issues present in my life, things I didnt like from me and things I didnt like in general, and still no compasion from a person who married me once.
Its hard to explain what I went thrue to keep my greencard, even when I decided to pay back the IRS and emailed my exwife about her bills so She could even get some money back in this last year taxes I received not response.
I had to declare my taxes and her taxes this year without W2 forms due to being kept from her and not been mature enough to just sent them despite it was on her own benefit.

I did things in my relationship that I dont like? Yes, I lied to her about that and didnt went to her play, but I call things by their name today. Untill the day she asked me for D I had no idea how affected her that I didnt went to her first play, for her was wnough reason to call it out.
I supported her many other times and I was just meassured in that relationship by my mistakes not by my pro points, so I trully wish her well.
I am not walking in eggshells with nobody else no more, thats for sure.

I am being educated by my therapist in what a healthy relationship is in general, in every single aspect, silent treatmenst are not healthy, makiing fun of somebody in front of others its not healthy and so the list go on.

In my next relationship I will not have the liying, not the not support in BOTH WAYS and certainly not the past issues.
My intention recognizing that my exwife was an emotional abuser its not to put her down, just to call things by their name and realize that there is a point where not everything can be put on the shoulders of one.

Everyday of my life I ask my friends and family even my therapist what they see in me that I can change, and when I truly believe that its making me unhappy I work on that.

[Tarheel]

Ye, I'm happy for you. Sounds like you've learned quite a bit from your first post and it sounds like you're in a much better place. Keep enjoying life and you're in Hawaii- learn to surf!

[MrBond]

I'm glad you believe you're happy. I would not go so far as to say that your W was an emotional abuser. You were hurt by her just as you had hurt her and you didn't know how to communicate with her so the cycle continued with you.

In fact, in your post above you pretty much said that it wasn't that your W was an emotional abuser, it's that you didn't know how to handle criticism... from anyone, not just your W.

I really do hope you learn and grow from here on out.

What island are you on and where are you working at now?

[ye21]

Bond unfortunatelly it was an abussive relationship, she its not worst of better for that, she just had a problem and I was in the middle of that so no matter what I could not help her with that issue. If all it took for her to be at a better emotional place was my pain, I loved her and I am willing to accept it. I was defensive with criticism due to a secondary effect of this relationship, I wasnt always defensive before I met her. Again I dont believe she did it on purpose, she took a toll for her father abusse and didnt knew better at that time, I really wish for her own happiness she doesnt treat her new boyfriend like that.

The 2 therapist I went thrue they showed me the abusse circle and helped me understand that it was impossible the communication due to her past traumas. My only therapist today has and still showing me many beautiful things about what is a healthy relationship in every field of life.
The good thing and what makes me happy for her is that right after she divorced me her relationship with her family improved and she even went to Albania to confront her past. So even if I suffered at least she was able to be at certain level of peace with her abussive family and I am willing to take the pain I took if now at least she talks to them and solve her problems.

I live in Oahu, in Honolulu, I work in a restaurant from the Hilton hotels and basically my issue today is that first, everyday I keep stressing myself because I dont know if to go cycling or go to the beach...everyday its sunny here hahahha

I an still single, havent dated nobody since january when all this happened, I am volunteering for the red cross here, and in general I am calm, zero ansiety and more at peace, it really helped to be at this forum when I did, despite that we dont agree always which its nice , its funny how when I have a complicated customer I go to my notes in the iphone and read your first posts, you showed me how to be fair with myself and thats a great lesson I could not learn if I didnt came here.

Oh one more thing.... And this is actually funny.... I applied to college for nursing and to the Honolulu Police department, if I dont pass the police test in october I will then start nursing